Burn With You
by BreatheSemperMea
Summary: AU: Callie and Arizona both excel in their professional lives as a firefighter and a paramedic, saving lives every day. But both souls struggle in their personal lives because of mistakes made in the past.
1. Chapter 1

AN: Hey guys, I'm back with a new story. I've been working on this for quite some time now (I literally had watched too much Chicago Fire to let this idea go to waste). You'll see that it's different from my usual work. Darker, more heartbreaking. And once again, I hope you'll take this journey with me.

AN2: As usual, most of the characters are borrowed, but some come from my very own imagination.

I'll try to make sure to write an OUAD update soon as well.

* * *

"Malia Arianna Torres, you better be down here and ready to go in two minutes or I'm leaving without you!", Callie Torres hollered up the stairs to get her niece's attention. The almost nine year old was a handful, but the tall Latina would be lying to herself if she would say she wanted her any other way. Her niece had a mind of her own and apparently, being tardy to school was the new cool thing in her world. The brunette on the other hand had not only to get her niece to school, but she also had to be at the firehouse in less than an hour and if traffic would get in the way again, they would both be late – again. "MALIA!", she bellowed again, albeit knowing that it was fruitless and that might have been her own fault.

When she was named legal guardian of her late brother's daughter – after losing both of her parents in a plane crash that took another 142 lives – Callie let her get away with too many things because she wanted to give Malia and herself enough time to grieve, compensating the loss of the rest of the Torres family with overindulgence. That was one and a half years ago and Malia had made great improvement since then. They had grown together, the brunette just often found herself wishing she wouldn't have to be so strict with her all the time. She had never been one to make rules. Following rules was easy, especially at work where every mistake could cost a life, but telling someone she loved to go to bed on time – she didn't feel ready for that. She wanted to be a firefighter. That's why she chose not to have a child and because of that she ended her longest relationship. A relationship with the only person she would probably ever see herself growing old with, but when her fiancée at the time wanted to have a child, she couldn't keep both of them from being happy. So she set both of them free because they wanted different things in life and only short six months after that, at the age of twenty-six, she was pushed into the role of being a mother. A mother to a child that had just lost almost everything. And _that_ had changed everything. Being responsible for her niece had changed her for the better. After she broke off the engagement, all Callie did was work and on her days off, she drank her weight in alcohol and went home with a different woman almost every weekend. She hadn't been drunk one day since taking in the little whirlwind and her love – and sex – life was nonexistent. "MALIA!"

"I'm ready, tia Callie", the little girl came running down the stairs, her backpack haphazardly slung over her left shoulder, the curly hair pulled out of her face and up into two unruly and uneven pigtails, some toothpaste in the corners of her mouth. The sight was endearing and it honestly matched the chaos that was reigning the younger Torres' room most days.

If Callie wouldn't have been in such a hurry, she would have laughed. Instead she chose to thank the Lord that Malia's clothes, at least, didn't clash today. "Come here", she beckoned and told her niece to sit down on the chair next to her. Pulling out both hair ties, the Latina combed through the soft strands with her fingers before redoing the pigtails, which wasn't an easy task seeing that the girl tried to put on her shoes at the same time. "Did you pack everything you need?"

"Mhmm", Malia hummed, double-tying the laces of her left shoe and then doing the same with the right shoe, just like her dad had taught her.

Callie sighed. "Zola's mom will pick you up after school and tomorrow at two, I'll be waiting in front of the gate to pick you up myself, okay?" It was the same routine ever third day. Once she would go into work, she would be up for twenty-four hours, trying to save every life she could and overpower the flames under the guidance of Lieutenant Hunt and Battalion Chief Webber. After that, she would be off for the next twenty-four hours and try to get as much sleep as possible before picking up her niece only to spend as much quality time with her as she could. The counselor had said that Malia needed that, a constant routine and bonding time with her aunt, but to be honest, Callie needed it just as much.

Without her friends – her family – from the firehouse 22, she would not be able to do any of that and she knew it. She couldn't be a single parent and a firefighter at the same time and doing both the justice they needed. At work, she needed to be concentrated all the time. And at home, she needed to be there for Malia and not run out of the house whenever there was a fire. But she had help. And Meredith, Derek Shepherd's wife was a saint to her, watching Malia whenever she had to work and she, in turn, watched both girls whenever the married couple wanted a night out. "Promise me to be good for Meredith, okay?", she asked, kissing the top of the dark-haired head.

"Of course, tia Callie", the girl agreed, jumped from the chair and ran to the door to get her jacket from the rack on the wall. "I forgot my Nana!", she yelped and sped up the stairs to get the stuffed ice-bear which she couldn't sleep without. It was the last plush toy she got from her parents. In the beginning, Nana went everywhere Malia went. School, doctor's appointments and counseling. Now she only hugged it at night and that just in the span of barely eighteen months.

"Hurry up!", the Latina yelled and checked her duffle bag one last time, even though she already knew that she had everything she needed. Most of the stuff she needed was in her locker at work anyway, but it never hurt to have an extra pair of clothes on top of the extra pair she already had at work.

Malia came back bouncing down the stairs, jumping the last few steps and landing safely on her sneaker-clad feet. "Now I am ready", she grinned, slipped into her jacket and picked up her backpack. "Tia Callie?" She waited for her aunt to look at her and then asked, "You will come back to me, right? You have to promise and cross your heart, tia Callie."

"I will always come back to you, Malia", the Latina replied, like every morning when she headed off to work and her niece needed the confirmation. "I promise." She crossed her heart, smiling as the little Latina watched her every move. Opening her arms after that, she let the girl hug her as tight as the muscles in her small arms could afford and held on tight to the slim form of her niece. "I love you, as much as the sky has stars. But now we have to hurry."

"I love you, too. To the moon and back", Malia replied and in a whim, she was out of the door and securely seated in the back of her aunt's car, already playing with her Nintendo 3DS as Callie got in behind the steering wheel. "Can we go to the mall tomorrow and get me a new Professor Layton game? I am almost finished with this one."

"We bought this one a month ago, Malia", the brunette laughed, looking at the girl through the rear-view mirror. Big brown eyes were focused on the brainteaser, the bottom lip trapped between perfect white teeth. "What did you do? Stay up every night and play the game?"

Malia shrugged, "I'm just good at it." And she was. She loved to unravel mysteries and the fact that Zola, her now best friend, loved it too and they often solved the riddles together was just an added bonus in the girl's life. Something Callie was really glad about. "Please?"

"I see what I can do", Callie replied, still chuckling. It wasn't a question about money. She had grown up with a trust fund, just like her brother and his money was now all put in an account for Malia to have when she was old enough. But she really tried not to spoil her niece too much. Callie herself mostly lived from her salary as a firefighter. With no rent to pay for an apartment because she bought a small house with her parents' money after the relationship ended – she simply couldn't live alone at the place they had shared, the money she made was more than enough for Malia and herself. Technically, it was the only time she had ever taken money from the trust fund, she didn't want do rely on her parents' money, even after she inherited half of it.

"Tia Callie?", Malia asked, looking up and waited for her aunt's eyes to meet hers through the mirror. "Why did our parents die so early? Papá told me abuela died from cancer and abuelo missed her too much, he was too lonely and eventually, he let God take him to be with abuela again. Why did my parents die? Did they miss abuelo and abuela too much?"

Questions like these always startled Callie. Usually, Malia refused to talk about death. She acknowledged it, knew that her parents were no longer alive, but she didn't like to talk about it. Every once in a while though, she asked questions like these and the adult Latina did never have an answer. "I don't know, Malia. Sometimes, life is not fair to us and takes people away from us. Even though we love them and want them around all the time." Just like Callie had wanted to marry the only woman she ever truly loved. People say that, at least, life was unfair to everybody, but that didn't exactly help. In her eyes, her family, she and her niece, had suffered enough for a lifetime.

Malia sighed and looked back down at the device in her hands before checking her backpack for the charger, finding that she forgot it at home. "Can we turn around and get the charger for my Nintendo?"

"Not today, sweetie. We're almost there and I have to be at the firehouse in thirty minutes. Just ask Zola if you can borrow hers, okay?" At the next green light, she turned left and stopped in front of the school. "Tomorrow, 2pm", she said again and her niece nodded before Callie held out her cheek, knowing that the girl would lean forward to place a smooching kiss on it. "Love you."

"Love you too!"

And suddenly, the car was silent. Her head fell back against the headrest as tan fingers clasped the steering wheel. Many months had passed since she had lost her brother, since she and Malia became a family. But that didn't mean that the hole in their hearts had closed as well. "I miss you, Arias", she said to literally no one before starting the engine, hoping that she would not be late today.

* * *

"Good morning, Lieutenant", the brunette greeted the man when she entered the locker room – she had arrived just in time – and found Owen Hunt putting his belongings away. He was a good Lieutenant, always looked out for the firefighters of the truck company 42. Yes, it was his job, but there were good Lieutenants like him and there were bad seed who still thought women didn't belong on a firetruck. Callie had proved them all wrong, but she wouldn't be here if somebody would not have given her the chance in the first place.

"Good morning, Torres. How is Malia?", he asked with genuine interest, closing his locker and facing the tall brunette. He loved the girl – just like probably everybody else from the firehouse did – and whenever she came by to visit, he let her sit in the truck with him, enjoying the young Latina's made up stories of fires and people she saved.

"She's good. Really good. She wants to become a firefighter when she grows up and because I really love my job and I could never imagine doing something else, I fear that her dream won't change and that I can't protect her and then she gets hurt." She had never thought she would ever feel that way, so overly protective about someone who is not her lover, but Malia was too precious, so important to her. Protecting her niece was her number one priority.

Patting the Latina's shoulder, Hunt laughed, "She still has a few years before she grows up, you should just enjoy that time. And as long as she is a badass firefighter like her aunt, I think she can handle it. She can learn from one of the best, Torres. I think the injuries you've had since you've transferred from firehouse 10 almost two years ago, are countable on one hand, so I really wouldn't worry too much if Malia takes after you." After that, he left the brunette alone to change. Unisex locker rooms were not really the best solution, especially for the women who chose to work in a so called 'man's world'. So everybody at the firehouse respectfully left the room as soon as they were done whenever the female firefighters or paramedics had to change.

"Firehouse 22, fire in an apartment building, 528 Lenora Street. Truck 42, Squad 8, ambulance 72, battalion 11", came the female voice through the speakers after the obnoxiously loud siren called for attention and Callie groaned in annoyance before pulling the sweatshirt over her head. After making sure that Malia had had her breakfast for a good start into the day, she had completely forgotten to have some as well – beside the regular morning coffee, of course. And usually, it didn't matter, there was always enough food at the firehouse to feed every hungry mouth. But today, it seemed, she didn't get to get anything before the first run.

Running to the truck, she quickly jumped into the pants and boots of her uniform and grabbed her jacket from the hook before climbing into the truck. "Morning guys", she smiled, looking at tired faces in the backseats of the truck as she pulled her hair back into a ponytail. "Rough night?"

"Don't ask", Henry Burton replied grumpily. "Remind me to never ever be Sloan's wing-man again. That guy can drink way too much and still be all chipper and fine the next morning. He needs you back, Torres. You are used to this. And you are way better at picking up girls for him than any of us."

"Sorry, no can do", Callie laughed. On the outside. But on the inside, her heart stung just a little bit more than it did a minute ago. Nights out with her best friend of fifteen years, Mark Sloan, were a thing of the past. She had Malia now. And even though the girl couldn't mend her heart completely, the brunette chose to stay alone and dwell in her memory instead. "But maybe I can show you a trick or two."

"It's the fourth fire in the same building within the last three weeks", Lieutenant Hunt called from the front seat as George O'Malley, driver of truck 42, steered the heavy vehicle through Seattle's traffic, following the squad's truck. "Be careful out there. I think we're dealing with a case of malicious arson."

Callie took a look at the other firefighters. Everybody had its own habit of preparation before going into a building that was on fire. Some prayed, some stared ahead or out of the window, others took it so light, they made jokes before they arrived at the scene. And she always thought about Malia and-

"We're here", Hunt announced and jumped out of the truck, quickly taking in as many details of the situation as he could. It looked like the fire was raging from floor three to five. "Alright, O'Malley, Burton, check the elevator and stop it if you need to. Madden, Hanson, get the ladder in position. Torres, we'll take the stairs and start on the fifth floor, checking the apartments and work our way down. Go, go, go!"

"Got it, Lieutenant", the Latina nodded to Hunt's words and grabbed one of the oxygen bottles and the mask, before following the Lieutenant up the front stairs. Securing the oxygen cylinder on her back and the mask over her face, she gave the man a tight nod and was through the door right after him. People came running down the stairs, crying, screaming, fleeing from the smoke and the fire as the two firefighters crested flight after flight, the smoke getting darker and thicker with every floor they left behind.

Once they reached the fifth floor, barely able to see anything, Hunt turned around to Callie and said, "I'll go left, you go right. Get everyone out. You've got maximum two minutes for yourflank, Torres."

That was the rush of the job, the thing that gave her the thrill she always needed. Kicking the first door open, she yelled, "Fire department, anyone in here?" But nobody answered. She looked through the rest of the apartment, relieved that it was indeed empty and moved on to the next one. "Elevator's clear", O'Malley's voice echoed through the radio system when Callie came out of the last apartment on her side, met Hunt in the middle and they swiftly made their way back down to the fourth floor.

"Fire department, anyone here?" No voice, no sound. The smoke wasn't too thick in here, she could actually see pretty much everything. It was the same procedure as on the upper floor and she once again found no victim, but saw how Sloan made it out of one of the windows, most likely after rescuing someone over the ladder. Essentially, that was a good thing. Not only did it mean that the rescue squad was evacuating the house from the outside, but it also meant that they could soon start to put out the blaze.

"Alright, one more floor Torres and then let's get out of here before it blows up in our faces. Madden, are you done with the roof?"

"All done, Sir", came the response.

"Hunt, I give you one minute before I need you to retreat", Chief Webber ordered over the radio.

Both, Hunt and Callie nodded before opening yet another apartment door. The Latina called out again, nothing. She opened every door, nothing, no sign of anybody. But just when she turned around, she saw a hand behind a couch. And then there was a second, smaller hand. "Shit. Victims in apartment 304, I need help in here!", she yelled when she saw that it was a woman and a child in her arms. "Hunt!"

Hunt had come running to the Latina after checking the last apartment on his side, "I'm here Torres. I'll take the woman. Get the child out of here." Throwing the unconscious woman over his shoulder, the Lieutenant trotted away, his steps heavier with the additional weight he carried. Luckily for them, the fire hadn't reached the hallways yet.

Nodding, thankful for the quick work of her Lieutenant, Callie picked up the child, a boy – not older than her niece, over and over covered with soot and the skin of his left arm, from the shoulder down to his hand, heavily burned. Shaking the image that this was Malia out of her head, the brunette followed Hunt down the stairs. The sight got better and better the lower she got. She had learned not to count the stairs or steps, instead she was taught to keep going until she could see the light, either of the day, or from the blue lights of the sirens shining in the night.

Another few steps and she was out of the building, immediately searching for a free stretcher. There were people everywhere and when Callie finally found an empty gurney and the paramedics that came running towards her to meet her halfway, she didn't look up until she had the chance to put the boy down. Exhausted from the rescue, she closed her eyes before pulling of her mask, using the sleeve of her uniform to wipe the sweat from her forehead. When she opened her eyes again, she stared into a pair of painfully, too familiar pools of intense blue.

"Calliope?"

* * *

AN3: So, did you like that?


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Wow guys, the response to the first chapter has been A-fucking-mazing! Seriously. You blew me away. God, I wish it would just stay like this for the rest of the story.

AN2: Still working on the OUAD update. Doesn't come as easily as it used to be last year... but I'm working on it, promised!

Desclaimer: The idea is mine, most of the characters (and names) belong to Shonda Rhimes and I just play with them.

This chapter continues right where the first one stopped. I hope you'll enjoy it.

* * *

" _Calliope?"_

Questioning crystal blue eyes were glued to the firefighter standing right before her, irritation written all over her face as she studied the features of the woman she thought she would never see again. "I-", she began, but her mind was racing too fast for her to put anything she was processing into words. What could she say? I'm sorry? I didn't know? Of course she didn't know. It was her first day at firehouse 22. How could she have known that Calliope Torres worked there too?

"Robbins, we need to leave", Kepner told the blonde after intubating their young patient and then addressed Callie to inform her, "We'll take him to Seattle Press, his mother is already in an ambulance on her way to the same hospital, two more are on their way for the other victims."

The Latina absentmindedly nodded, only partly comprehending the redhead's words. She felt lost and found at the same time. Up until she took Malia in, it was beyond her how she ever lived a day without seeing the other woman, how she got up every morning and went about her day. Some days, she simply didn't get up unless she had to work. But now, after seeing Arizona again, so close, within arm's reach, the brunette instantly felt better. As if the past two years had never happened. Which was ridiculous, because they definitely had and there was still this huge void, but for just this moment, Callie didn't feel it. She felt actually really good.

"Robbins", Kepner hollered and within a split second, the blonde jumped into the back of the ambulance to monitor the boy while April closed the door, climbed in behind the steering wheel and started the engine.

All the brunette could do was watch, motionlessly look on as the two paramedics left the field. And as the ambulance was long gone, disappeared through the traffic with another burn victim, Callie still stared down the road.

"Torres, are you okay?", Mark asked, sincerely worried as he noticed the Latina's stupor. The truck company had put out the raging fire, the special unit for arson already got the clear to search for the cause of the blaze. Their work was basically done and the firefighters of firehouse 22 started to get ready to leave. "Are you hurt? We need a paramedic here!"

"No!", she objected. "I'm fine." But was she really fine? She was shocked. Never ever had she expected to work with Arizona again. After they broke up, the blonde hadn't even waited a whole twenty-four hours before running away, filed for transfer without hesitation and took three days off to sort out the rest. And Callie hadn't seen her since that fateful night.

"You look pale, Torres. Even under all that dirt, you really don't look so good right now", he commented and flung his arm around his best friend's shoulder. "What do you say, you, me, a few beer and maybe something stronger, tomorrow night. It will be just like old times." The tall man knew that Callie was going to decline, politely, but decline nonetheless. And he understood where she was coming from, he simply wanted to do something for the brunette.

"I can't, Mark. I promised Malia to spend the time with her. I already feel guilty as it is. She spends so much time at Derek's house, she needs me to be there for her whenever I can." To be completely honest, Callie wasn't even sure she wanted to go out and drink anymore. It was a way to numb her feelings, but it only buried the issue until she could think clear again. "You could come over next Saturday and hang out with us?", she suggested, knowing that spending some time around adults – outside of work – would be good for her. "I could invite some more people and have a little get-together at my place."

He smiled at her and waved for his squad to wait just two more minutes. "That sounds like a good idea, Torres. Will you invite the new paramedic?", he asked, not knowing that he knew her. "I haven't met her yet, but from what Kepner said, she's nice."

Callie's only answer was an agreeing hum before walking back to the truck and climbing in. Should she really invite Arizona? Not inviting her would not be nice, but wouldn't it be awkward anyway? She didn't even know how to act around the blonde. Even after two years, her heart still beat for only her. Solely Arizona had the power to make it throb harder and faster in her chest. Yet, in her mind, she never had a chance to repair what she had broken that specific night.

* * *

„So", April Kepner began as she maneuvered the ambulance in the direction of Seattle Presbyterian, „that was quite interesting. Do you now her? Torres, I mean?" Light brown eyes checked out the blonde's reaction through the rearview mirror, but Arizona was busy monitoring the boy's vitals and kept a straight face. If there were two things she could almost always separate, it was her emotions and the focus she needed to keep at work? "We don't have to talk about her. I just thought that-"

"Great!", the blonde snapped, cutting her fellow paramedic off mid-sentence. She didn't exactly know herself how to deal with this anyway. Over the past two years, she had – deliberately and successfully – banned every thought about the Latina, buried them deep inside her so she could move on. It never happened. Too painful was the memory and the prospect of the picture perfect life that never came true. But at least she couldn't say that she hadn't tried. In retrospect, Callie had probably made the right decision. That didn't mean it hurt any less, back than – or even now. "Are we close to the hospital yet?", she asked, fearing that her patient's life was hanging on a very thing thread. "BP's dropping."

"Thirty seconds", the redhead replied, putting her foot down so hard, she was flooring the gas pedal. April had always had a good sense for people and felt when something wasn't right. She knew that something was up between her new partner and Callie Torres. The tension at the scene hat been palpable. But it was also clear that Arizona didn't want to elaborate anything right now, so she dropped the topic. For now. "We're here."

It took Arizona all of three seconds to unbuckle her seat belt and fling the back door of the ambulance open. Filling the doctors and nurses in on the boy's critical condition as they rushed him through the ER to an empty trauma room, it felt like she didn't take a breath until the doors closed in front of her right after a doctor told her that 'they got it from here'. That was her rush. She remembered how Callie always told her that walking into a building which was on fire was the kick of adrenaline she embraced on every shift. Arizona thought that it was kind of morbid to think like that. But at the same time, it was the odd things Callie had always loved more and she loved that about the brunette. And she could understand where the Latina was coming from – she felt a similar high every time she hurried through the ER with a patient on a gurney.

"Are we good to go?", April asked, stepping up to the blonde who was filling out the papers at the nurses' desk. Being a fan of neat handwriting, the redhead studied her partner's right hand moving the pen over the paper, creating legible words. It was always a good thing to be able to read the paramedic's handwriting. Made work a lot easier – for everybody.

Arizona flipped the chart close and turned to April. "Yup, all done. The first patient of the shift is in good hands now, still alive and it will hopefully stay that way", she replied with a smile that didn't reach her eyes. Her mind was too busy trying to comprehend running into the love of her life. But still, it was an honest smile. "Ready to head back to the firehouse, whenever you are."

"Oh! I'm always ready to head back. Torres probably made one of her famous, delicious breakfasts and I am always down for that. Ever since she transferred to our firehouse, the men started gaining weight and have to use the fitness room more often", she laughed.

"Callie cooks for the whole firehouse?", Arizona wondered, blinking her eyes in confusion. Before, when they were together, Callie refused to cook for their company of firehouse 63, saying that the men should learn to make their food themselves. The blonde had always been the only one to benefit from the Latina's cooking. Since they were on the same shifts, they entered and left the firehouse together. And on most days, they kept to themselves. Maybe that wasn't really healthy for their relationship, spending so much time together, but it never seemed to rock their love. Frankly though, the men of 63 were childish idiots towards women. And leaving the place was most likely for the better after putting up with their juvenile behavior for far too long. Still, it surprised her that Callie actually cooked for the company of 22. "Must be good people then", she mumbled her conclusion and followed April with a sad smile on her face. The brunette had always had a good sense in people.

* * *

Back at the firehouse, the brunette had indeed occupied the place behind her stove, fixing French toast and omelets for herself and the whole crew. She actually enjoyed cooking for her friends. It gave her a relaxing feeling and something to keep her mind busy so she wouldn't think about a certain blue-eyed, dimpled, blonde paramedic. Or, it usually helped. Today though, it didn't work, at all. Ever since she saw the hurt and surprise wash over her favorite pair of ocean blue eyes, she could not get that image out of her head. How was she supposed to work with Arizona again? So much had happened, so much in her life Arizona had no clue about. It was probably the same the other way around. So much had been left unsaid when the blonde had left – even though talking about it didn't seem necessary at first. When Arizona hadn't showed up at work the next day and the Latina found out about the other woman's transfer, Callie had felt the desperate need to tell her how much she despite everything – still loved her. How Arizona would always hold her heart. Back then, and now it was no different. Because she still loved the blonde so much, it was hardly bearable. But now she had Malia and the Latina wasn't sure how Arizona would take the new information. "This is stupid", she grumbled to herself as she prepared a few plates with food. "Breakfast is-" But the last words died in her throat when April and the woman that was constantly residing in her thoughts walked into the lounge room. Callie immediately froze on the spot. Her ex-lover looked stunning, the navy blue, figure-hugging paramedic's jacket accentuated her pale skin. Piercing blue eyes found soulful brown orbs with ease and even over the distance of thirteen feet, it was like every emotion she had drowned in alcohol came crashing down upon her and flooded her to her core.

Arizona seemed to have the same problem. Stopping in her tracks just when she and the redhead came through the door, her gaze was glued to the Latina behind the kitchen island. Now, without the grime covering her cheeks and forehead, the brunette looked mesmerizingly perfect, just how she remembered her and how she kept picturing her in her dreams. A gray sweatshirt covered her torso up to the collar bones, the silk-like dark hair pulled back into a pony tail left a tan neck exposed and in the blonde's eyes, Callie had never looked more beautiful.

"I- I'm sorry", the Latina said quickly to no one in particular and rushed out, needed to flee from the situation before she would start to cry in front of her – mostly male – coworkers. The majority of them only knew the tough, hardworking firefighter she was and except for the one time she broke apart in Mark's arms, no one ever saw her shed some tears. And even the man she called her best friend by now didn't know why she had been struggling for months. So, no, she wouldn't let those men see her cry.

It took Arizona a moment before her feet started moving in the same direction Callie had just left. Most firehouses had the same type of rooms for everyone to use. A lounge, a locker room, showers and restrooms, a kitchen so neither would starve and last but not least, a relaxation room. So, wherever the Latina would have run of to, it would be one of these rooms and as long as she wouldn't burst into a shower any of the male firefighters was using, she'd be fine. "Calliope?", the blonde called out, hoping to get a response but not exactly expecting one. This whole situation was kind of messed up. Eventually, she found the Latina sitting on a bed, head in her hands and sobbing sounds came from the woman. "Oh, Calliope."

"Don't", the brunette pleaded, knowing that her ex-lover wanted to talk to her, wanted to approach her and ask how she had been. The spoken words wouldn't be the cause of her pain, though; she could – maybe – convince Arizona that she was fine. But the begging pools of intense blue, they would be her breaking point and she couldn't allow that. Thankfully, the blonde listened to her and stopped.

"I didn't expect to meet you here... or ever again, to be honest. Even though I came back for you. I drove by our old apartment and it had new tenants, I figured you'd moved back to Miami to be closer to your family." That was what she had done. After the break-up, she had packed everything she needed and transferred to a firehouse in Missouri, stayed with her parents until she had found a nice apartment for herself and that was where she had been until she came back to Seattle. Her heart missed the place to much, missed the other woman too much to stay away any longer. Maybe they could work it out this time.

The Latina didn't move, not even flinch. She kept her eyes on the ground, focusing on literally nothing as she squeezed the tiny stuffed ice-bear – similar to Malia's – her niece had given her. That was what she needed to focus on. Malia and the life they had. She couldn't let herself become emotionally attached again. Not if she wasn't sure that Arizona wouldn't run from their situation. And so far, it was the only possible outcome she could come up with if she would explain to the blonde that she was now – figuratively – a mother. "Because you just left..."

* * *

AN3: So, we got some Calazona action. What the hell actually happened? Heartbreak? Ladies and Gentlemen, it'll hurt.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Hey guys, this chapter once again picks up where the last one stopped. I hope you enjoy it. Let me hear your thoughts?

* * *

" _Because you just left..."_

The Latina's words penetrated the blonde's brain over and over again before she could form words herself. She hadn't just left. Callie had ended the relationship, had crushed all her dreams about a future together because the brunette didn't want children and that is why she had felt the need to leave. It wasn't a lighthearted decision. If she would have seen a chance that they could make it work, she would have stayed. That is what Arizona kept telling herself every night before she went to bed and every morning when she woke up. If she would have seen at least a little chance, she would have fought until she wouldn't have any strength left to do so. "I didn't just leave, Calliope. I... you broke up with me. Was I supposed to stay in the apartment and live with you, pretend that I was fine with the breakup and that the past years of our life didn't mean anything to me? That our love didn't mean anything to me?" Callie still hadn't turned around and talking to the brunette's back made Arizona furious, so the next time she spoke, she raised her voice, too many not quite yelling, but noticeably louder than before, "Would you at least have the decency to turn around when I talk to you?!"

Giving herself a moment to compose herself so she wouldn't face her ex-lover with tears in her eyes, Callie took a couple of deep breaths and internally, counted to ten. Ten seconds would have to be enough for now, just to make the blonde believe that she was fine, that should make her leave her alone. "What do you want, Arizona?", the brunette asked when her gaze met the other woman's. "What do you want from me, Arizona. You left", she said anew. "Actually, you ran away without looking back and left me there to pick up the pieces. I've tried to stay at the firehouse, _our_ firehouse, where we worked _together_ , but I couldn't. Everything there reminded me of you! And without you there, I couldn't deal with the guys' immature behavior either. But being at the apartment was even worse. You literally left me alone to sort out the rest of our broken relationship."

"You ended it!", Arizona yelled this time, tears brimming her eyes as she tried to understand the frostiness Callie obviously used to shield her beautiful, big heart. It's by far the thing that drew her to the Latina in the first place, her big heart. The brunette was a kind, loving person, who wasn't scared to get hurt but instead wore her heart on her sleeve. She had never seen her building a wall of blocks made of ice around her heart for protection. Until now. Clutching the sides of her top in her fists, she held on for dear life, as she feared to fall apart all over again. "I may have left but I couldn't stay there and see you every day. It hurt too much. It still hurts too much." The last sentence came out as a quiet breath of a whisper.

"Then why are you here now?", Callie wanted to know. She understood and believed the blonde when she said that she hadn't known that they would be working at the same fire station again. What she couldn't grasp was how Arizona purposefully searched for her to have a conversation. Why did she have to make it so hard for the both of them? "This place isn't the biggest, but if we try to avoid each other, I'm sure we can work together, somehow", she offered, fighting with her own tears just from looking at the blonde. It pained her to see Arizona like this. All she ever wanted to do was make the other woman happy, make her smile every day so she could see her dimples and her bright blue eyes shine from sheer joy. Never had she envisioned a scenario like this.

Scoffing, the blonde now crossed her arms over her chest. Avoid each other? She still loved Callie. She didn't want to avoid the brunette like their relationship was one huge mistake of her past. She wanted to try and make things work this time. If she – their love – were given another chance, she would give up her dream of being a mother. If that meant she and Callie would have another shot, that they could grow old together, she would only want that. "I don't want to avoid you", the blonde quietly confessed and waited for the other woman's reaction, searching her face for a sign that Callie wanted the same. Yet, the Latina's face remained emotionless, of which Arizona was sure, was just a facade. But she also knew that if the brunette didn't want to talk, she didn't stand a chance to get through to her.

"Yo, Torres, Meredith and the kids are here, they are waiting for you by the fire trucks", Mark announced and closed the door just as quick as he had opened it. Whatever the two women were arguing about, he didn't want to get between them. So he had waited until there was a moment of silent to deliver the news.

Frantically wiping her eyes and cheeks to clean them from the tears she had shed, Callie put the stuffed ice-bear back in its place – on top of the small bedside table – and started to walk away. When she was almost at the door, she turned around, seeing that Arizona hadn't moved an inch, but that she had her head in her hands, sobbing. "I'm sorry, but... it's better this way", she said and left the room, desperately trying to make herself believe her own words. Clearing her head on her way to the fire trucks, the Latina forced herself to smile. Malia didn't need to know that she had a rough morning. "What are you doing here?", she asked when she found her niece climbing into the fire truck with Derek's help. "Shouldn't you be in school?"

"Tia Callie!", Malia hopped down the steps and ran to her aunt before jumping into her arms, hugging her tightly. "Our teachers are sick", she explained, "and Ms. Baxter said that every available parent should pick up their kids because they can't teach us today and maybe even tomorrow." Apparently, most of the teachers were hit by a wave of the flu and there simply wasn't enough staff to keep the classes going. The grin on the dark-haired girl's face was priceless. A day off in the middle of the week, that was spectacular news to her – even though she was usually pretty eager for knowledge and absorbed every word from her teachers.

Looking at her fellow firefighter's wife, the tall brunette asked, "Isn't that too much? To watch them both for more than twenty-four hours? Meredith, if you have other plans, I can ask the chief and-"

"Nonsense", the thin woman with dark blonde hair told the Latina. "It's fine. We'll go to the zoo and if it's okay with you, I'll take the girls to see a movie. We'll do some of the extra works for school and I'll just keep them busy until they pass out tonight", she laughed. It really didn't bother her that much. Sure, the house-cleaning and grocery shopping would have to wait for another day or two, but that wasn't exactly the end of the world. "Don't worry, okay?"

"Okay", Callie sighed in relief as she put her niece back on the ground – the girl simply getting to big for her to carry her around longer than a few minutes. Meredith was an angel sent to her when she needed one the most. "I can't thank you enough, Mer." She really didn't know what to do without the other woman. Being a housewife and mother only was not something she could picture for herself. She needed to do something good, something important. But if life would demand a change for her, if she needed to make a decision, she would always choose Malia over her job and she was one-hundred percent okay with it.

"Nonsense, again", the other woman laughed. "Just make sure to invite us to your next dinner party and let us have some of your awesome food", she winked at the Latina. "Oh, and maybe you could watch Zola one weekend next month It's our anniversary and Derek promised to take me to the Space Needle. Apparently, he made the reservations almost a year ago."

Feeling blue eyes watching her, the brunette needed a moment to find her words. Arizona's gaze was intense, staring a whole into the back of her head – at least, that's what it felt like. "No problem. Just give me a heads up so I can make a plan. Because, apparently, Meredith Shepherd is better at entertaining two girls than I am", she mocked, repeating her niece's comment from a few weeks ago.

Just when Malia was about to correct her – and Callie knew her niece well enough to know she would defend her own words, the siren blared through the truck hall, followed by the situation status through the speakers, "Firehouse 22, car accident on Fourth Avenue, Battery Street. Trapped and injured person, two more injured people on the scene. Truck 42, Squad 8, ambulance 72, battalion 11."

And then everything happened really fast. Derek helped his daughter out of the truck, gave Meredith a quick kiss before she left with the kids. Callie jumped into her uniform pants and boots before grabbing her jacket from the hook. The ambulance was already on its way out – with Kepner once again as the driver – when the brunette climbed into the truck. "We're good to go, lieutenant", she said when fire unit of Truck 42 was complete.

Upon arriving at the scene, Arizona was quick to exit the car and let her eyes scanthe surroundings, getting a general idea of the situation. Despite her own inner turmoil and the emotional state she was in, regardless of how badly she just wanted to crawl into her bed and cry for an hour or two, this was not the time to let her feelings control her. She had to toughen up and push everything that could possibly distract her to the back of her mind – for the second time today – and do her job. Which was harder than this morning. Her thoughts were racing a mile a minute in every possible direction, each ending up revolving around memories of Callie, Callie and her being in love, of her and Callie planning their future together. But she needed to focus. "We need three cervical collars and at least one spine board, maybe two", she muttered, more to herself than to her fellow paramedic. They most likely wouldn't be able to reach the victim in the crashed car yet, but they were able to help the other two people first. "Kepner, check on the man, I'll check the woman and when the firefighters freed the one in the car, we'll take over."

"Okay", April nodded and grabbed one of the collars and a paramedic's bag from the back of the ambulance. Fast steps alongside the new paramedic through the in charge drizzling rain led her to the middle-aged man. He had blood on the right side of his face, coming from the cut right above his eyebrow, but other than that, he seemed fine. "Sir, are you in pain?"

"Just my head", he answered, his words clear and strong. Relief settled on the two paramedics when the woman confirmed the same state, saying that she only had a pounding headache, probably the result from a concussion caused by the impact. Putting the cervical collars on the patients to stabilize them and prevent any future trauma during the transport to the hospital, they checked their eyes with a flashlight and the reaction of the pupils.

"Robbins!", Chief Webber's deep voice practically vibrated through the air and after the blonde made sure that April was good to handle the elder couple alone until the second ambulance would arrive to take them to the hospital, she jogged over to the chief. Noticing that the firefighters had secured the second car and put out the small fire, she stopped next to her new boss, surveying the work of the rescue squad as he spoke, "Can you climb into the car through the passenger's side door to brace his neck? We need to cut off the roof and we can't risk him moving too much."

"Of course", Arizona replied with a sharp nod, grabbed the third collar and got into the car. It came with the job, but she never liked being in a car while the rescue squad worked on the metal body. There was always the chance that something could go wrong. And she couldn't help but feel trapped in a tin can – not exactly a comfortable feeling – but she had to trust their crew to do their job right. "Alright, we're ready." The next sound that filled her ears was the screeching noise of the flex as it cut through the metal. Closing her eyes until it was over, the blonde then helped lifting the patient out of his damaged car. Getting out herself, the easy way by jumping out of it since there was no rooftop left, she waited until he was on a gurney before she checked his vitals. The drizzles had turned into a down-pouring rain and it blurred her sight. "Alright, I have a heartbeat and a pulse, but neither is perfect. Help me get him into the ambulance?" A few firefighters nodded, pushing the stretcher in the direction of the vehicle. For a crash that bad, the patient definitely could have ended up with injuries much worse than what he had. The blonde had definitely seen worse. From shattered legs to a total lung collapse, she had seen all of it.

Once inside, Arizona hooked her patient up on a portable monitor to observe his vitals after she established a vascular access to administer fluids and pain medication. "Do you need anything else?", Callie asked her, standing there as if she didn't have anything else to do. With her helmet in her right hand and the uniform jacket unzipped despite the heavy raindrops, her left hand fumbled with the edge of the high temperature resisting visor as the Latina looked indecisive and kind of vulnerable at the blonde. Add this to the strange and icy demeanor from earlier, Arizona didn't know how to react or what to say. But she also could not deal with this right now. She had a patient to take care of, and so many things to think about. "I'm good", she answered curtly and refocused on her patient. Shortly after the weird incident, April closed the back doors, fired the engine and took them to the hospital.

* * *

"What the hell, Callie?", Arizona immediately confronted the Latina when she got back from Seattle Presbyterian and found the Latina alone in the locker room as she obviously wanted to put on a fresh shirt. "You cannot do this. You are not allowed to do this. First you don't want to talk to me, and then, when I have to keep my eyes on a patient – of all things – you think it's a good idea to speak up?" The blonde was furious. She had had enough time to stew on her pent-up anger on the way back and with every second she was given to think about everything that had happened today, she became even more enraged.

"I just-", the brunette started but stopped. Initially, she wanted to congratulate Arizona on the good work. Knowing how much the blonde despised being in a totaled car, she had always admired how calm her ex-lover remained while being in that very situation. And congratulating her was what she always used to do, back when they were working together, living together, when they were happy together. But when the Latina saw the blonde in the car, all courage left her when she remembered that the past was the past. And she suddenly felt like she didn't deserve the right to tell her that anymore. So she chose different words. Nevertheless, she wanted to get this off her chest. "You did great today. That's what I wanted to say. Not that you have ever been not great. You are the best paramedic I know. But... you were amazing, today. Better than I have ever seen you work. That's all I wanted to tell you", she said, playing with the freshly washed fabric in her hands, using it as a distraction from the fluttering feeling in her stomach and to calm herself. There were so many things she wanted to say, so many unsaid words that wanted to be set free, but she stopped herself.

Staring at the woman in front of her with her mouth hanging wide open, she had no idea what to reply. It was so not what she had been expecting. At all. "I... thank you", she eventually said with a cracking voice, her eyes never leaving the Latina's face, even though Callie didn't meet her gaze. "It's been two years. I've learned a lot." After that, silence overcame them and for Arizona, it felt like it was slowly crushing her. She just wished she could erase the painful part of their past and go back to normal. And if the brunette would be up for it, even if it was just a tiny bit, she was sure they could fight through it. "Malia has gotten so big." The words left her mouth with a smile, although, originally, she didn't mean to say them.

Finally, obsidianeyes searched for blue ones and the wild, energetic flapping of butterfly wings in her stomach became harder to ignore. She still loved Arizona, so much that it hurt not to hug her, not to touch her, not to kiss her. But she couldn't drag the blonde into her life. Not with everything that had happened and was still going on. It wouldn't be fair to her. "It's been two years", she whispered eventually, repeating her ex-lover's words just loud enough so the other woman could hear her. And so much had changed in these two years. So much that Callie didn't understand how she even managed to handle all of it without Arizona by her side. The blonde used to be her rock, her shoulder to lean on. And she had been Arizona's in return. That was what love was supposed to be like, in good times and in bad, right? Through heaven and through hell, if one believed in that. But she had gone through hell alone because she had pushed away the one place she called heaven. And now everything was different.

* * *

AN2: So, we got a little information of what happened. It's always dark before the dawn, isn't it? And it's the darkest right before the sun rises. We're not there yet. It'll get worse before it can get better.

AN3: Also, just FYI, I'm going on a break for 2-3 weeks. And after that, I'll hopefully be back with an update for OUAD.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Anyone prepared to travel back in time with the ladies? I was and I kinda wasn't. When I started this chapter, I had no idea where it would take me and how it would end. Nor had I any clue what would exactly been said. Anyway, happy reading!

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It had been a long first day at the new firehouse for Arizona, the twenty-four hours she had done easily now felt like a double shift, weighing her down as she unlocked the door to her new apartment. Dragging herself into the warmth, she let her back collide with the wooden surface – closing the apartment door as her tired body leaned against it – and slid down, landing on the hard and cold floor. The blonde's head fell back as she tried to blink away the tears that started to brim. She was simply exhausted – physically and emotionally – and the view of unpacked moving boxes littered all over the apartment floor didn't exactly help to lift her mood. It felt so empty and she was lonely in this new, shiny place, whenever she remembered how much joy and fun she'd had when Callie and she moved into their first apartment together. This place wasn't where she wanted to be. She came back for the Latina, she wanted to be with Callie. Frankly, she hadn't expected to work with her ex-lover again, but she came back for her. That didn't seem to be one of her options at the moment, though. But at least she was closer to the love of her life now than she was while living in Missouri, where all she could think about was that one fateful night two years ago, the night that drastically changed her life.

 _** flashback, two years ago **_

" _I love you so, so much, Arizona. I want so much for you", the Latina said, repeating her own string of words for at least the sixth time as she sat on the sofa, facing the blonde and holding her hands. "And it hurts to know that I cannot give you what you want, what you dream of, that I am not the one who can make you ultimately happy in every aspect of your life." It was difficult for her to see the other, usually so strong, woman fight against her tears, to watch her crumble right before her eyes, but Callie knew that she had to pull through with it tonight. They had been dancing around the subject for months already. And she had tried to change for the blonde, had tried to befriend herself with the idea of becoming a mother and taking care of someone who would be dependent, who would need her. But she couldn't. As much as it hurt her to let her soulmate go and move on, it was better this way if they didn't want to resent each other in the future for being unhappy. "And I am so sorry. I just... I just don't see kids in my future, Arizona. Even though your kids will, without a doubt, be the cutest kids ever, with their blue eyes, dimples and blonde curls. But I... I can't see myself being their other... other mother." Choking on her own words, the brunette paused to collect her thoughts and feelings. She had expected a rough conversation, painful and full of tears, but it was so much harder, so much more unbearable than she had thought._

" _Maybe we can keep going. I can change. Maybe I don't want kids two years down the road either", Arizona suggested, desperately clinging onto ever last bit of hope she had inside her, despite knowing that Callie was right. That being the cause of each other's distress was not an option. Ever. She would rather miss the Latina every day for the rest of her life than hate her. Still, she wanted to fight until there_ _was nothing left to fight for. "I love you, Calliope", she said, the words leaving her lips in a sad whisper. "I can't imagine my life without you."_

" _But I don't know where we're going", the brunette held against that, feeling her lover's hands slip out of hers. She had tried to come up with something – anything – to avoid the breakup. Arizona's happiness was her only priority in this, she needed to focus on that. And if she couldn't guarantee a happy future for the woman she loved, someone else needed to_ _do_ _it. The blonde wouldn't stay alone forever. She was a charmer, made friend's easily. There was someone out there who would see all the good things she saw in Arizona, someone who would be able and willing to give her everything she wanted. Callie just wasn't meant to be the one for the blonde, as sad as that was and as much as it stung in her heart to admit it. Her fiancée maybe wasn't able to see this right now. But there would be a time where Arizona would be happily married and have those beautiful kids she wanted, the brunette felt it._

 _Taking a deep breath and wiping the tears away, blue eyes – a little puffy and bloodshot from all the crying she had done – locked with those deep brown orbs she loved so much. But maybe their love for each other wasn't enough to weather this storm. "What are we gonna do now?", she asked, toying with her engagement ring as the bittersweet thought crossed her mind that, at least, they weren't already married. Breaking a vow would make it impossibly hard. Even though the bigger part of her wished they were, she always wanted to be able to call the gorgeous brunette her wife – Callie was actually the first woman she could see all that with, marriage, kids, growing old together – and now they wouldn't make it this far. "What about the apartment?"_

" _We'll figure that out", Callie answered, the heartbreak and crying causing a splitting headache to form right behind her eyes. Her heart felt like it was being squished between two thick walls and bleeding out. And the worst of it was that she was the reason for her own pain. Just because she couldn't talk herself into wanting kids. "For tonight, I'm staying at my brother's and tomorrow, we'll-"_

" _We'll see each other at work", Arizona spoke softly, knowing exactly what the Latina was about to say. It was what they had always said when they had to part during an argument. And usually, it had helped and worked perfectly for them. After both had had some time_ _to cool off – because their fights were always heated, which wasn't a surprise considering that they were both very strong-headed and stubborn people – they were always able to tackle their issues together. This time though, the blonde figured one night, hell, even a month wouldn't change a thing. Not this time. "Can I hug you?" It was more a plea than a question and Arizona could only hope that her lover_ – _or was that ex-lover now? - would give her consent. Even if it was only meant as a goodbye._

 _The nod the brunette gave in response was enough to make the other woman smile, weakly and it only lasted a few short seconds, but Callie was certain she would miss that smile, those dimples and the melodic laughter. "Come here", she offered, and stood up, immediately giving in when Arizona pulled her closer. The blonde's perfume filled her, surrounded her. All she felt and needed in that moment was Arizona and before she knew it, they were kissing passionately, fiercely, kissing away all the hurt and pain they had lived through tonight. When slightly cold and trembling fingers sneaked beneath her shirt, Callie gasped and pulled away. "I'm sorry, I... we shouldn't." And all of a sudden, the Latina hectically scurried away from the woman who held her heart, grabbed her already packed duffle bag and left the apartment, leaving Arizona all to herself._

 _** end of flashback **_

"FUCK!", Arizona yelled and _chucked_ her keys into the direction of the open living room with so much power, they bust a hole in one of the boxes. She hadn't slept a minute that night and today would probably be no different. Tears welled up from the sheer memory of that fateful, painful day and she was too tired to care, letting them run down her cheeks was so much easier than fighting them. She had cried and screamed and changed into one of the brunette's over-sized sleep shirts that night before she had started to pack up her clothes, a few of her most important personal belongings and looked for the first flight out of Seattle. In a brief, unconscious moment, she had taken off her engagement ring and put it on the kitchen counter and willed herself to walk away. She couldn't. Not without the ring that meant so much more than a fancy party. It was a promise and even though Callie had broken that promise, she wanted to keep her ring, as a reminder, as her last hope.

It had still been dark outside when she had left the building and climbed into the cab, hours after the Latina had left her. She hadn't talked to the cabby, something she usually found quite polite. But she hadn't been in the mood. The apartment had tried to swallow her up, memories had haunted the blonde since Callie had left and she couldn't see how she was ever going to be able to come back here, come back to Seattle or get over the Latina and the love they had shared. The latter never happened and although she was back now, back at the place where she had left her heart two years ago, everything felt so messed up that she didn't see how it was going to work out. Callie had changed and she didn't know why. Maybe the brunette was in a new relationship already, had found someone who wanted the same future as she did, and Arizona showing up – even though it wasn't planned that they'd work together – would jeopardize the life she had now.

Getting up, Arizona checked the lids and sides of various boxes – looking for the right labeling – until she found the one she was looking for, containing a couple of winter clothes and the brunette's old shirt. Throwing it away had been impossible, the blonde simply couldn't find it in her heart. It was the only thing aside from the ring she had from Callie after leaving everything at the apartment. She couldn't wear the ring, couldn't even look at it without tearing up, but she could cry into the material of the shirt. So, even if there would never be a second chance for them, she wanted to keep this shirt. The Latina's smell had faded away long ago, but the image of the other woman wearing that shirt, with her cute panties peeking out from under the hem showing off those magnificent toned legs, would always be burned into the blonde's mind.

Holding the fabric under her nose, Arizona predicted it smelled of the brunette's perfume, of her shampoo or body wash. It didn't matter as long as it smelled like Callie. And unbeknownst to her, only four streets away from her new home, the Latina was doing the same with one of the blonde's old shirts she had kept after the breakup, sulking in old memories of good and bad times she had shared with the blonde over a glass of her ex-lover's favorite white wine.

* * *

AN2: Tissues, anyone? Honestly, I just wanna hug them. What do you think?


	5. Chapter 5

AN: here's a belated Happy Easter. The response to the last chapter was truly amazing, guys. Your support of my writing is awesome! Thank you, for all of it!

* * *

Callie heard the pitter-patter sound of Malia's bare feet meeting the wooden floor before her niece reached the last step of the stairs. It brought a smile to her face as she lifted her eyes from the book she was reading, checking the long case clock on the wall across the couch. Two years ago, she wouldn't have reacted like this, would have envisioned her future entirely different from what it was now. These days though, she missed the young Latina whenever she couldn't be around her. And she had surely more than enjoyed the little extra time with her niece today – since the majority of her teachers was still sick and she had picked her up a bit early at the Shepherd's residence. Malia had obviously had a blast, the little bundle of energy had kept Callie on her feet almost all afternoon, looking for a new Professor Layton game first and then dragged her on to another rack for a second game because the brunette just couldn't say no to her niece's big brown puppy-dog eyes. Her father, Carlos Torres, even though he was known as a strong and strict man, must have had exactly the same troubles whenever she had batted her eyes at him, asking for something she had wanted as a child. And even though she could easily pay for her own life now, afford what her heart desired, she'd give all that money away if she could just look into her parents' eyes one more time, dance with her father for one more night, laugh with her mother for another couple of hours. "Malia, it's after ten", she reminded the girl before little legs stopped in front of her. School was supposed to start again tomorrow, with regular schedules and classes, and she knew that the young brunette needed her sleep or she would be cranky and couldn't stay focused. "What are you still doing up?"

"I can't sleep", the girl answered with a shrug of her shoulders and a pout when she stood at the small coffee table where her aunt could see her. She was tired from the day, but too many thoughts racing around in her brain kept her up since she had said goodnight to the older Latina almost two hours ago. "Can I come cuddle for a bit?"

Placing the book aside, Callie's eyes studied the girl for a few seconds. She probably should send her back to bed, but a little voice inside her told her that something was up. Her niece wasn't one to start a fight about going to bed. She didn't come out of her room to have one last glass of water or one last kiss goodnight to buy herself just a little bit more time to stay awake. Yet, here she was, standing seemingly uneasy in her favorite pair of pajamas, the pants were littered with small prints of her beloved Super Mario Cart characters and the front of the top showed Yoshi and Mario holding the trophy in the air. The love for video games was definitely something Malia had inherited from her deceased father. Admittedly, the nine year old was growing out of it fairly quickly, the legs and sleeve were already a little too short, but her niece still wanted to wear it. And she did look adorable in it. "Come here", Callie gave in with a warm smile and opened her arms for the girl to snuggle into her side. "What's bothering you?", she asked after a few minutes of silently running her fingers through her niece's soft tresses.

"You look sad", Malia stated matter-of-factly and looked up at her aunt while simultaneously clenching her fist in the older brunette's shirt. "When we were at the mall, you were quiet, unusually quiet and you seemed lost deep in your thoughts", she explained her observations. The usually funny personality of her aunt had been missing throughout the day. Having a good sense in people and moods, she had picked up on the other Latina's different behavior on their way from Zola's to the mall and at first she had guessed Callie had been focused on the street, but she had remained mostly silent. And she knew that grown-ups couldn't always be happy. But her aunt mostly tried to cover her sorrow and worries in front of her. "Do you miss my parents? And abuela and abuelo? Because I miss them and sometimes I miss them more and get sad when I remember that they are not here anymore." Stifling a yawn, she climbed onto Callie's lap, wrapped her arms around the woman's torso and rested her head against her chest. Her aunt's heartbeat had an oddly calming effect on her ever since her parents died. It had quickly become a routine for them if she couldn't stop crying or was upset. She relished in the closeness and the thudding sound from the woman's pounding heart.

Callie on the other hand, speechless from the response she got, tensed up. Admittedly, she had been distant, had been engrossed in her memories about a life she had with a certain blue-eyed paramedic, something she would probably never be able to forget. But she hadn't expected Malia to notice it. "I miss them, every day", she replied, telling only one part of the truth. How was she supposed to explain to her niece that her current thoughts revolved around Arizona, how much she missed her and how badly she wanted her back but didn't want to drag the blonde into her messed up life. The girl sitting on her thighs was too sensitive to not make the connections, thinking that it was because of her. Which was, in all honesty, not true. Malia and Arizona knew each other and had always had a good relationship. They had even ganged up on Callie when playing hide and seek. She wasn't worried that her niece wouldn't like the blonde or that Arizona had developed a sudden animosity towards the young Latina, but her ex-lover wanted kids – babies – with Callie and not a child that was already going to school. She wanted to experience everything from the beginning, it wasn't fair to ask Arizona to accept the life the brunette had now and take that away from her. No matter how much the Latina wished for that to happen. It just wouldn't be fair, to either of them.

A sigh escaped Malia's lips and she instinctively pressed her face more against her aunt's torso, drying her tears right the second they spilled from her eyes on Callie's shirt. "Do you remember how Arizona always used to braid my hair when you came over?", she asked literally out of nowhere. The arms that were wrapped around her small frame noticeably tightened for a few seconds before her aunt's hold loosened. "She made the prettiest braids."

Dark brown eyes blinked rapidly in equal parts of wonder and confusion, the older Latina needing a moment before she found her voice again. She had no idea how the girl's mind had jumped to that question. But as she only began to ponder about the why, her heart and brain chose to give her flashbacks of those times. Arias had been a hopeless case when it came to braiding hair, his motor function and eyes to hands coordination simply wasn't good enough. His wife – Callie's sister in law, Elena – had been decent at making braids. Normal braids. What Arizona's hands were capable of though was art. She indeed created the prettiest variation of braids, making Malia feel like a princess. "I do, why do you ask?"

Lifting her head to look at her aunt again, the girl spoke softly, "I thought I saw Arizona at the firehouse yesterday. The woman near the door looked exactly like her. It made me think of her and how happy you were when she was with you. Mamá always said she made you smile the widest and Papá said that you're gonna marry her one day, before you even thought about proposing", she said, repeating her late father's words. Replaying her own sentence in her head, the little Latina then asked, "Why didn't you marry Arizona, tia Callie?"

Having no response ready and feeling her heart breaking just a little more in her chest, Callie cleared her throat but apart from that, remained quiet. Why didn't she marry Arizona? It was such a heavy-loaded question. She had never dreamed about getting married, but that had changed with every day she had spent with the blonde. So why didn't she marry Arizona and change her dream once again?

Because she had not wanted to be a mother. Because she had been selfish and had wanted Arizona all to herself, adding to the strong fact that she simply didn't see herself being a mother. Considering the situation she was in now, it was ridiculous. She had so much love to give, and between her and the blonde, there would have easily been enough love to share for a third person. But she had chosen her career, her life as a firefighter, the life she knew and had been happy with. Arizona made her beyond happy, she hadn't needed, hadn't wanted anyone else. And now here she was, basically a mother to a smart nine year old – even though it wasn't Callie who had raised her niece for the better part of her young life, Malia had turned out pretty well, despite everything she – they both – had lived through in the past two years. "I think you should go back to bed and try to sleep", the Latina said instead of giving the girl an answer. She hadn't expected to be flooded with another wave of memories this evening. She barely held it together as it was. It left her choking on her words and she had to accept that right now, she wasn't able to handle all these emotions. "Shall I tuck you in again?"

Malia nodded, not understanding why her aunt didn't answer her question, but she was too tired to ask again. "Can you carry me upstairs?", she asked, flung her arms around the woman's neck and held on tight. Her father had always done that, and although Callie pretended that she was getting too big for it, she knew how strong her aunt was from all the working out she did for her job. "I sleep the best when you tuck me in."

Getting up, the tall brunette put her hands under her niece's legs as the girl clung to her like a monkey. She was too short to wrap her legs around her waist and cross her ankles at the back, so she needed a little help to hold her. They managed the stairs like the walk upstairs was a piece of cake for the Latina and Malia opened the door with her left foot. Inside, Callie gently put her down on the bed and tucked her in. "Do you think you can sleep now?"

"Mhmm", Malia nodded, her eyes getting heavy and dropping close more often and longer with every time they did. Hugging her stuffed ice bear to her chest, she turned onto her side. "You'll pick me up tomorrow, right?", she asked partly into the pillow when her aunt pulled the comforter up to her shoulders so she wouldn't get cold in the middle of the night.

"Of course", Callie smiled. "Sleep tight, Malia. I love you. More than the sky has stars."

Already half asleep, the young brunette replied with a mumbled, "I love you too, tia Callie. To the moon and back."

* * *

She knew she shouldn't follow the brunette, knew that whatever would happen when she would get the chance to look into those perfect dark brown eyes with no one around them, she couldn't be held responsible for her own reactions. The feelings she still had for the other woman were immeasurable, she had missed Callie so much. And that meant that anything could happen. But still, the blonde followed Callie into the closet where she figured the Latina would hang up her dirty uniform jacket and put down the helmet. It was dirty from the fire she just had to run through and if her ex-lover's routine hadn't changed within the past two years, Callie would soon want to freshen up. Especially since this had been the first fire of the day, and there were most likely to be more operations. "Callie", she started, closing the door behind her and leaning against it, effectively blocking the way to run while she still had the chance. "Can we talk?" She wasn't sure what she wanted to talk about. But she needed to get something off of her chest, a pressure that felt like someone had put a huge bolder on her on top of it. "Please?"

Putting the respiratory protection mask down, the brunette turned around and was met by a pair of crystal blue eyes staring at her. God, Arizona looked so beautiful, despite the obviously red-rimmed eyes, the shadows under them and the slight – but to her, obvious – loss of weight, the blonde was absolutely stunning. Perfection. An angel from the heavens above. An angel Callie could honestly need and she found herself wanting to reach out, but she stopped herself. She couldn't do that to herself or the other woman. "What… what did you want to talk about?", she asked nervously, already looking for a way out of this room. Withstanding her ex-fiancée's gaze was nearly impossible and she knew that if she caved, if she gave in, she wouldn't be able to stop herself.

"Everything?", Arizona asked insecure, fidgeting and kneading her own fingers. "And nothing at all at the same time. I just, I don't know, Calliope… Callie." She paused after correcting herself, the unintentional slip of her ex-lovers first name causing her heart to clench in her chest. Was she still allowed to call her that? Why was everything just so complicated? Why couldn't they just go back to what they were? Seeing the Latina again had swirled up a ton of emotions she had desperately tried to shove into a box and put safety locks around it before pushing that box into the back of her mind, covering it with a cloak that made it invisible. If only it had been that easy. It hadn't worked. Everything she had and still felt for the Latina had always been there, lurking somewhere inside her, waiting for the chance to rise again. And all she really wanted to do now was hug the Latina, kiss her until they were out of breath, make her knees go week with just one bat of her eyelashes. "I don't know how to _be_ around you, how to act", she confessed.

Watching the blonde's shoulders slump down a noticeable bit, all Callie wanted to do was hug her, comfort her and tell her that everything was going to be alright. No matter what had happened in the past and why they broke up, she always felt that way about Arizona. That didn't mean she had an answer, though. Because she had no clue how to _be_ around her either or how the other woman expected her to behave. And even if she knew that, she wasn't sure she could give her ex-lover what she wanted. "I don't know either", the Latina admitted and chewed on the inside of her bottom lip, suppressing the overwhelming desire to pull Arizona into a hug, knowing that she wouldn't be able to let her go again.

Having the same thought but apparently not the same inner strength as the brunette, a pale hand moved towards the other woman without actual intent. It just happened. She was simply drawn to Callie. Like a nail towards a magnet. Whispering the Latina's name as her fingertips touched the mesmerizing caramel colored skin, she swallowed hard as the familiar spark of love and the feeling of being home surged through her whole body. How was she supposed to act like all of this never happened? "Look at me, please." After unpacking boxes almost all day yesterday, she had laid her words all out in her head, had prepared an immaculate speech that would knock the brunette out of her shoes and then she had planned to ask her out for dinner to reconnect. But her voice died in her throat and all her preparations flew out of the window when she looked into the brunette's deep brown orbs.

Rooted to the spot, Callie was torn between relishing in the well-known feeling of the blonde's delicate fingers against her skin and the sudden urge to run. Run from all of this, away from Arizona, away from her own feelings. But she didn't move, didn't flinch, didn't even take a breath when she noticed her ex-lover closed her eyes and leaned in. Before she knew it, pink lips were pressed against hers, causing her eyelids to flutter until she didn't fight it anymore and kept them shut. Her world stopped spinning as everything around her faded away. The wheels in her head came to an abrupt halt when she allowed herself to let go and the wall she had built up around her heart came tumbling down. Right this moment, there was only Arizona, she and the other woman were the only thing that existed in time and space. And the Latina felt herself relax at the chaste contact.

Not knowing how far she could take this, Arizona kept the kiss innocent for a while. It was only lips against lips, fused together as if parting would kill her. One hand sneaked around the curve of the Latina's gorgeous hip and rested on her lower back, bringing them closer together as he blonde pushed herself into the woman's body. She had missed this so much. And they had wasted two years of their lives trying to be apart, when it was so obviously clear that being together was all they ever really needed to be. Feeling Callie's hands on her hipbones, the blonde became bolder and opened her mouth, tracing the seam full lips created with her tongue to ask for access. A moan dared to escape her throat when it was granted and even though they hadn't kissed like this since the night they broke up, it was as if these last months had never happened. It was everything she remembered it to be.

Letting herself enjoy the warmth that spread through every fiber of her being, Callie gripped the flesh in her hands a little tighter, tight enough to leave crescent shaped marks through the paramedic's top but she couldn't bring herself to care. Kissing Arizona like this, holding her close like this and expressing their feelings, it was all that mattered right now. After all these months, their hearts were still able to dance to the same rhythm. None of her drunken hook-ups had kissed her like that. No other woman had had the power to make her forget everything with just one kiss. There had truly never been anyone who had managed to make her feel like Arizona did. She had tried to forget the woman who held her heart, but had failed and after waking up with a remotely strange woman next to her, she had missed the blonde even more. God, she had messed this up so much more with her stupid coping mechanism. Maybe Arizona could be able to come around and love the new life she had, but she would never be able to forgive Callie for drowning her sorrow in meaningless sex and alcohol. Fuck, she needed to stop this. "I... I can't", she whispered, breathless from the fire that raged through her, from the passion they had shared.

Arms that had been holding her close were pushing her away before the Latina had said a single word and Arizona immediately understood that Callie had woken up from the spell she had been under. Blue eyes snapped open, prepared to see rage or anger flash over the firefighter's face. But what she saw instead was a set of watery brown pools, sadness and confusion whirling in them as the brunette stepped away from her. Callie was about to run, again. "Calliope... don't... please." Her voice broke as she choked on her words, begging the other woman not to run away this time. They should talk about this. There was so much going on inside her and she didn't even know a fraction of what was happening inside the Latina's emotional jumble. But she wanted to understand everything, wanted to get to know Callie's past two years. "Please, don't run." Tears dropped from her ex-lover's eyes and when Arizona reached out to wipe them away, the brunette turned around and left within a split second after mumbling a rushed 'I'm sorry'. Feeling her own dam break, she let her tears streak her reddened cheeks as she stood there crying, struggling to hold herself together. The happiness she had felt just a moment ago had slipped through her fingers, just like that, it was gone again.

* * *

AN2: The love is still there, right? And it's almost palbable. I mean, they kissed, didn't they? I promise they will talk eventually. Callie just doesn't know how to, it seems. But it's their road. Trust the journey? What do you guys think?


	6. Chapter 6

AN: I honestly love every single review to this story. I love how some of you want to hit Callie with something and others feel like Arizona should just walk away. I guess once you find that one love, it's hard to let it go. I promise the talk will happen soon, it's almost around the corner. So just hang on a little longer? Remember, it's a journey.

* * *

Running out of the supply room and past a few of her fellow firefighters, Callie bumped into Mark before she finally found a place that wasn't crowded. She needed space. Space to think about what had happened only a mere minute ago and time to sort out her baggage, and people watching her didn't help. The second Arizona had pressed her lips against hers, so softly that every little spark of love she still felt for the blonde erupted into a million of colorful fireworks, the brunette remembered what it was like to be home. It was so close to how they used to be, how she wanted them to always be. And God, had she wanted to keep kissing the blonde. Tender enough to reassure her that the love was still there and fierce enough for Arizona to never stop kissing her, to never doubt her feelings. But then reality had caught up with her and everything she had done since her ex-lover had left had drowned her in regrets and shame. What had she done?

"Torres!" Mark's booming voice stopped the Latina who had started to walk back and forth in the locker room, hands trembling and legs visibly shaking. "Where's the fire?", he tried to joke, knowing his best friend well enough to see the hurt in her eyes. She was a master at keeping a tough front up for the guys, but he could see right through it and wished he could take the pain away from her. "Cal?"

"She... I... we... and then... Arizona...", Callie disjointedly spoke and shook her head, water already brimming and about to roll down her cheeks. "Mark." Her willpower broke when he put his arms around her and let her cry, tears spotting his shirt as she pressed her face against his hard-muscled chest. If it wasn't for her best friend's arms, she knew she would have fallen apart. "She kissed me, Mark. She kissed me, just like that. And she fixed everything that is broken with that one kiss." For a few seconds, the brunette had experienced an immeasurable amount of happiness, a huge load of butterflies stirring inside her, a feeling she had greatly missed. "For a moment, I felt complete again."

"But that's a good thing, Callie," he insisted. "She still loves you, you still love her. All you have to do is get your girl and-"

"No!", she objected and pushed herself away from him. Taking a couple of deep breaths, she looked her best friend in the eyes and said, "I can't do that to her, Mark. I am a mess. My life is a mess. I'm not good enough for her, not anymore." She had ruined whatever little chance she had when sleeping with countless of women in the short span of four months. "She doesn't deserve this", she concluded and motioned down her own body, teardrops once against staining tan cheeks.

"Shouldn't that be her decision to make?", the man argued, hating to see the brunette so broken. Right after the break-up, he had seen Callie at her lowest, not caring enough anymore to get herself out of this hole she had fallen into. Then Arias and Elena had died and within a day or two at the very least, the Latina was forced to sober up, literally and figuratively speaking. In his eyes, Malia was the best thing that could have happened to his best friend – it was a new reason for her to get up in the morning, go home after a work instead of getting wasted at a bar and to finally put her life back together as best as possible. She still wasn't happy. But with Arizona being back in the picture, he had good hope that Callie would actually find that constant smile again. "Have you tried talking to her? Maybe she had... a similar coping mechanism?"

Shaking her head, the Latina closed her eyes just at the sheer thought of Arizona sleeping with somebody else. The image made her cringe and actually gag. And if she would tell the blonde what she had done, she was sure Arizona's reaction would be just the same. This weren't ex-lovers from her past she was talking about. It were women she didn't remember the names of and hollow sexual encounters that didn't mean anything to her. "I have ruined everything, Mark. Even if she could accept the life I have now, with Malia and the responsibilities, she could never forgive me for doing what I did. I gave my body away to those women because I wanted to feel something. And in the end, I still felt nothing." Nothing but a shattered heart, many pieces missing since the night she set them both free.

"Well", he started and gave his friend a lopsided smile, "it could be worse. You could be pregnant or married. Or both. I think you should just talk to her. Ask her where she stands in all of this, tell her about Malia and then tell her what happened." He didn't know Robbins that well, but well enough to know that she wouldn't send Callie on her way because she was Malia's legal guardian. "Right now, she seems insistent on fighting for you and what you had. If she still wants that after you two talked, good. If not, you know what you're dealing with.

"Shut up", the brunette laughed bitterly and shoved the man away from her. Straightening her back and squaring her shoulders, pretending to be okay again, she added with a deep sigh, "I won't talk to her. I can't do that to us, Mark. I need to focus on Malia and I can't promise I won't spiral down again after her rejection. Thank you for listening, though. You're a really good friend." As she walked past him, she patted his shoulder and forced herself to smile when she left for the kitchen. But her faked happiness immediately vanished when the woman in question leaned over the counter and she could see the blonde's behind. It was still very much in perfect shape. Round yet firm. Callie had always had a thing for Arizona's ass and she really wished she could sneak up behind her ex-fiancée and touch that fine butt.

Clearing her foggy mind, she stepped around made her way to the fridge, looking for something quick to wrap up for the crew but the fridge didn't exactly give her a lot of options. "We need more vegetables", she called out, hoping that someone would write it down or at least notice it. "And we're running out of salt. Whoever goes to the grocery store better buys some spices." Yep, she was purposefully avoiding the piercing blue eyes she felt staring a hole into the back of her head. Avoiding eye-contact with the blonde until it was inevitably. And when she turned around, dull, sad pools of blue were engulfing her, letting a wave of emotions crash down upon her. As if something had kicked the air right out of her lungs, she gasped for it, struggled to keep breathing under the intense glare. "Are... are you hungry?", she asked when she found her voice again.

The unhappiness turned into disappointment and anger when Arizona slammed the coffee cup down onto the counter, giving the Latina a harsh, "No", before she left the area. She couldn't understand how Callie had been kissing her one second and the next she'd had the urge to run away again. Wasn't she done running? The blonde was definitely done running away from her feelings, from her love for the fiery, hot woman. She could still remember the touch of her ex-lover's lips on the cusp of hers, the sensuality in the contact, the love. After that kiss, Arizona was sure that the brunette still loved her, so she couldn't fathom why she was still running way. "This is so frustrating", she cursed, kicking the wheel of the ambulance.

"What did the car do to make you mad?", April asked when she stuck her head out of the back door of the vehicle. "I uhm... I'm actually making sure everything is stocked up as it should be according to this list, but if you want to be alone, I can just... go?", she offered.

"Stay", the blonde said and sighed, being alone in a firehouse that was filled with firefighters and paramedics wasn't happening anyway, so she could as well help the redhead. To be honest, any kind of distraction was actually very much welcomed at the moment. "Where did you stop?"

"Gauze", April replied when the blonde climbed into the car and she handed her the second page of the checklist. For a few minutes they were working together in silence and out of the corner of her eye, the red-haired woman watched the paramedic in charge recounting the same staple of OB kits for the third time. "Do you want to talk about what's bothering you?", she offered, not taking her eyes away from the gauze in her hand. But Arizona didn't seem to be willing to talk, so she shrugged her shoulders, "I guess not then. That's okay. We don't have to talk at all, we can just continue to work without saying a wo-"

"It's infuriating!", Arizona snapped. "I am so infatuated by her and every time I think I am actually getting two steps closer to her, she pushes me back again, and then it's a distance of at least five feet between her and me", the blonde began her rant. "Is it unfair? Yes. Do I still freaking love her, hell, yes. To stop loving her is just _impossible_! I have tried that, I swear. I had two years and nothing has changed. When I think about her, all the love is still there. If it didn't go away in the last two years when I didn't see her, it sure won't go away now that I came back _for her._ Does she know? I don't know. But I kissed her and she kissed me back and then she ran away again." Putting the kits down, she faced the redhead, her eyes stormy with suppressed rage and determination. "And she's not really talking to me either. I feel like she's blaming me for leaving Seattle when she was the one to break up with me in the first place! But still I came back for her."

When April was certain that the other woman was done talking, she cautiously asked, "Are we talking about Torres?" Receiving a nod in response, she bit her lip. She had never seen Callie dating anyone, not even flirting on the few nights that she had seen her at the bar with the crew. Maybe April had left too early to witness any of that happening, but there certainly hadn't been any dating since she transferred to this station. Frankly, that the brunette had been involved with the new paramedic before was actually kind of big news. Because she had observed the brunette and on most days, it seemed like something was weighing her down. "I don't know what happened, but whatever it is, I hope you two can figure it out."

Nodding again, Arizona went back to counting the kits and eventually she put a number into the empty spot of the checklist before going on to the next point on it, the poison antidote kits. As long as she would keep her mind busy and nobody would ask her about what happened, she wouldn't think about it until her shift was over. She knew that. And when her fellow paramedic had asked, she had simply snapped. Now she felt sorry for it and she would apologize when she could talk without breaking into tears or choking on her words. The poor woman didn't do anything wrong.

BWY

Over ten hours later – it was already dark outside - Arizona was scrubbing out the EMT after a patient with two gunshot wounds to his torso had bled out in the back of the truck. It was definitely the downside of her job when she wasn't able to help people, and the only thing that kept her going was the certainty that she had done everything she could. It hadn't worked and the teenage boy had died not even two minutes away from the hospital. The two bullets had caused severe damage to his stomach and one had pierced his lung, it would have been a miracle if he would have made it. And she knew that. "Stupid gang wars", she cursed as she mopped the blood away. He had been their first patient that had died that day, ruining the score halfway through her shift.

"Do you need any help?", came Callie's voice, startling the blonde enough for her to almost slip on the wet floor of the vehicle. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to- I just, April is passed out in the lounge and I thought that-" Biting her tongue before she could say some more, the Latina shifted from one feet to the other, unsure why she even went into the garage to check on her ex-lover. She knew why, she wanted to see the woman who made her heart beat faster with just one look, who had aroused all the pent-up emotions inside her. Even though she had sworn to herself she wouldn't make this harder for the both of them, she couldn't stay away from the blonde, obviously. "Do you need any help?", she asked again.

"No", Arizona replied and turned her back to the brunette, still completely bewildered by the other woman's confusing behavior. She had told the redhead to get some rest and decided to hang out in the ambulance to avoid the gorgeous Latina. The truck was almost cleaned up anyway, so she really didn't need help. She would prefer answers instead. Answers only Callie could give her. So, until the brunette was actually ready and willing to talk, she would take a few steps away from her ex-fiancée. At least, that is what she promised herself to do. But she could feel it with every fiber of her being as expressive brown eyes stared intensely at her. "What do you want, Callie? I don't think you came here for some small-talk. And I am almost done here, so unless you want to actually talk about, oh, I don't know, us... maybe, you can just go away."

For a moment, the brunette truly contemplated the paramedic's words. What did she want? The answer was easy. Arizona. Although the blonde was mad at her – which she had probably every right to be – she just wanted to kiss the love of her life again and tell her that everything was going to be okay. Yet, she didn't, out of respect and to be honest, she was afraid. She didn't know what was worse, seeing the sadness in those cerulean blue eyes or the anger. But whatever it was, both emotions meant that Arizona cared like crazy. And that, as good as it sounded, scared her. Because she still cared like crazy, too, and she couldn't let it happen. "Well, I'm just going to go then", she finally decided, remembering the conversation she had had with Mark earlier that day. Pulling the other woman into the chaos that was her life wasn't fair.

"You think it is that easy, don't you?", Arizona asked the firefighter, rage filling her system as she put the mop down, throwing the plan to give Callie some space out of the window. "You don't get to waltz in here after we kissed and I felt those butterflies fluttering inside me before you chose to run away, Calliope." Even though her tone was bitter, the full name of her ex-lover didn't sound as harsh. "You cannot do that to me." Because her heart – as crushed as it was – still thumped hard for the Latina. "You need to decide what you want. You can't kiss me one second and the next go back to ignoring me."

"I want-"

"I'm not done talking!", the blonde cut her off. "It hurts! It hurts in here", she said and put her right hand over her fast beating heart and the left against her own temple. "And in here. It hurts to _think_ about you, to _see_ you. I came back for you because leaving Seattle before even trying to fight for us was the biggest mistake I've ever made. But now you're hurting me." For the second time that day, she felt tears welling up and she didn't want the Latina to see her cry so she pushed through it. "I love you, damn it, Calliope. And whatever it is, I am sure we can work through this if you still love me, too. But you need to figure this out and make up your mind. You just need to fucking talk to me." After her outburst, she studied the brunette, trying to read her. There had been so much love in their kiss, so much passion and desperation. The strong bond they had always had was still there, she had felt it. And now she could see the pain behind those deep chocolate brown eyes, instantly wanting to make it all better.

Was it really that easy? Could love be enough to work it out this time? No, Callie thought. Not as long as the blonde didn't know the truth. About Malia, about her brother and the nights she had drunk her weight in liquor. But she also couldn't tell her about those women, knowing that Arizona would find her disgusting and the Latina was positive she couldn't handle being rejected after telling the truth. "I... I can't, Arizona. I'm sorry", she apologized, tears in her eyes as she walked away from the other woman. When she was sure the blonde was out of earshot, she whispered, "But I will always love you", and swallowed the lump that had begun to form in her throat. She entered the relaxation room and made her way to the small area where her personal belongings were, opened the drawer and picked up the framed picture she had in there. It showed her, Malia and Arizona on the day the former couple had taken – back then, the five years old – Latina to the local park's playground.

 _** Flashback, 4 and a half years ago **_

" _Higher, Arizona, higher! Let me fly!", the girl squealed as the blonde pushed her on the swing and the taller brunette was recording a video with a handy-cam. "Push me so high that I can fly up to the sky and sleep on a cloud!"_

" _That's not possible, honey", the older Latina laughed behind the camera, an infectious smile on her face as she watched her girlfriend interact with her niece, Arizona's facial expression showing as much fun as the girl's. Add those deep popping dimples to it, the blonde was the most beautiful woman walking the face of the earth – in her eyes. "And what would your parents say? How would we explain to them what happened to you?"_

" _But I wanna fly, tia Callie!" There was more laughter, more happiness and demands to be pushed higher and higher. Not once did Arizona stop or complain about her arms becoming tired._

 _Callie walked up to the two and slowed the swing to an eventual complete stop, wanting to freeze this moment in time to always be able to remember it. Stepping behind the swing, she and her girlfriend crouched down to be at the same height as Malia who was still sitting on the swing. "Say cheese", she said, directed the camera at them and smiled brightly as the flash went off and Malia giggled at the disharmonious 'Cheese'._

" _Take another", Arizona breathed into Callie's ear and pressed a kiss to her girlfriend's cheeks just in time. "I love you", she whispered, grinning when she noticed the blush creep into the other woman's cheek before grabbing the lapels of the Latina's leather jacket and pulling her in for a kiss that showed her affection. Pulling back, both sets of eyes fluttered open and all Arizona could see in those deep dark orbs was love and adoration._

" _I love you, too."_

 _** End of flashback **_

"I will always love you, Arizona", the brunette repeated her own words and let the tears fall, wanting to go back in time to when they were happy. Wanting to knock some sense into the Callie from two years ago to never let her soulmate go. She had been so stupid when she had let the blonde walk out of her life. She hadn't wanted kids, yes. But was it really that bad to have a family of her own with the woman she loved more than life itself? The thought had frightened her. Now she wished she had pushed herself more into wanting kids than pushing the best thing ever happening to her away. "Forever."

Forever

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So? What do you think?


	7. Chapter 7

AN: Hey guys, a new update. Grey's story line is killing all of us, so I hope I can help out with this. A little. I also hope you enjoy this!

* * *

"Yo, Robbins, wait up!", Mark Sloan called out as the blonde passed him on her way to the kitchen. He pulled a fresh sweater on and stepped up to the woman who had stopped in her tracks. "Walk with me for a bit?", he offered and held out his arm for her to link hers right through it – even though in the past, she never used to do that with him. They had been friends, naturally, since he and Callie were best friends. But the blonde never used to joke around with the man like the Latina.

Blue eyes squinted and skeptically looked at the Lieutenant. "Did something happen? Am I in trouble?" She couldn't recall a big mistake or something out of the ordinary happening during her shifts. In fact, getting acquainted with the new firehouse and its fighters, as well as getting settled back in Seattle had been an easy ride so far – if she chose to ignore everything that happened between her and Callie. "Did someone complain about my work?"

Showing her a bright smile, he told her, "Don't worry. You're an outstanding paramedic. Kepner really likes working with you and the lads seem to get along with you just as well." That wasn't always a given when someone new came to the firehouse. "But that's not what I wanted to talk about with you." He opened the door to the back and let her walk outside first before following her. It was a cold night, but the sky was clear and littered with stars.

"Lieutenant, I think you got the wrong woman", Arizona japed when she caught him staring at the stars. It was an amazing view. "A date under the stars is quite romantic, but you're not really my type." They all had a couple of hours to kill until their shift would be over. And as usual, she had gotten hungry in the middle of the night, needing a snack that would keep her brain and body functioning until she could take a shower and head home afterwards. Most firefighters and paramedics often took naps during the nights to refuel their energy. But pretty early in her career as a paramedic, the blonde had discovered that even dozing off would leave her more tired than awake, so she always powered through the nights.

"Funny", Mark grimaced and sat down on the bench right next to the exterior wall of the station, patting the empty spot next to him until she rolled her eyes and sat down. "Do you still love her?", he asked after sitting in silence for a few minutes. After observing how the blonde acted around his best friend, he was sure to know the answer, but he just needed to ask.

Letting out a sigh, Arizona pulled her knees to her chest, with her shoes on the edge of the bench, and put her chin on top of her folded arms. "Of course I do", she admitted. "Why do you think I keep trying to get her to talk to me? It's not my favorite pastime to watch her walk away from me every time I think I made a step in the right direction with her. You know her. She's just so damn stubborn and I don't even know what kind of issues she has with me." Callie might be hurt, but she was hurting too. She looked at the man and exhaled again. "Do you know?"

But instead of answering the paramedic's question, Mark said, "I know it doesn't look that way, but Callie still loves you, too. After you left, she fell completely apart. I have never seen her like this and I never want to witness her spiraling down again. She was a shell of the woman she used to be and a regular guest at the local bars when she didn't have to work. Then things changed. She had to deal with a lot of life-alternating crap and I still have no clue how she succeeded to come out on the other side of it still standing on her feet. I'm pretty sure a lot of people wouldn't manage life and a career like hers like she does, but she pulls through because she has to. After...", he started but stopped himself. It wasn't his story to tell. "Look, I'm not the right person to tell you what happened, I'm just saying that, if you are willing to deal with it, with her and her life, if you're sure that you can handle the life she has now, don't give up on her. She gave up on what you two had and it crushed her. She won't be able to bounce back from that a second time." Back then, he had told the brunette countless times that she was making a stupid mistake, but she hadn't listened. And after Arizona had left, he had tried to pick up the pieces and put her back together. He let her cry when she couldn't hold back the tears anymore and he let her yell and scream when she needed to. But in the end, Mark knew that only the blonde could tape her heart back together and make his best friend whole again.

Arizona had listened and tried to understand every word her Lieutenant had said, but some were just so cryptic and didn't make any sense to her. Callie was such a strong woman and it took a lot to bring her to her knees. She couldn't even begin to try to think about what had happened to her ex-fiancée. "Mark, what happened?", she wondered, fearing the worst.

"Ask her. Keep asking her until she's willing to give you an answer." He put his arm around the woman's shoulders, squeezing it with his hand. "I am sure that you can get back what you two had before you broke up. I know that she has never stopped thinking about you, not for a single day, not even when her world broke apart right under her feet. She once told me, that you are the air she needs to breathe. People can't live without air, Robbins. Ever since you left, she hasn't been living life to its fullest because she can't breathe. She needs you. So trust me, if you are still in, fighting for her will be worth it." That were his last words before he got up and left Arizona alone. Mark had said his bits and he might had overstepped a line, but he did it for his best friend. He just hoped the blonde would still be all in and go for the woman she still loved and cared for.

After fifteen minutes, Arizona went back inside and grabbed two cereal bars from the kitchen before flopping down on the couch in the so called 'chill out zone'. Whoever named it that was probably out of his mind – or too young to understand the seriousness of their business – but a couch and a TV in a firehouse should never be called 'chill out zone'. Zapping through the TV channels without paying attention at all and eventually settling for a documentary of the African wildlife, Arizona thought about Mark's words. What had he meant? Life-altering things? What could that mean?

"You're awake?", the sound of April's baffled voice ripped her out of her thoughts when the redhead showed up next to the arm of the couch, pulling her hair back into a ponytail after the nap she just took. "Did you not hear the siren? We gotta go. Fifty-three old man fell down the stairs, maybe a heart-attack or a stroke." Eyeing the blonde, the paramedic zipped up her jacket. "Are you coming?"

Within a split second, Arizona was on her feet and followed her fellow paramedic. How had she zoned out so much that she didn't realize the alarm going off? Shaking her head to clear it, the blonde climbed into the EMT and stared ahead, her eyes glued to the hundreds of lights on the streets, cars, lamps, some windows. It was the middle of the night, but a city as big as Seattle was never completely asleep.

"Are you alright?", April asked when she had to slow down when the rain hit the windshield.

"No", Arizona answered honestly, and then asked, "Can we leave it at that?" She really needed to get Callie out of her head, if only for a little while, to be able to pull herself together. When the redhead nodded, she refocused her eyes on the road and willed herself to concentrate on anything but her beautiful ex-lover.

* * *

Closing the door of her locker, Callie stretched her neck and moved her shoulders around to loosen the tensed muscles. It had been a rough night. The roughest in weeks and she was running on only a few hours of sleep she had the night before. But tonight, Seattle's fire-starters had been on a run and the firefighters had chased them – figuratively speaking. At the end of the shift, three houses were totally burned out and one victim had died before they could get to the man. It wasn't a bad result at all, but it wasn't perfect either and all the Latina wanted was a hot shower to get rid of the dirt covering her face, and she would pick up her niece before she would have the chance to get some rest. "Bye guys", she said as Henry Burton and Ben Warren walked past her, patting her one the shoulders for her good work. After securing the towel over her chest – it was large enough to reach almost to her knees – the Latina made her way into the unisex bathroom, heading for the last shower cubicle.

As a woman with a job dominated by men, she had learned really quickly to shower when her fellow firefighters were done or take one at home. At firehouse 63 she and Arizona had always showered at their apartment. At 22, everybody showed enough respect to not stare. She still changed as quickly as possible and always wrapped herself up before heading to the cubicles so she wouldn't have to change there. When she pulled the shower curtain to the side and stepped inside, she closed the curtain and flung the towel over the wall to her right that stopped three feet below the ceiling. Turning around to activate the water, she gasped when the first sprays of water hit her body. It had been completely silent in the whole room and Callie thought she was alone, but the cubicle was already occupied. By no other than her ex-fiancée.

Pale naked skin was overall covered with goosebumps as the blonde stared at her, shocked to see Callie so close. So close and naked. With her face dirty from the smoke, full lips shone in a ruby red and Arizona wished she could just lean in and kiss the other woman. The brunette wasn't fast enough to cover her chest with one arm and her most intimate part with the other and Arizona had caught a glimpse of the body that was so familiar to her. And yet, it was so unfamiliar after losing a couple of pounds. She didn't know why Callie had lost weight, but she knew that her ex-lover still looked as hot as ever. Those magnificent curves were still breathtaking and the water running down the tanned skin was hypnotizing. As if she was under a spell, her hand moved forward, touching Callie's arm.

The brief contact caused something to snap inside both women. Both moved at the very same second. The Latina rapidly forced Arizona against the wall, slamming her own body into the blonde's as they started kissing fiercely. Hands tangled in wet locks, lips moved in sync as two hearts decided to follow their calling. Teeth nipped at bruised flesh as fingernails dug into skin. It felt like everything it had always done. Like a firework, like everything Callie had always dreamed of when thinking about the blonde.

With the cold tiles against her back and the hot water running down between them, Arizona lost every sense of time and responsibility, the pounding of her heart drowning out the voice of reason, even as loud as it tried to warn her. She tore her mouth away from Callie's to take a few deep breaths, her eyes landing on the brunette's rising chest. Licking her lips, the blonde blatantly stared at the perfect mounds, round and full, just like she remembered. Hard nipples strained forward, begging to be touched and she couldn't help but graze them with both palms, eliciting a moan from the brunette.

Closing her eyes for a moment, the Latina reveled in the feeling of having the blonde touch her breasts again. No other woman touched her like Arizona did. No other woman's body fit like the piece of a puzzle with hers. They were two pieces, made for each other. "Fuck", she grit out when her ex-lover's hands squeezed her breasts a little too roughly and crashed their mouths back together, fervently ravishing the other set of lips with hers and pressing her right knee between pale legs.

Arizona gripped the other woman's upper arms with both hands, leaving crescent shaped indents as she held on to the brunette's like her life depended on it. To the blonde, it felt like it did. She felt more alive in the last five minutes than she had in the past two years. Surely this was rougher and harder than she had imagined their second first time would be, it was anything but how it used to be when they were intimate with each other, she wouldn't want it any other way.

When air once again became a necessity, Callie moved on to the blonde's neck and bit down, causing the women she had trapped between herself and the tiled wall to whimper. Tasting the blood she had drawn, she licked the sore sport before growling and sucking harder on the skin. Her name fell from Arizona's lips in a moan, in a groan and then in a plea. And the Latina knew right then and there, she would never grow tired of hearing that voice.

Feeling the brunette's hand move between her legs, she was shocked to feel two fingers enter her roughly, but after a second, she moved her hips to the rhythm Callie created with her thrusts. A rhythm that build up fast. Soon she was panting in the steamy cubicle, feeling fingertips bringing her closer and closer to her release as her back collided with the wall behind her with every push.

"You like that?", Callie asked against the other base of her ex's neck, right where it met her shoulder. Nipping at the skin over the prominent bone, she simultaneously rolled a pert pink nipple between her thumb and forefinger with the hand that wasn't buried inside Arizona's sex. The sounds coming from her ex-fiancée were almost carnal, high pitched at times when the blonde forgot to stay quiet, and the Latina loved every little bit of it. She felt the blonde's inner walls clamping down on her fingers and Arizona began to shudder as a forceful climax surged through her entire body.

It was a never ending wave of pleasure that swallowed her. Sex with the brunette had always been out of this world amazing – yet, what had just happened topped everything they had ever shared. Her whole being was still convulsing with aftershocks of the pleasurable explosion and her head began to spin from the intensity of it all. She couldn't believe she had climaxed so soon. Sure, she hadn't had sex for the past two years and a lot of pent-up frustration to top it all off, but that was _really fast._ Her emotions spiraled out of control and Arizona knew she needed to do something or she would break down and cry. And she couldn't allow herself to do that. Not now. She needed to soak up everything the Latina was giving her. So she pushed the other woman away from her, pressed her against the opposite wall and shoved her hand right between toned, tan legs.

"Ari-" But her ex-lover's name died in her throat as two digits entered her without warning and started pumping at a quick pace right from the start. Her head fell back against the wall as her body rocked, completely taken over by the blonde's powerful thrusts. And Callie could do nothing but hold on to the other woman's body as it shook and writhed. "Fuck", she breathed out as perfectly bruised lips sucked on the stiff bud of her left breast and fingers squeezed her buttock, pulling her even closer.

Blue eyes glanced upwards, seeing the brunette's white teeth sinking into her full bottom lip and she groaned at the sight. Arizona had seen this expression many times before. Callie was close and all the blonde wanted to do was take the woman she so desperately wanted back over the edge. "So hot", she stated and a second later, she sucked even harder on the erect nipple as her tongue swirled around it, playing with it to give her ex-lover all she could give.

Unable to contain the moans any longer, the Latina let them spill out, not caring if anybody would hear her. It was unlike anything she had ever felt before, even with Arizona. And even though some of her big mistakes from the past two years had been quick and rough encounters, no other woman had made her feel even remotely close to what she felt now. Tremors went through her body, every muscle spasmed, every nerve ending was on fire as she fell headfirst into a sea of orgasmic bliss.

Spent and breathless, both women tried to catch up with reality. Arizona had her eyes closed, holding the other woman – who tried to stand on shaky legs – up so Callie wouldn't slip and take her down with her. Her heart pounded rapidly in her chest, so loud that she feared its beating could be heard by the Latina, who suddenly moved, turning away from the blonde. "Calliope-"

Callie stopped as she heard Arizona's broken voice. Inside, she felt like someone was tearing her apart. Her head told her to stay, to console the blonde, if nothing else. Her heart screamed at her to listen to it, to talk to the other woman and see how things would go. But she was so scared Arizona would think less of her that she chose to stay quiet and let the other woman think she had moved on – or whatever she thought happened. "Arizona", she said, her own voice barely above a whisper as she stared at the shower curtain, her hand in position to pull it to the side and run again.

Seeing this, rage flared up inside the blonde, and when Callie moved even an inch, she spoke up in a demanding, yet more calm and collected tone than the last times the brunette had walked away from her. "Calliope Torres." And it seemed to work. Suddenly, the Latina's hand let go of the fabric and slid down. No matter what was going on inside her ex-fiancée, Arizona had to take the chance and talk. Reaching out with her right hand, her fingertips brushed against the slick skin of the other woman's shoulder blade, a spot she used to kiss every morning they woke up naked in bed together. She relished in the contact and, wanting more, the blonde used her palm to touch more of the warm skin. "I don't know what happened to you when I was gone. But be assured, that, if you walk away right now, I don't ever want to find out. I can't keep chasing you, Calliope. So, it's your choice. I won't come after you if you walk away now. I'll let you go if you want that, but if you still love me, then you need to give me a chance to understand what happened." Marks words were still ringing in her ears. He had told her to keep asking until the brunette would talk to her, but she couldn't keep up with Callie, not like this. This one step forward, two steps back pattern would have her running backwards within the next three days.

Giving herself a few seconds to make up her mind – if she was honest though, she had made her decision earlier that day – she eventually turned around with tears in her eyes – tears Arizona had provoked with her gentle touch and words – the Latina swallowed hard. "I have to go", she said over the drizzling water and noticed the blonde's small smile fall. Turning off the faucet, she cupped Arizona's cheek with her hand. "Not like this, I promise you, this time I am not running away." Maybe she wouldn't have to be scared after all, right now she just hoped the other woman would believe her. "I have to go because I have to be somewhere in a bit. But if you really want to give me the chance to explain everything, we can talk later today." She had to pick up Malia first and then they could talk. Leaving her niece at Mer's place was always an option but she didn't want to take her friends' support for granted. She felt bad enough for having her stay at their place every other night.

Why was Callie talking in riddles with her? Why did she not tell her where she had to be? It couldn't be that bad, right? Arizona was confused and happy at the same time that Callie actually wanted to talk to her. "Okay", she breathed out. "Does eight sound okay?" There was hope in her voice and in her heart, more than she had felt since coming back to Seattle.

"Eight is good. Your place, or-"

"Yours", Arizona quickly interrupted the Latina. Her place was still a mess of boxes, some half unpacked and some pushed aside to get to her bedroom. And if everything would go wrong, she would be the one to run away this time. "I have to ask again. You're not running? Because if you just want to get out of this by making something up that doesn't exist, I'll be mad at you for a very long time. And if you're not at your place at eight tonight, I am officially done with you." Threatening Callie was probably not the finest move, but the blonde ultimately had enough of the other woman's cowardly behavior.

"I'll be there. I promise. But I really have to go now." She turned around and pulled down her towel, wrapping herself up again. She didn't feel that much cleaner than before taking the shower, but she felt lighter. The last thirty minutes had changed so much already. "I'll be there", she reassured, pressed a chaste kiss against a soft cheek and left. This time however, she wasn't running away.

* * *

Soooo... with all the tension between them, it had to happen. Right? And Callie didn't run. Yet. Will she run? Or will she finally be honest with Arizona?


	8. Chapter 8

AN: As promised in the last OUAD update, one more BWY update before I go on somewhat of a hiatus. I'll still be writing, just not necessarily enough to post every other week. But I won't abandon my stories, that's for sure.

* * *

** Flashback – two years ago **

„ _Arizona?" Callie called out as she walked through the front door of their apartment and closed it behind her, wanting to make better what she had broken last night. She didn't know how. Her view on the matter, her_ vision _about her future - and the family it didn't involve - hadn't magically changed overnight. But the blonde had looked so hopeless and hurt, so heartbroken, she just wanted to talk to her one more time, maybe she could make Arizona understand where she was coming from. A very small part inside her even hoped she could make it right again, and despite her own words from last night, she hoped they would find a way out if this miserable situation. Raising a child wasn't something every woman wanted. And even though she could see a lot of things she wanted with the woman she loved, a child had never been among the things she had envisioned._ „ _Arizona?", she asked again into the - unbeknownst to her - empty apartment. The other woman hadn't been at work, so Callie naturally mused she would be at their place. But nobody was answering her, and the Latina instantly panicked. Making a beeline for the bedroom, she found it empty, the doors of their joint closet wide open and half of the amount of clothes that should be in there, missing. She checked the drawers on Arizona's side, almost empty. „No", she breathed out, tears already spilling from her eyes as the realization hit her. Arizona had left. And it didn't look like she planned on coming back after a few nights. "That's not-" It wasn't what she had wanted. Even though the break up had been the only solution she could come up with to give both of them a chance at being utterly happy and have everything they wanted, the brunette had not wanted to_ lose _the blonde altogether. Callie wasn't ready for that_ – _she would never ever be ready to erase Arizona completely out of her life. She didn't want to let go of all the good memories they had made together. And she sure as hell didn't want her girlfriend_ – _her ex-girlfriend_ – _to feel the need that she had to flee the city._

 _Picking up her phone, she hit a very well known speed dial combination. Had she been in a better place, she would have punched the numbers into the screen without having to look at it, knowing the blonde's number by heart, but Callie was just so lost in this moment. 'Hey, I can't answer your call right now, but if you leave an awesome message, I might call you back'. As much as the Latina wanted to leave a message_ – _and as much as she wanted to smile at Arizona's ridiculously cute sound - she didn't know what to say. Her thoughts were racing twenty-thousand miles a minute and everything from 'Where are you' to 'I miss you' mixed together, so she just ended the call and tried calling Arizona's mother instead. Maybe her parents knew where the blonde was. But Barbara didn't pick up either and neither did Daniel. With Tim still being overseas, she was running out of options._

 _Her feet dragged her out of the bedroom and through the apartment as she called her brother. Arias kept trying to calm her down while she frantically searched for a note on the fridge – something the blonde always used to do – and everywhere else in the apartment. But when she couldn't find anything, she broke down crying, with her dear brother still on the phone. "Hermanita, calm down, she probably just needs some time. Give her some space, Callita, and she'll come back."_

 _Eventually, he had to go back to work and she flopped down on the bed, only now noticed the missing picture frame. All that was left was an empty spot on the nightstand on the blonde's side of the bed. That had to mean something, right? If Arizona had taken her favorite picture of them, that had to mean she would eventually come back, didn't it? In her head, the Latina kept replaying her brother's words. Arizona would just need some space, take her time to come to terms with the break up, and then she would be back. And then Callie would be able to see her favorite head of blonde curls again_ – _even if she wasn't allowed to touch her anymore, she could at least see her._

 _** End of flashback **_

But Arizona hadn't come back that day nor that week, not even that month. And when the year had ended without a word from the blonde, and Callie had already fallen deep into a hole she had no energy to crawl back up from, she just kept falling deeper and deeper. The Latina often thought back to the day that forced her to change. It was a horrible memory and her saving grace at the same time. She could still see her niece sitting on her new bed the first night, crying silently until Callie had rocked her to sleep. It was also the first night in a while where she didn't touch any alcohol even though she wasn't working the next day.

As the doorbell rang, the brunette composed herself as she made her way to the door and wiped away the tears she had shared over the memory. The image was burned into her system. She would never be able to forget how lonely it felt coming home to an empty apartment – even though she and Malia lived in a beautiful little house for more than a year now, that memory would always be present. Straightening up, Callie took one last deep breath before she opened the front door, finding a nervous looking Arizona jumping at the sudden movement. "Hey", she said, her voice soft and shaky. "I promised you I'd be here."

"I know", the blonde assured, even though her brain had given her various scenarios of Callie not being there, preparing herself to go crazy on the brunette whenever she would see her again outside of work. "I'm a little early..." That was an understatement. The blonde had been thirty minutes early but had waited in her car, pep-talking herself into getting out of the vehicle. She wanted answers, yes. But at the same time, she feared those answers.

"Do you... uhm... wanna come in?", the Latina asked, mentally face-palming herself for her stupid question. Why was she so nervous, all of a sudden? They weren't strangers, shared a past of a loving, committing, amazing relationship. Their communication skills had never lacked in the past. They had had sex earlier, amazing, hot, mind-blowing sex, for Christ's sake. But Callie was afraid it would all end after their next conversation. In the last few days, it had been her choice to hold the blonde at arm's length. Within the next hour, it would most likely be Arizona who would push her away.

Nodding, Arizona stepped over the threshold and walked past her ex-lover, inhaling the brunette's familiar perfume and noticing the intake of breath the other woman did – not knowing that the Latina reveled in the smell of the blonde's honey-scented shampoo. Still, the little reaction she got out of the woman she still loved, made her smile. "It looks like you found yourself a nice place, Calliope." Looking around, she noticed three pairs of smaller shoes, kind of girly shoes, and her brain immediately made the connection. "Is Malia staying with you this weekend?" Even though three pair seemed a lot for just one weekend. "We could have talked another time, I would have understand if you would've wanted to spend some time with your niece, you don't get that much time with her with your job", the blonde rambled, finally understanding why Callie had to leave earlier. "Is she here?"

If only Arizona knew how wrong she was. Shaking her head, Callie swallowed the lump in her throat and said, "No... she's uhm, she's with the Shepherds' tonight, having a sleepover with their daughter, Zola. I think you saw her when Meredith brought the girls over the other day?" Knowing that the blonde had seen Malia, she had probably seen Zola as well, but the Latina couldn't be sure. "Do you want something to drink?", she asked, changing the subject and trying to buy herself at least a couple of minutes before she would have to explain why exactly Malia's shoes were in her house.

"Some water would be nice", Arizona answered while shedding off her jacket. Frankly, she could need some booze. But she needed to keep her head clear, and she needed to drive back home. Her eyes roamed the small space some more so she wouldn't catch herself staring at the brunette's behind as the woman retreated. Even though it was a rather pleasurable view, she could not go there right now if she would still wanted to talk. Which was hard, especially after their very hot sexual encounter in the shower. But her mind was stronger than her body. At least that was what she kept repeating in her head. Not wanting to snoop around, the blonde stood rooted to the spot until Callie came back and she followed her into the living room.

"You can make yourself comfortable wherever you want", the Latina said and waved her hand through the living room area with the two couches and the love seat building a circle around the centered coffee table. When shopping furniture for the apartment, Callie originally didn't want to splurge – it just wasn't who she was – but then she thought about inviting the lads over to watch the Superbowl or the World Series, so she went a little overboard. "How are you? Getting settled in and stuff is going good?", she asked as she put a coaster under each glass of water, something she had never done in the past. Callie needed just a little bit of small talk to get used to the warm feeling of talking to Arizona again, to get used to being so close to home again. Home, in her eyes, had never been a house, it had always been Arizona.

Eyeing the brunette's every move, the blonde's eyebrow raised quizzically as Callie lifted her drink for the coaster – something they used to argue about on multiple occasions when they had lived together. It just made her realize that probably a lot of things – from minor to drastic, life altering, as Mark had put it – had changed. "It's going good. I still have a few boxes I need to unpack, but for the better part, I am moved in. And Firehouse 22 has been so welcoming, and April is a really good fellow paramedic, I feel like we have been working together for years", she replied with a smile and then gasping when Callie sat down close to her, her heart instantly skipping a beat or two. "So..."

"So", the Latina repeated, looking at her ex-fiancée and swallowing thickly. This was it. No way out, no step back, no more running. Arizona deserved to know. And she deserved to get it off her chest and find out the blonde's reaction, as much as it would hurt. "What do you want to know?", she asked, playing with the glass in her hands and averting her eyes because she suddenly couldn't stand those piercing blue eyes any longer.

"Everything, Calliope", Arizona answered immediately. "How you are doing, how you have been doing. What happened?" Mark's words were echoing in her head since last night. She had tried to come up with the real reason for Callie's odd behavior, playing through the wildest things imaginable, but in the end, she needed the truth to be able to understand the woman she once knew inside out.

"I honestly don't really know where to start. So much has happened, Arizona. After you left, when you didn't come back, everything fell apart and I did along with it." The brunette couldn't decide which part of the truth was the worst. Talking about Arias' death and how she became Malia's legal guardian was painful for her. But telling her ex-lover about all the women she had been with would hurt Arizona more. And maybe the blonde wouldn't be able to hear her out after that, so maybe starting with her niece would be the better choice. "Malia isn't here for the weekend", she started and blue eyes went wide, immediately glaring at her. Ugh, that wasn't the right thing to say, apparently. Callie could see the wheels turning in the other woman's head. "Six months after you left, Arias and Elena died in a horrible plane crash and I became Malia's legal guardian."

At that, the blonde looked even more horrified at the Latina. That was nothing she would have ever guessed. How could she? Nobody walked around, guessing someone died and naming someone else legal guardian. Yet, it all made sense now. Malia visiting her Tia Callie at the firehouse, Callie talking to Derek's wife when she would pick the girl up – but she only got a fraction of that conversation. Looking back, she might have been able to connect the aspects, had she known just a little bit more. "I didn't know-", she whispered, compassion in her voice as her own eyes glazed over with tears at the memory of Arias and Elena. They were a beautiful couple, loving parents. Arizona had – up until the break up – considered them a part of her family, and losing people dear to you hurt. "I'm so, _so_ sorry, Calliope." What hurt her the most was the brutal fact that she hadn't been there for the other woman during that time. She couldn't even try to understand how much adjustment Callie had had to go through. "How is Malia?"

"She's the sunshine on a rainy day, Arizona", the Latina replied with a slight smile. Talking about Malia always made her smile – the little girl made her smile and even laugh. "It took some time to get used to everything. Being responsible for a minor who on top of that deals with the grief of losing her parents wasn't easy. So many things needed to be thought through and gone over, but we managed. We still manage. With Mer's help and the whole station, I manage. Better than I ever thought I would." In all honesty, she still didn't see herself as a mother, but without her niece, her life would feel empty.

Arizona on the other hand had always known that the Latina would be an amazing mom. Seeing her with Malia had always made her heart flutter. It was one of the things that led to her wish of starting a family with the brunette. Albeit their stressful careers, despite all the danger Callie went through on a daily basis. She knew they would make amazing parents. "I knew you would, Calliope."

"But it was so hard, Arizona", Callie argued, standing up and walking around the couch to put a little distance between her and the blonde as she told her what a rough time they both had. "And it's not the whole truth. You said you wanted to know everything – and even though being Malia's legal guardian is already a pretty big change in my life, and I would understand if it is too much for you", she quickly added, still believing that her ex-fiancée didn't want a child that was closer to being a teenager than being a newborn. That was the whole reason why people wanted to become a parent, wasn't it? To experience all of it. "But there is more."

What more could there be? The blonde had no idea. But there was one thing she didn't have a single doubt about. "Why would I not want this, Calliope? I have always wanted a family with you. I still love you. My love for you has not changed nor faded within the past two years. If you fear about Malia losing another person, I can assure you, that if you let me back into your life, into both of your lives, I would not leave you. It was the biggest mistake, _ever_ , and I don't like repeating my mistakes." She tried to be as reassuring as she could and hoped Callie would simply believe her words. It was all she had to offer, for now. The other woman just had to give her the opportunity to prove how sincere she was.

"Don't say that yet", the Latina held against that, preparing herself to drop an even bigger bomb on the blonde. Starting to walk back and forth for a minute or two, she suddenly stopped in front of Arizona. "I know you left because of me. I am not delusional, I know I was the reason you didn't come back. But it hurt so much, Arizona. With every day that you were gone, I was losing more and more hope that I would see you again or that I could hold you in my arms just one more time. I couldn't get a hold of you, and your mom, as nice and polite as she was, wouldn't tell me how you were doing either. Why didn't you come back? You left me to deal with everything that was in our apartment." And only she and God knew how much she had cried while packing up their memories.

"I couldn't." Looking up, she saw the tears spilling from brown eyes and she wanted to do nothing more than to stand up and hug the Latina. But she knew they weren't done yet. Choking back her own tears, she let out some air and brushed her fingers through her hair. "I thought I would. The night I left, I thought I would come back to have at least one more talk with you", she explained, her voice breaking. "But every day that I survived without you, the very thought about coming back hurt more and more and in the end, the image alone was unbearable, so I decided to be a coward until a few weeks ago. I had already started at a firehouse close to my parents' home so I could eventually get my own place. I guess, after leaving Seattle, I took the easy way out." Admittedly, avoiding Callie and ignoring her feelings had been difficult. That was why she had ended up here again after being gone for two years.

"And I fell apart", the brunette truthfully spoke. "I don't want to feel like that, ever again. It was the worst." Getting it all out in one rush seemed like it was the best solution before she would find an excuse not to tell her. "When I wasn't working I went out and got drunk. Sometimes I stayed in and got drunk. It had a nice side-effect. It numbed the pain and I didn't think about you. But as we all know, alcohol influences our actions and we become uninhibited and there were all these women and you were gone and I just wanted to feel something, but-" She couldn't finish her sentence. She sunk into the love seat, her face buried in her hands as she cried harder than she had in a while. There was no way Arizona would stay once she knew the facts.

Inside the blonde was a whole tornado of feelings and thoughts going on. Fairly certain that she knew what Callie was trying to imply, Arizona still didn't want to believe what the Latina was actually trying tell her. "I need you to say it", she forced herself to speak. She felt like Callie was going to tell her that she had cheated on her. Was it okay to feel that way? Did she have the right to feel like this? They weren't a couple, after all. But her heart had never stopped beating for the brunette. "I need to hear the words out of your mouth."

Taking a deep breath and holding it for a moment, Callie choked out, "I had one... one-night-stands." Which wasn't exactly wrong, but it wasn't exactly right either. One-night-stands were different. She had tried to use sex to forget the blonde. "Sex, Arizona, meaningless sex with different women so I could have a shot at forgetting you!", she yelled at the blonde. Even though she knew that Arizona wasn't the one to blame, it was easier to put it on somebody else – for once. "So I would stop thinking about you for a few minutes or hours, however long it was." The ferocious honesty behind her words and the shock evident on her ex-lover's face made her realize that – just a few seconds ago – she had hurt the other woman on purpose. "Ouh", she sighed out and started crying again. If she were Arizona, she would never forgive herself for saying what she had said.

Watching the Latina's body as it wrecked with sobs and guilt, the blonde was torn between reaching out to comfort the other woman, and leaving. Callie's words hit deep, and every repetition in her brain just stabbed the knife deeper into her aching heart. She could understand that the brunette had felt lost – she had been through the same. But never in a million years had she thought about drowning her memories in booze and hook-ups and it scared her that Callie had chosen this coping mechanism.

Callie knew that she couldn't unsay her words, but if she still wanted a chance, she had to woman up and apologize. Looking up, brown orbs locked with sad pools of amazing blue. "I am so sorry, Arizona. I- I wasn't myself. And I am not just saying that to justify my actions." Because frankly, nothing would ever be enough to sanctify what she had done. "For all it's worth, it never meant anything. I thought I could forget you, get over you, but there is no getting over you." _Never._ "You are in my heart, my mind, under my skin and in my veins and every time after I- I just left or made the women leave. I couldn't stand being close to them." It had always been just sex.

The more Arizona heard, the more she wanted to leave. She needed to put some distance between her and Callie and no matter how far away from her the other woman was sitting, whether it was on the same couch or in the love seat across from her, it wasn't enough space between them. "I need to go", she stated abruptly, standing up and collecting her belongings.

"Wh- where are you going?", Callie asked, rising to her feet as fast as possible to stop the blonde from leaving. She knew she had been unfair and offending, there was no use in diminishing the words she had spoken in a sudden surge of anger. And when Arizona walked past her, she was quick to clasp her hand around the other woman's wrist, her touch more gentle than her words. "Please don't go. Not again." Fearing that once Arizona would leave the house and that she would never come back, the Latina didn't hesitate to beg. She had let the love of her life leave before, she wouldn't do that again without a fight.

Turning around to face her ex-fiancée, a pale hand reached out to cup a tear-stained cheek and the other brushed dark tresses out f the Latina's face as she looked for the right words. "I need time, Calliope." She was hurt. By what Callie had done, by the brunette's words and the tone she had spoken in. "I need time to process all of this." It was a lot to take in and she felt betrayed. "I love you. That hasn't changed. And I love Malia, so please don't think that she is what I need to think about. But you just put a lot of weight on my chest and it fucking hurts to picture you with-" She didn't know with whom exactly, she just knew that there were a lot of different _women_. "It just hurts." Wanting to promise the Latina that everything would be alright, she stopped herself. Arizona didn't even know if she would be able to forgive Callie for hurting her so much. Actions always spoke louder than words, but in this case, they were both very much equal. "I need to go."

And for the first time since the blonde had come back into her life, Callie didn't know which feeling was worse. The insecurity if Arizona would leave after knowing everything, or the brutal, absolute truth of watching her go. Her heart screamed at her, to run after the other woman, but the brunette knew that it wouldn't help in the end. If Arizona needed time, she would have to grand her at least that. Collapsing onto her knees, the Latina once again broke down in tears, understanding that losing the blonde would be even more painful the second time around.

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AN: The truth is out there, and it hurts. I guess that describes this chapter the best. But how will it be now? Will they talk? Will Arizona give Callie the silent treatment? Or is she just going to bail like she does/did on the show? Did you like the talk?


	9. Chapter 9

AN: Hey guys!

My kind-of-a-hiatus is not over yet, but I promised I'd upload a chapter when it's done. So here it is! I am working on OUAD as well, whenever I find or take some time. I hope you are all still with me and like that chapter.

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Almost three weeks – nineteen days to be exact – after they had talked and Callie had let Arizona walk out of the apartment, not much had changed. The brunette went out of her way to do little things to let her former lover know that she cared, that she was giving her the time she needed and that she was waiting for her without being pushy – such as making the blonde's favorite breakfast every so often and only for her. But, even though Arizona gave her a deep-dimpled smile when she thanked her, the Latina knew the other woman wasn't done brooding over her past. And as much as she could understand the blonde, it hurt her. It hurt to see the pain in those mesmerizing blue orbs or to hear the underlying tone of sorrow in Arizona's voice. The worst of it was to know that she was once again the reason for both of them feeling miserable. "I made you blueberry pancakes", Callie said quietly and pushed a plate with three pancakes over the counter that separated the kitchen island from the main area of the recreation room. "But don't tell the others, they get solely plain pancakes", she added with a wink, trying not to concentrate on the tension between them and overplaying her own nervousness with flirtiness.

And once again, the blonde offered her a bright smile, "Thank you, Calliope." But the next second something changed. Arizona's smile fell, her eyebrows furrowed and she reluctantly reached out to grab the plate. "You don't have to do this, not for me. I-" If she was being honest, she still didn't know if she could ever forgive the brunette for sleeping around. Thinking about it, contemplating all the odds kept her awake at night. There was still so much love for the other woman inside her, and it stung even more because of it. In the last two years, she had gone on one date which Arizona had ended after the first course on the menu because she simply couldn't do it. There was only one love for her and that was Callie, and any other woman just wasn't her Calliope. And a part of her felt naive for thinking that the Latina had done the same, had had the same trouble getting over their relationship. After finding out the truth, it looked like she hadn't, and Arizona felt like a fool for trusting the brunette would still be the same. The reality was, they both had grown and changed. "I'm sorry."

Callie watched as blue eyes became dull and unshed tears tears started to brim before the blonde hectically scurried away and left with her breakfast. At least she didn't reject my food, the brunette thought to herself and turned back to the stocks of pancakes she had prepared for the rest to the group. "Guys, breakfast is ready!", she called out and in under a minute, the first plate that had been full of delicious and pancakes was empty, so she put the second plate on the counter. "I know how hungry you guys are", she chuckled as Mark hopped onto one of the stools.

"No change yet?", he asked. Knowing his best friend had told Arizona everything, he was waiting – and keeping his fingers crossed – for the blonde to come around any day. The first day had been hard on the Latina, and had genuinely thought the brunette had lost even the smallest bit of hope. And in watching her cry and holding her, he was scared she would fall back into old habits. But that hadn't happened. The second day, Callie had put a smile on her lips and promised him to do everything she could to help Arizona trust in her again, no matter how long it might take. Still, with every day that passed, the man noticed it was eating away at her.

"No change yet", the brunette copied his words with a sigh and shook her head. "I'm giving her the time she needs, and I am trying to give her space as best as I can." Which wasn't easy considering they worked together. "But it's... It's just hard, knowing that she still loves me so much and that I hurt her so badly. She was gone for two years, how was I supposed to know she still felt the same and that she would come back?" Knowing that looking for excuses didn't change anything about the situation for the time being, she looked at the man in front of her and asked, "Do you think I'm doing too much? I made her favorite breakfast food for her only and she-" Arizona had smiled and then cried, leaving the Latina totally lost once again. "I'm making things worse, aren't I? I'm making things harder for her." But was it really a bad thing to love the blonde as hard as she did?

Laughing softly at his best friend's antics, Mark walked around the kitchen island and stopped in front of the woman. He put his hands on both of her forearms and squeezed them lightly as he said, "Even though you kind of sound like a nervous teenager, you are just being you. Callie, you always want to fix everything, or try to be as helpful as possible. Does it shoo her away? I don't know. But, does it show her that you are – deep down – still the same? It should. You may seem different to her, she may think you're not the woman she loves so much anymore, but these little things are exactly what should show her that you are still the same. You're even better. You're stronger." When the brunette didn't look up he knew she didn't believe his words. "Do you want me to talk to her? This is like watching Lexie's favorite movie, the one where it takes the guy and the girl ninety minutes to acknowledge their feelings and then, five minutes later, she gets hit by a truck and dies. Only, this is about my best friend, and I actually have a chance to change the outcome."

Callie couldn't help but snort at the ridiculous reference to One Day. They weren't Emma and Dexter. They weren't even Emma and Emma. No one was getting hit by a truck here. "I have to let her go at her on pace, Mark, but thank you." Arizona was the last woman she was really intimate with. Those minutes in the shower – she had been all in with the blonde, mind, body and soul. And even during the nights she was with other women, Arizona was always the only one who mattered. Looking up, she gave the man somewhat of a smile so he knew she'd be okay. He really was an awesome friend and she wanted to hug him, but with all of their fellow firefighters near them and some of them watching, she didn't. Not because she didn't want them to see her hugging the man. But because she knew Mark liked to act more tough than he actually was. And who was she to jeopardize the rescue squad's Lieutenant's image.

As the sound of the siren roared through the firehouse, everybody stood still, listening to the announcement that came through the speakers. "Firehouse 22, fire in the John Hay Elementary School, 201 Garfield street. Truck 42, Squad 8, ambulance 72, battalion 11".

"Cal, are you okay?", Mark asked his best friend and looked down at the mess of broken porcelain pieces that littered the ground. The two empty plates Callie had been holding had slipped out of her hands when the woman from the control station had forwarded the emergency and her face had turned white. Well, paler than usual. "Come on, Cal, we gotta move", he said, wanting to drag the brunette towards the firetrucks and get their protecting gear. His squad team was probably already waiting on him.

Horrified, wide brown eyes stared at the man as Callie finally found her voice. "That's Malia's school." And then, as if that had been her wake up call, she ran past her best friend, got ready and was inside the truck, her feet nervously tapping the ground with the heavy boots. On the ride, while her fellow firefighters kept chatting and laughing, she was desperately trying – and failing – not to think about all the possibilities that could happen. Malia always told her how the school a fire drill in every quarter of the school year and how well she knew to behave because of her aunt's job. Yeah, the young girl sure loved to brag about the older Latina.

"Yo, Torres", O'Malley addressed her, nudging her boot-clad foot with his, "ate too much breakfast? You look like you're about to vomit."

Her stomach felt like it was in knots, so his question wasn't too far fetched, but she didn't answer. Not that she didn't like him, or that she couldn't deal with the usual picking on each other that went back and forth between the members of the truck company 42, but her head was somewhere else. Plus, O'Malley was still the candidate – he had yet to proof himself as a firefighter – and he didn't get to tease her like the rest of the group, yet.

"This looks bad, guys", Owen said from the front seat, overlooking the scene which unfolded itself right in front of them. The truck company of firehouse 9 was already unloading gallons of water onto the school building, fighting the beast from the outside as best as they could. Four different teams of paramedics were busy checking airways and dealing with minor injuries.

Even before Derek had the chance to put his foot all the way on the break and halt the truck entirely, Callie hopped out of it, skimming the crowd of kids and teachers. A few cheeks showed traces of grime and that in itself was usually a bad sign. Add to it the look of horror and the crying of some children, it was definitely bad. Unable to spot her niece – which didn't exactly help to raze Callie's panic – the brunette's eyes found the building and not for the first time in her career as a firefighter did she wonder how late the fire had been discovered and how fast it had expanded. "Shit."

"DADDY!", Zola's voice reached her ears and a second later, she saw the girl jump into her adoptive-father's arms, seemingly scared of the locomotion around her. She didn't mind the trucks, or the firefighters in their gear, but witnessing an actual fire was definitely something else.

"Zola, where is Malia", the Latina asked immediately. She heard Lieutenant Hunt giving instructions in the background to support the work of the other truck company, and Derek put his daughter down to see if she was alright, but Callie needed to know her niece was okay. When the girl didn't give her an answer but clung to her dad's leg instead – which was very untypical for the usually outgoing girl – the brunette asked again. "Zola, I need to know this. Where is Malia?" She tried to stay as calm as possible, even though she was a mess inside.

"I haven't s-s-seen her", the nine-year old started to cry and sob between her words, using her father's pants to wipe away her tears. "She- she went to- to the bathroom before- before the alarm went off and then-"

It was hardly understandable, but both adults managed, somehow, and shared a worried look. Callie immediately searched for Malia's teacher, who was currently being treated by her ex-lover. Shouldn't she know where her niece was? Could it be? Was Malia still inside the building? The Latina's heart pumped faster and faster as she made her way over to the two women. "Mrs. Lenox, where is Malia?", she asked the gray-haired lady. Mrs. Lenox was already in her late fifties, but she was still a very good teacher who kept up with the latest teaching methods. Not only was she patient with the kids, but she also passed her secret – about how to be patient with children that age – along to the new, young teachers. With her helmet still in tucked under her arm, she added, "Have you seen her?"

Light brown eyes practically flew open at the mention of the young Latina's name. Did she really forget one of her kids? "No", she shook her head. "I counted them and it was... Oh God." She had counted them by the heads as they left the building and all twenty-six kids where there. But what had slipped her mind was that there were twenty-seven children in her class now. Visible shaken by the realization, the older woman stammered a merely audible, "I..."

But the brunette didn't hear her out. She turned around on her heels and walked through the still crowded schoolyard, ignoring her former lover calling out her name as she passed more and more kids and teachers consoling the kids. Preparing her mask and helmet, she saw her fellow firefighters and everybody from the rescue squad standing outside, taming the fire with water and helping the paramedics if needed. "I'm going inside", she informed her lieutenant and secured the respirator mask over her mouth and nose.

"Torres, stop! Nobody goes inside. We can't prevent the building from blowing up. Nobody's going inside, do you hear me?", Webber stated, firm and clear as he repeated his order. Protecting his firefighters was his number one priority, on every shift, since he took over the position as battalion chief ten years ago. At first, he had only been the interim chief. But when it became obvious that the old chief wouldn't return, it was his time to look over the firehouse 22.

Callie thought she hadn't heard him right. There could be people in there. Malia was still inside. She had to go inside the school and get to her niece. Usually, she would not disobey the chief's order and she knew that he was only deciding what he thought was the best to keep his men and women safe. But she had to follow her heart, she couldn't lose Malia. Taking off her breathing mask, she looked directly into the older man's dark eyes and said, "I'm sorry for doing this, sir", before she quickly put the mask and helmet on and ran into the building, moving as fast as possible, even as the smoke hit her.

It was a rough path. The hallways were filled to the brim with thick clouds of smoke and it was only getting worse the higher she climbed up the stairs. Her niece's main classroom was on the second floor – and so was one of the bathroom for girls – so that was where Callie wanted to look first. "Malia!", she called out, but got nothing in return. If the girl had tried to leave this building on her own, she most likely would have come face to face with the raging fire. The brunette didn't want to think about it. Instead she tried to have her eyes everywhere, on the ground in case someone was lying on the ground, on the walls so she wouldn't miss a single door. She looked into every room that wasn't locked – even if it stole essential time – until she got to the bathroom. "Malia, are you in there?"

At first, Callie couldn't hear anything, but as she closed her eyes and blocked out the fire and smoke and every sound surrounding her, she could hear it, the faint coughing and the muffled scream for help that came from inside the bathroom. "Get away from the door, Malia!", the brunette ordered and waited three seconds – just in case – before she kicked the door open, finding her niece cowering under one of the sinks. Water was spilling from the faucet and over the lip and the young Latina had soaked her shirt for better breathing. Such a smart kid, Callie thought to herself and squatted down, "Are you hurt?"

When her niece shook her head, the older brunette sighed, sending silent prayers to her parents, brother, and sister-in-law above as she pulled off her helmet. The room wasn't as hot as the rest of the building, but she knew it wouldn't stay this way forever. There was no escape through the small windows. They would have to go all the way back through the corridors. "I will give you my mask, okay?", she spoke slowly and softly, not wanting to scare her niece any further as she told her the plan. They needed to get out of there, and fast, but fright paralyzed people more than anything. "I'll secure it behind your head and then we're getting out of here." Nobody knew how much smudged air the girl had already breathed it, the oxygen from the mask would definitely be good for her lungs. Placing the helmet back on after she soaked the kerchief she always wore around her neck with water and securing it over her nose, Callie stood up with the girl in her arms. No matter how fast Malia could run, she knew better when to shy away from a fire. "Come on, Zola is waiting for you", she offered with a broad smile and started to leave the bathroom. The fire had spread out even more, the flickering blurred her vision and the sting of charred metal from the lockers and doors filled her nose through the fabric, making it hard to breathe.

Noticing her aunts struggle, Malia wanted to take off the respirator mask and give it back to her, but the grown Latina pulled her hand away and silently told her – just with one look and a quick shake of her head – not do try that again.

Outside of the building, unbeknownst to Callie and Malia, everybody from firehouse 22 was waiting for the front door to burst open and the two brunettes to come running out. Mark and Owen as well as their teams had wanted to sprint after her, but chief Webber had been very clear to suspend all of them if they did. It might have been an empty thread, but nobody wanted to challenge Richard Webber. Mark had been about to do it anyway when two arms holding on to his left biceps had stopped him, his girlfriend's – who was also Meredith's half-sister – doe-eyes begging him not to do it. And with Arizona – who had wanted to run inside herself but was too shaken up to even do her job by now – on the other side, he didn't. "She'll be okay", he said, more to assure himself than the blonde. "It's Torres we're talking about. She's tough. And damn good at her job."

"Everybody, step away. It's going to blow up!", Webber's deep voice bellowed through the air, overcasting every other noise. And as if he had known it, only seconds later window glasses shattered, scattered the ground as they fell down in broken pieces, making most of the children scream.

The front door blew open, almost ripped out of its hinges by the sheer power of the blast and for a short moment Arizona looked up, hoping to see her ex-lover emerge from the smoke. But nobody came and she couldn't contain the scream that left her mouth, "CALLIE!" She just had to come out, she had to come back to her. The blonde needed to tell the other woman that she loved her, that her past didn't matter if that meant she would be alive. It had not even crossed her mind that she might never get to tell the Latina again how much she loved her, how much she needed her in her life. Yes, Callie's job was dangerous – brave, yet utterly unsafe at times – but the brunette was so good at what she did for a living. So Arizona had taken her time to come to terms with the bitter truth, not thinking that their time together was limited. And now it might be too late. "Please come back to me", she whispered, tightening the hold on Mark's arm, probably leaving indentations of her fingernails, even through the thick jacket he wore.

"She will", was all the men said while his eyes scanned the building every so often before locking on the front door, refusing to believe anything else. He wanted to kick himself for not holding his best friend back, for not running after her. But knowing that Callie thought Malia was the only family she had left, he would have done the same had he been in her situation. "She will and you two will get the chance to work on the demons of your past."

Back inside, the brunette had managed to bring them downstairs. When the explosion had hit – and the experienced firefighter had sensed it- she had pushed her niece into a corner and shielded the lithe body with her own. The sound of it was still ringing in their ears. The air was hot, the fire unrelenting as it rebelled against the water coming from the outside and although they were back on the first floor, she was not sure if they would make it out in time. But the safety, the fresh air and the blue sky were so close, she was not going to give up. "Look at me, Malia", the brunette said, wanting the girl to focus on her. "I will take off my jacket and wrap it around you", she explained and did exactly what she had said, the heat already palpable against her back. It was something she was taught to never ever do. After all, the entire firefighter gear was made to protect them. But this was her niece. This was basically her kid. And Callie was protecting _her_ at all costs. "You have to hold on to me, as tight as you can, when I run outside."

Malia's eyes, so identical to her father's, shot open as she stared past her aunt. Did Callie just tell her that they would run through the fire? "Tia Callie, I am scared", she said honestly through the mask covering her mouth and nose, tears filling her eyes.

The truth was, the older Latina was scared too. She didn't think she had been this scared ever since her first run with a mask over her head through a building that was set up with a controlled fire to drill the new firefighters at the academy. Not even when she had become Malia's legal guardian and was responsible for another human's life. "I know", she replied, lifting the girl's head, wiping the tears away and staining her grime covered cheeks even more. "But you were so brave, Malia. You are my brave girl. You just have to hold on to me. The fire can't get to you through my jacket, okay? We just have to make it through the front door."

What her aunt didn't know what that she had tried to escape. The fire alarm, for a so far unknown reason – hadn't gone off in the bathroom and when she was done, she had opened the door to get back to her classroom. Admittedly, she hadn't been feeling well and therefor had needed a little bit more time. And the hallway had already been filled with thick smoke – and too scared to go any further, she had walked back into the bathroom. "Okay, tia Callie", the young Latina sniffed, holding the material tight around her body.

Come what may, she would get her niece out of the building. Hopefully herself too, but with the cracking sounds coming from above them and the flames still crawling high up on the walls on each side of the hallway, she wasn't too sure. "Ready?" Receiving a nod, the brunette once again scooped the girl up in her arms and took one last deep breath before she started to run. All or nothing.

When the door swung open again, Arizona thought her heart was stopping altogether. A second blast would only diminish the chance of people surviving inside. She didn't even even register that there was no mighty boom going off. She just stared ahead, not believing her tear-glazed eyes when she saw a figure coming through the fire and smoke. "MARK!", she screeched, even though he and the rest of the fighters around her must be seeing it as well.

Grabbing one of the wool blankets nearby and speeding off to help his firefighter, the last words Owen shouted were, "Help her, she's caught fire!", before everybody from firehouse 22, except for Arizona, started to run.

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AN: I know, I know, you all wanted Callie and Arizona to talk about their last conversation. And it will happen. But I didn't say I wouldn't through any more drama their way before that can happen, did I? And sometimes you only understand what you're "throwing away" when you might not have the chance to get it back...


	10. Chapter 10

AN: I can't believe it's been over two months since my last update. Going on my hiatus, I knew I wouldn't spend much time writing/wouldn't have much time writing, but I still tried to upload a chapter here or there. Anyway, this is the next update. Kniwing what's ahead in my life, my kind-of-hiatus should hopefully end around mid September. Until then, I hope you enjoy this chapter.

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Standing on the side of the bricked pavement that lead up to the school building, Malia watched in horror as the firemen did their best, and eventually managed to put out the fire her aunt's sweatshirt had caught. She was terrified. Hugging the older Latina's heat-resistant jacket tight around her small frame, big brown eyes kept staring ahead, witnessing as her aunt writhed and moved in pain. The blood curdling scream that erupted from Callie caused her whole body to shudder. Suddenly, the girl felt two hands on her shoulders, softly squeezing.

"Come here, Malia", Arizona said and turned the young brunette around. "Let's take this mask off. Fresh air is so much better for your lungs." Even though the air around them was anything but pure and fresh, she chose to distract the girl with it. Once the mask was gone, she wiped Malia's warm cheeks with the pads of her thumbs, mixing tears with grime. "Do you remember me?" Receiving a nod, the blonde brushed lose strands of unruly hair out of Malia's face as the young Latina looked up at her.

"But... tia Callie…", Malia whispered, her small body shaking and moving with every wrecking sob that surged through her. She wanted to turn back around and run to her aunt, but at the same time, she was too scared to even look. What if her aunt died too? Where would she live? Instinctively, she wrapped her arms around Arizona, searching for someone to comfort her. And when the blonde brought her hands back into the girl's dark curls, Malia felt safe. Just as safe as she had felt when Callie had gotten them out of the fire.

"We have to get her to the hospital, asap!", April yelled as the firemen lifted their friend onto a spine board. "NO!", she screamed. "Not on her back! Jesus, guys, focus." Wanting to give the Latina even the slightest chance of less pain than necessary, she ordered the men to turn the brunette onto her stomach. Everybody was working quickly, rushing Callie to the EMT after April had managed to find an access for an IV-line and had pushed fluids and morphine into the brunette's system. "Robs, are you coming with me?"

But Arizona didn't move. She was holding on to the lithe body and in an unexpected – yet astounding way – it comforted her as well. And when she tried to move, the arms around her became tighter, Malia whimpered and pressed her face firmer against the blonde's belly. For a second she even thought she had heard the girl begging her not to let go. Arizona was torn. The paramedic in her knew that Callie needed all the help she could give her. The ex-lover in her wasn't sure if she would actually be able to help the brunette. And her heart told her not to leave Malia alone. "Keps…" Arizona didn't know when it happened, but after one particular hectic night shift, they had shortened their last names to one syllable.

April nodded curtly, letting the paramedic in charge know that she understood. "I need someone to drive while I keep my eyes on Torres", she said, turning towards the crowd of firefighters that was standing by the vehicle. Surprisingly, Mark stepped back, shock still written all over his face. "GUYS!", the redhead yelled, making Malia flinch and even Arizona jumped a little. "Fucking now." It was very untypical for April to curse, only on a rare occasion would you hear a swear word leave her lips. So before Henry hurried behind the steering wheel, a lot of people were stunned into a stupor. "I'll see you at the hospital", was the last thing April said and then she closed the back doors of the ambulance.

Members of the truck company and rescue squad scurried around to pick up Halligan-tools and blankets they had used to cover the Latina's body. Mark's gaze was still focused on the street – the ambulance with his best friend inside long out of sight – and held on tight to his girlfriend's delicate hands. Meanwhile, Arizona had taken her ex-lover's niece and helped her into the fire truck after Owen had offered them a ride. "Can you open your mouth for me? I need to check it out." Malia nodded but didn't say anything. After a minute, the blonde sighed with relief. There were no visible traces of smoke. "You're going to be okay."

"Tia Callie gave me her mask, Arizona", the girl said, looking at the woman still kneeling in front of her. "She was coughing so much and I wanted to give her the mask back, but she didn't want it. And then she gave me her jacket. She told me she needed to protect me. But nothing protected her."

New tears spilled from big brown eyes and Arizona felt at a loss of what to do. Because, what could she say? What could she do other than console the girl as best as possible? When the first firefighter joined them, she secured their seat belts over their torsos, and waited for the rest to follow. Every second felt like a minutes, a couple of minutes felt like an hour. It seemed like a whole day had passed until the engine of the fire truck finally roared and they were following the EMT to Seattle Press. "Please be okay."

BWY

Two hours later, with the majority of the firehouse 22 crew sitting or walking back and forth in the waiting area of Seattle press, Arizona was still keeping an eye on Malia Torres. After she had finally stopped crying, the girl's body had succumbed to its exhaustion and she had fallen asleep with her head in the blonde's lap. And every time Arizona looked down, she couldn't help but smile. Though not biologically Callie's daughter, Malia looked so much like her aunt, which didn't surprise her at all. The two very much identical faces and expressions had caused the Torres' siblings to be often mistaken as twins. "Noinformation yet?", Arizona whispered as she looked up at Mark who had stopped in front of her, offering a cup of coffee from the coffee cart.

But all the lieutenant of the rescue squad could do was shake his head and sigh. His best friend had been rushed to the hospital moments after her back had literally been on fire. The smell of burned flesh was something he would never get used to. But when it was Callie's burned skin and her sweatshirt sticking to it, it was even worse. "They should give us an update soon, shouldn't they?", he asked hopefully, addressing April and the Chief.

"They will give us an update when they can, Sloan", Chief Webber stated. "There is no use in rushing them." He didn't need to ask any of his firefighters if they were worried, their lowered faces told him enough. But annoying passing doctors or nurses would not help anybody.

"How is she? Have you heard anything yet?", came Teddy's voice as she barged through the corridor on her way the crew. Her left arm was in a sling, still healing from an accident with a torn safety rope seven weeks ago. A dislocated elbow, a broken ulna and broken wrist was the total damage. A bitch to heal. PT was brutal. And just the tiniest wrong move put her in pain if she didn't take her meds every six to eight hours. "Henry?" Her husband of now almost a year just shook his head before he gave her a warm but careful hug. "Damn. Why did she run into the building? From what I've seen on the news, it looked pretty bad."

"She saved her family", Arizona replied without making eye contact with the other woman. Instead she focused her gaze on the even movement of Malia's back and shoulder whenever the girl took a breath. It helped to keep her calm. While waiting for the doctors to return, she had thought hard about what Callie had done. And the more she thought about her ex-fiancée and Malia, their relationship and everything she had learned that had happened to their family, she realized that she would have done the same.

"Are you all here for Calliope Torres?", Dr. Randy Strauss who had approached the group asked. He ripped his scrub cap off and wiped his forehead. "All of you?" He knew his patient was a firefighter, but he still hadn't expected so many people waiting for an update on their colleague. "Is her family informed?"

Battalion Chief Webber rose to his feet, "Yes, we-"

"We are her family", Mark quickly interrupted his superior. "All of us." And he meant it. He wasn't just talking about him or Arizona, or about Lieutenant Hunt. Not just the people Callie called her friends, or the people close to her. No. He meant the hole crew, from the paramedics to every single firefighter of the firehouse 22 to Chief Webber.

And as the firefighters nodded in agreement, the blonde spoke up, "How is she doing?" She felt the need to see that Callie was actually still breathing. She needed to know that she would get the opportunity to give the brunette – to give them – a second chance. "Can we see her?"

Understanding that not giving the group any information might be going with the rules but wouldn't help anyone right this moment, Dr. Strauss answered, "Miss Torres' back suffered severe third and in some places even fourth degree burning. We cleaned the wounds, managed to pull off every little piece of clothing that stuck to her skin and put healing ointment on her back before we brought her back up. Our best plastic surgeon is already working in skin grafts as we speak. The team and I agreed on keeping her sedated for the next twenty-four hours, to give her body time to rest and to spare her from the pain." Pausing for a moment to let his words sink in, he then asked, "Is here anyone whose name is Arizona?"

"That's me", the blonde quickly said. If it wasn't for Malia still using her legs as a pillow, she would have jumped up and run towards the surgeon. "What is it?"

"She was asking for you before we put her under. If you want, you can go see her in a bit. She's in the ICU of the burn unit, fifth floor. Just go up there, I'll let the nurses know to give you a gown so you can be inside the room with her. But please remember that she is sedated. She won't wake up until we lower the sedation."

Feeling tears spring to her eyes, the blonde choked out a barely audible 'Thank you' before Dr. Strauss walked away. Callie had asked for her and Arizona was doing her best to keep her breathing as even as possible to calm herself. Maybe, if she would talk to the brunette, she would be able to hear her?

Derek sat down next to her and placed his hand reassuringly on top of the blonde's. "Should I call Mer so she can pick up Malia? We have spare clothes for her at our place for emergencies and her day has been stressful enough. Maybe some time with Zola will take her mind off of everything that has happened? I assume you'll stay here for the night?", Derek asked calmly, not wanting to wake Malia. "She shouldn't have to stay the night at the hospital.

"No", came Malia's response, her voice raspy from the nap she took. She had heard Derek's words and was vehemently shaking her head, not liking the idea of leaving without her aunt . Sitting up, the girl rubbed her sleepy eyes before she looked at Arizona. "I don't want to leave. I want to stay were tia Callie is. I wanna stay with you." And as she said those words, she wrapped her little arms around Arizona's and held on tight. "Please, Arizona."

"Malia…" The blonde was torn. A huge part of her wanted to stay with Callie the whole night. It didn't matter that the brunette wouldn't be awake or know that she was there. She just wanted to be close to the other woman. But another part – a part that was constantly growing inside her – felt responsible for the young Latina. As weird as it may sound, if the roles were reversed, she would want her kid to stay with Callie. "Zola's dad is right. We shouldn't sleep here tonight." And then she turned to look at the man. "I can take her home with me, Derek", she finally said. Sleeping in her own bed, in her own home would probably be the best solution, but Arizona didn't want to impose. Yes, she could crash on the couch. But it would still be Callie's home she would be invading without the woman's consent. "I'm sure we'll find something for you to sleep in", she assured the girl with a broad smile. One of her shirts should do it for one night. "But I will go and see your tia Callie for a bit and then I come back to get you, okay?" The blonde didn't know how exactly her ex-lover looked right now and she didn't want to scare Callie's niece any more today – her morning had been frightening enough. More specifically, she didn't want Malia to see her aunt being sedated.

Making sure that the firefighters kept an eye on Malia, Arizona made her way to the elevator and up to the burn unit. Her mind was taking her places she didn't want to go right now, but she couldn't stop herself from picturing previous burn victims. She had caught a glimpse earlier and Callie's back had looked bad. Add it to Dr. Strauss' words which had already confirmed her presumption, she attempted to prepare herself as best as she could before she asked for a gown.

BWY

 _Everything around her seemed to be overcast by a thin layer of warm light. But the more Callie let her gaze wander around, the more she knew she had been here before. Yet, it all seemed different, as if something had changed her familiar surroundings in the most beautiful way. There were flowers everywhere, blossoming in the brightest and most wonderful colors. Untypical for this time of the year. And then there was this melody, a piano piece she remembered from her childhood. Could this be? Was this her childhood home? Turning around the brunette noticed the swing set in the backyard, right next to her the big old oak she and Arizona sat under so many times. A little further away, where she and her brother used to play softball or chased each other as kids, were her mother's precious roses where. She could practically hear Lucia Torres' chastising and warning words. And the chair her father used to sit in on the rare Sundays he took off and joined his family in the garden was on the porch, just as she remembered. "Oh my god", she gasped. "I haven't been here since-"_

" _Since Papá died", Arias finished his sister's sentence. "It never looked this beautiful, did it? Even though Mama did her best creating magnificent beds of flowers, it was never like this. I guess it's the perks of being here like this."_

 _Was she dead? Had she managed to save her niece but not herself? It wouldn't matter if it didn't mean that Malia had lost her too. The brunette would give her life every day if it meant saving that little ball of energy. "Where is_ here, _Arias?", Callie asked, looking into her brother's eyes. He appeared healthy and happy, looked very handsome in his form-fitting suit and tie. Glancing down her own body, she noticed that she was wearing her firefighter dress uniform._ _What was that supposed to mean?_ _"Tell me, am I dead? Where is everyone else? What about Malia? I can't be dead. I need to get back to Malia. I need to get back to-" Almost stumbling over her own words as her next thought brought her to Arizona and all the time they wasted being apart. "I have to go back."_

 _Smiling, Arias put his arm around the Latina's back and on her shoulder. "Don't worry, Callita. You're not dead. This is not your heaven and this is not your time to die. I don't even know if it is my garden Eden, although it's quite how I imagined it would be. But your time on earth is not up yet. You will go back. For Malia and for Arizona. Your body just needs some time to heal."_

 _When she turned to him to let her brother fully wrap his protecting and welcoming arms around her, tears of relief rolled down her cheeks. For the first time since Arias and Elena had died, Callie felt actually safe. As if she could finally let go of a lot of pressure she was constantly carrying around with her. She didn't feel alone. "Is Elena here, too?", she asked when she pulled away and walked alongside Arias, nearing the house with every step they took._

 _Not answering her question, the man looked into the distance as he said, "Thank you for saving my daughter. And I am not talking about the fire. Not alone. Callita, you are doing such an amazing job raising her. Elena and I, we don't know why we were ripped away from her so soon, but whenever we are watching you, we see that naming you her Godmother and legal guardian was the best decision we ever made. She is so happy, Callita. Maybe you think you're out of your here, that you are failing her as an aunt. But I can assure you that you are not." He suddenly stopped and looked at her. Two identical pairs of brown eyes locked and his lips twitched into a smile. "Now you only have to get your relationship back on track. Letting Arizona go was the dumbest thing you've ever did."_

 _If only she had realized this sooner. "God, I know, Arias. Trust me, I do", she agreed and hung her head low. She had messed this one up. Big time. And after witnessing the blonde ignore her, or barely talk to her unless it was work-related, Callie was fairly certain that she had also blown her last chance with the other woman. "But I don't think she will want to get back together with me. Not after everything. Not after-"_

 _He put his index finger over his lips, telling her to be quiet. "But she is right there, Callita. Just listen…"_

 _And just like that, everything around them – the wind, the birds, the sheer sound of living – fell silent. In the distance – it seemed so far away, barely noticeable even through the stillness – Callie could hear her ex-lover's voice, calling her name. "Arizona" she whispered as she thought someone was holding her hand. "She's here?" Feeling a hand on her shoulder, she turned around. "Papá? Mamá? Elena?" The firefighter gave each of them a long hug. Disbelievingly, she stared into her parents' eyes. The feeling of warmth and being home and loved enveloped her and for a second she thought, what if? What if she didn't go back? What if she would just stay here with her family? There was no pain. No fear. No doubts. Her heart knew that she couldn't stay here, but a small part inside here wished she could._

" _You can't stay here, Calliope", her father said, hearing the wheels turn in his daughter's head. Placing his hand against her cheek, he added, "Mija. You have to go back. Malia needs you and so does your Arizona. She is a very special woman, Calliope, and you know that. We may not have been fond of your relationship when you first brought her home. It wasn't how we grew up. But your mother and I quickly understood what you see in her and that you don't find a woman like that, a love like yours in every life you have."_

" _I know, daddy, I know. I just wish it would be easier", she replied with a sigh. "Do you know whether we have a second shot at happiness or not? Because going back and knowing that I still can't be with her, I don't think I can do this any longer. I was so wrong when I pushed her away. But I didn't want to hurt her and now-"_

" _She's here for you, Callita. Always keep that in mind. She came back for you and for everything you two had. Now, when they lower your sedation, when it's time for you to wake up, you are not allowed to fight it. If you fight your consciousness, you might not wake up. You have to wake up. And then you have to fight. To get better, to heal and to get your Arizona back. Okay?" Her mother's words sounded like an order, but Callie knew the older woman was right, so she nodded, determination and strength shining in her eyes. "That's my daughter. Now, come with us. You still have some time left before they pull you away from me and although I am able to keep an eye on you from above, I want to hear how you have been."_

* * *

So, how was that?


	11. Chapter 11

AN: Hey there, fellow readers and writers! I know my updates are coming super sporadically and with delays, but my life has simply changed - for the better and writing is, as much as i love it, not my priority. But be assured, I'll keep writing and I'll finish all my stories. On top of that I already have an idea for a new project. Just, please be patient with me and with the lack of updates okay?

AN2: I love all of you for your reviews and for the continued follows and favorites. They make my days and they make me smile on a rough day at work. So, thank you for all the love you give me!

* * *

It was two and a half hours later that Arizona – after a rough cab ride through Seattle's stormy weather – opened the door to her apartment and told Malia to get inside. The girl, shaken up from the day, from being trapped in a building that was on fire, from watching her aunt's back in flames and from being ripped out of her routine – again, did just that and stood completely still in the middle of the blonde's living room. "I'll get a towel for your hair, okay?", she informed the young brunette who merely nodded to let Arizona know she had heard the words. Making a beeline through her apartment, she quickly opened the cabinet below the sink in the recently renovated bathroom and grabbed two towels. Draping one over her shoulders, she pulled out both of her hair ties – because she always used two at work to keep her pony tail in check – and let down her hair before walking back into the living room. "You're soaked through, Malia", she pointed out, shaking her head at the fact. They had sprinted from the car to the front door of her apartment building but with Malia's jacket still at the school and hers forgotten in the EMT, the heavy rainfall had simply been too much. The last thing she – and furthermore Callie – needed, was her niece catching a cold or pneumonia. Pale hands ruffled through wet braids to loosen the strands, before Arizona rubbed the thick dark hair with the towel and eventually, masterfully wrapped it up in it. "That should help", the blonde smiled. "Are you cold? Do you want some hot chocolate?" Her favorite childhood beverage always cheered her up, whether it was on a cold and rainy day, or after something horrible had happened. And today, it was both. "Or maybe a bath would be better. You must be freezing to the bones. I'll fill the tub, okay?" She realized that towel-drying the child's hair would be futile if she did take a bath, but in her opinion, it was an even better idea. And she hadn't thought about that when coming home – her brain still busy worrying about her ex-lover. Malia had not said a single word since they had left the hospital, not even when they reached the fire house. The little girl had clung to her, searching comfort in the contact, but that had been it. And it concerned the blonde. "Come on, you can take a bath and I will look for something for you to wear." This would probably be difficult task.

"Arizona?", Malia spoke up when the blonde took her hand. "Tia Callie will be alright, won't she?" Her bottom lip quivered at the thought of losing her aunt. Because she vividly remembered how her parents had been healthy and happy one day and then the plane crash had taken them away from her. And since she didn't know her aunt's condition, she feared that she would be the cause of the firefighter's death. "She promi-sed to al-always c-ome ba-back to me-eee", she sobbed.

Immediately wrapping both of her arms around the small body – not caring about wet clothes – Arizona let her ex-fiancée's niece cry as she tried to soothe her as best as she could. "Oh Malia. She will always give her best to come back to you, just like she promised. And do you know why?" Feeling the brunette shake her head, the blonde replied, "Because your tia Callie loves you so much. And her injuries are not life-threatening, I can promise you that." They were most likely painful beyond the older Latina's tolerance level and there would probably be scarring in the future. But Callie was alive. And unless her ex-lover's body couldn't take the trauma and would give up – which Arizona forbid herself to think about, because she couldn't allow herself to picture the possibility of losing Callie irrevocably – she would be okay, eventually. "We can go to the hospital tomorrow and you can see her, okay? If she is awake, you can even talk to her."

"Okay", the girl nodded again and let herself be led into an unfamiliar bathroom. She sat down on the toilet lid and watched as the blonde prepared the bathtub and then opened the tap. "Do you have bubble bath?", Malia asked. Bubble bath was fun. She always played with the bubbles and when she was younger, her aunt played with her before washing her hair.

Smiling because she could hear in the young brunette's voice that Malia was slowly calming down and through that, opening up to the blonde, Arizona turned around. She held up her two bottles, each containing one of her two favorite scents of bubble bath – one with blueberries and the other one vanilla scented. "Of course I do! Which one do you want?"

Only using her index finger to point at the bottle in the woman's left hand – the one with the blueberries on it – she started to untie her shoes. "Can I still have a cup of hot chocolate after my bath? Tia Callie always makes me hot chocolate when I am sad." And just like that, the small smile that had crept its way up into the child's face faded, the mere thought of her aunt in the hospital scaring her. She couldn't even remember the last time Callie had brought her a cup of hot chocolate.

"Of course you can", the blonde replied, noticing the sudden change in mood. She had just checked the temperature of the water and for her, it was just right. But it's been years since she and Callie had given Malia a bath, so she didn't know if the girl would think it's too hot. "Alright the tub is almost full. If you don't like the temperature, you can add cold or hot water, okay? I'll bring you some towels real quick and then I leave you alone while I search for something you can wear." Waiting for any kind of reaction that the girl had heard her, Arizona then left the bathroom, closing the door behind her and leaning against it. She exhaled a breath she didn't know she had been holding in. Despite her adoration for Callie's niece and that she kind of offered to keep an eye on the child for tonight, she only now realized what she had signed up for. She felt like she had to walk on eggshells around the young brunette, cautious to not tip the iceberg and start the waterworks again. Telling herself that everything would be better as soon as Malia saw that her aunt would be okay, Arizona eventually pushed herself off the wall. "Everything will be better tomorrow."

* * *

A little after midnight, Arizona was woken up by a blood-curling scream that came from her bedroom – where Malia was sleeping while the blonde had made her bed on the couch. Within only a few seconds, she threw the blanket off and was up and running, barging through the door and switched the light on. Finding the kid tossing and kicking on the bed, the covers and pillow already on the floor as Malia obviously fought against a nightmare, Arizona sighed. She had feared this would happen while simultaneously hoping it wouldn't. Malia had been through enough for a lifetime, as far as the blonde understood. Approaching the girl, Arizona carefully sat down and pulled the wildly writhing body close before attempting to wake her up, "Hey, Malia, wake up. It's just a dream. It's just a dream." She repeated the last sentence over and over until Malia finally woke up, shaking and disorientated. So Arizona started rubbing the young Latina's back and head, seemingly calming her down.

"I want my Nana", Malia whimpered between her cries and clutched the blonde's sleep-shirt in her fists. She needed her aunt. But that wasn't an option and she knew that.

Her Nana would help for tonight. And Arizona had promised that she could see her aunt tomorrow at the hospital.

Arizona on the other hand had expected the child to cry for her aunt. She had never heard of Nana, didn't know that the brunette was talking about her favorite stuffed ice bear that she couldn't sleep without. "Who is Nana?", the blonde asked, realizing that guessing and picking things out of the blue wouldn't get her anywhere. The girl's explanations was rough to understand as heavy sobs caused her to stop every other word, but eventually Arizona could put it together. And then she resigned. She didn't have a key to Callie's house and had no clue how to get Malia's ice bear. What was she supposed to do? "Do you want to come to the living room with me?", she offered, buying herself some time without leaving the scared girl alone. When Malia held on tight and nodded, Arizona tried to stand up with her. Two years ago, before she had left Seattle, she had been able to carry the girl up the stairs or run around in the backyard letting her ride piggyback. But Malia had grown. And the blonde simply wasn't strong enough anymore. Something Callie surely didn't have a problem with. But as much as it pained her, she had to softly push the girl away to stand up. "Come on."

In the living room, they were both on the couch and the blonde had covered most of Malia's body and her own legs with the blanket as she tried to come up with a plan. She didn't have any stuffed toys left to offer as a substitute. And even if she had, they most likely wouldn't help the girl. Think, Arizona, think, she told herself while another part of her brain wondered if this was how Callie had felt after her brother and sister-in-law had passed away. She felt so helpless. Malia hadn't stopped crying and she imagined it had been the same when the Latina took the child in. And then she remembered that Callie had had help. Meredith.

Not caring about the time, she reached for her phone and browsed through her contacts, certain that she had Derek's number saved on her phone.

„Who is this?", a groggy, raspy voice answered the phone after the fourth ring and Arizona felt a sigh of relief leaving her body. And for a moment, the blonde even forgot what she wanted, why she had called the Shepherd's in the first place. "Hello?"

"Shoot. Derek? This is Arizona. Malia and I need your help." Arizona couldn't see this, but within a split second, the man on the other end of the line was wide awake, and so was his wife next to him. "Malia wants her ice bear, she keeps asking for it. I just feel really lost. I don't have a key to Callie's place and I can't leave Malia alone either." The paramedic hadn't thought something like this would throw her off. She had expected a lot of crying or silence, maybe even stoic behavior after what Malia had gone through today. Even her not being able to console the child had been on her list of possibilities for that evening. But not being able to provide what Malia was asking for felt like the worst.

"Her Nana, of course. She never goes to sleep without it, we should have thought about that before we dropped the two of you off at the fire station. I'm sorry, Arizona." Then all the blonde heard were muffled words until Derek addressed her again. "We have a spare key, so Mer will pick up the bear and bring it to you if you send me your address."

Sighing again, Arizona looked at the child before she answered, "I know you hear this every day, but you're a lifesaver, Derek. Thank you." Letting him reply and finally ending the call, Arizona simply hoped it wouldn't take a long time. She had no idea where the Shepherds lived, let alone how long the car ride was. Traffic wouldn't be an issue. But the sobbing, little mess on the couch had Arizona worried, it looked as if she was running out of time before the child would dehydrate herself. "Malia, come here", she pulled the girl closer and resumed rubbing the small back. "It's going to be okay. Everything will be okay." And tomorrow, she hoped, Malia could see her aunt.

It was only twenty minutes later that a knock against her apartment door caught the blonde's attention. The girl had calmed down, but just a little bit, and was still clinging to her. "I'll be back in a few seconds, I promise." Receiving a nod, Arizona disentangled herself from the tight embrace and smoothed out her clothes. "Please, let it be Meredith Shepherd", she whispered to the heavens above, even show she wasn't known as one to pray. But her prayers had been heard. "Thank God."

"I think you need this", Derek's wife greeted her – still clad in her pajamas, the legs of the bottoms tucked into a pair of UGG boots and a thick winter jacket shielding her upper body from the wind and the rain – and handed the blonde the stuffed ice bear and an overnight bag with fresh clothes for the girl. "How is she?", she asked in a whispered voice after Arizona stepped aside and she walked in. Standing in the living room after only a few steps, she found the young brunette curled up on the couch.

"Struggling. And so am I", the blonde admitted. "Why did I think I could do this? I haven't seen her in over two years, I didn't know about Nana. Up until three weeks ago, I had no clue what happened to her and Callie." Shaking her head, Arizona willed the tears back before they had a chance to roll down pale cheeks. "But she was looking at me with those sad eyes and I didn't want to say no to her after today."

Putting a hand on the other woman's shoulder – purposefully invading the personal space of a woman she barely knew – Meredith replied, "Mark told us a little bit about what had happened between you and Callie and how much love there was and obviously still is. From what I know, Malia loves and trusts you just as much as she did years ago or she wouldn't have demanded to stay with you. You may not know anything about their last two years, but you will learn and then you will understand better. Just give it some time."

"Thank you", Arizona answered with a sad smile, hoping that Meredith was right. "You should go back to your family, I'm already sorry for waking you up, I shouldn't keep you here any longer than necessary." And as she said those words, she quietly made her way to the couch where Malia was close to dozing off. "Nana?", she asked, replacing the sadness and worries on her face with a broad smile.

"Nana", the child sleepily exclaimed and reached for her favorite bear before mumbling a 'thank you' into its fluffy fur.

Arizona looked up and caught Meredith sneaking out of the front door of her apartment. "Thank you", she said, not knowing whether the other woman had heard her or not. She covered the girl with her blanket and wrapped herself up in the spare wool blanket while she waited for Malia to be in a deep slumber. When she was sure the girl was out like a light, she dimmed the lights with the remote on the coffee table and leaned back on the couch, wishing for the rest of the night to go by smoothly.

* * *

 _The light was changing around her. It was getting foggier and the faces and bodies of her family started to flicker. "What's happening?", Callie asked when she could see right through her mother before she looked down. She wasn't fading. She was back in her normal firefighter uniform. "Daddy? Arias?"_

" _It's time for you to go back, Calliope", her father replied. "They need you."_

" _The doctors are lowering your sedation", her brother added when he noticed the pain on his sister's face. "You're being pulled back into consciousness. Take care of my little girl for me, Callita."_

 _Watching as her family faded away, Callie wiped at her eyes, willing the tears away. "I love you." She quickly hugged what remained of the four bodies and sniffed._

" _We love you too, and tell Malia we love her more than anything", Elena said before disappearing._

 _The last one to clear away was her brother and Callie stayed as long as she could before something invisible pulled at her. The pain became more and more unbearable and all she felt she could do was scream it out._

The agonizing scream that made its way through the door of Callie's patient room in the hospital startled Arizona just as much as the young Latina who was holding her hand. Malia actually jumped and hid behind the blonde. "It's okay", Arizona cooed, trying to comfort her ex-lover's niece even though she herself had no idea what she should be prepared for. Yesterday, when she had left Callie's room, the brunette had been sedated and therefor sound asleep.

"They just woke her up", Mark said, handing the blonde a cup of coffee to go he got from one of the vending machines as he saw Arizona and Malia stepping out the elevator. "They said she'll be in a lot of pain but they have to examine her without numbing her."

Arizona just looked at the leader of the rescue squad. The man looked tired and worried. "Have you been here all night?" When Mark nodded, she sighed, wishing that she could have done the same, even though Callie wouldn't have known. She just wanted to sit with her and be there with her – for her. But taking care of Malia had been her priority. "Have you been in there?"

Shaking his head, Mark scratched the stubbles of his beard as he answered, "No. They wouldn't let me. I'm not her next of kin and not in her emergency contact. That's you." Eyeing the blonde, he waited for the reaction to his words. And just as he had suspected, blue eyes widened in surprise. "Ever since she told you about everything that has happened, she made up her mind about wanting another chance with you. She knows she messed up when you came back, but she was scared and had her own reasons. Callieis all in now, Arizona. And even though she didn't plan on getting hurt, she put you in as her emergency contact."

"I don't get it", the paramedic answered, but her train of thoughts was interrupted by the doctors leaving the firefighter's room. "How is she?", the blonde asked immediately, trying to brace herself for whatever news she would get. "Is she still awake? Can we see her?"

"She is awake and responsive but in a lot of pain", Dr. Strauss replied. "Some parts of her back are burned worse than we thought, others aren't as bad as they looked yesterday. As of right now, we have to see how her back heals to see how much skin we need for the surgery which will probably result in removing scar tissue as well. That is something only time will tell. But to answer your other question, yes you can see her, but not too many people at once."

Malia instantly tightened her grip on Arizona's hand, "I wanna go in with you."

"Maybe you should stay here with me first, kiddo", Mark chimed in. "And Arizona will come and get you after a few minutes, so Callie doesn't get tired too fast, okay?"

Mouthing a 'thank you' to the man, the blonde crouched down and looked the girl in the eyes. "I'll be back before you know it to come and get you, okay?" She let go of the girl's hand and walked into Callie's room while holding her breath. The brunette was still on her stomach with her head turned away from the door. "Callie?" The other woman shifted, groaning in pain until she was finally facing the blonde. "Oh, Calliope." Tears started to collect in blue eyes as the blonde moved towards the bed. "I am so sorry."

"Not your fault", Callie whispered with a longer break between her words. She tried to reach for her ex-lover's hand but lifting her arm hurt and stopped her. A few seconds later she felt warm fingers caressing the back of her hand before they clasped around hers. "Malia?"

A smile took over. Even though Arizona knew they had a lot of talking to do, Callie thinking about her niece despite her pain was just so characteristically of her. "She's fine, Calliope. No scratch, no burn wound. Shaken up, yes. But you protected her the best you could. She's outside with Mark. I can get her if you want me to, I just wanted to make sure you're not asleep. I think she needs to see you alive and awake, we had a rough night", she explained. Seeing the confusion in the Latina's eyes, the blonde elaborated, "Malia wanted to stay with me, so I took her in for the night. It wasn't ideal but I just didn't want to leave her alone when she begged me not to."

"Thank you." She took a few deep breaths before asking if Arizona could get her niece and when Malia entered her room, two pairs of deep brown orbs lit up. "I told you I will always come back to you", Callie reassured the child when a head of dark curly hair was resting next to her face. Looking up at Arizona she added, "We'll have all the time to talk now. I'm not going anywhere for a while. So if you want to talk, you know where to find me."

* * *

So, thoughts?


	12. Chapter 12

Time was ticking by slowly as Arizona watched Callie's back rise and fall with every even breath she took. They needed to talk and as much as the blonde was looking forward to the conversation, she was just as much dreading it. Even though the Latina had promised her to be there and willing to talk, Arizona feared the end of the conversation. What if Callie had already decided that she did not want to put up with the blonde's behavior any longer? She had left the brunette, after all, standing in the living room as she ran out. What if she had needed too much time to process everything her ex-fiancée had told her? Arizona wouldn't even blame the other woman. Callie had enough on her plate already. She would most likely spend weeks in the hospital, and then she would need more time to heal.

"I can hear you thinking", Callie said with a groan as she shifted on the bed, trying to get more comfortable without moving too much. "Fuck, this shit hurts", she cursed when a wave of pain surged through her whole body. Her neck was getting stiff from lying on her stomach the whole time. "At least I am reminded why I normally sleep on my sides."

"Callie", the blonde said, rolled her eyes and suppressed the laughter that tried to bubble up in her throat. "I can get a nurse and check if you can get more pain medication, if you want me to?", she offered, already getting up from the hard plastic chair. Tomorrow – if Callie still wanted her there – she would bring a pillow to sit on.

„Don't", the brunette said when Arizona got up. "I don't want to pass out from the meds. We need to talk, Arizona. And if being able to talk to you means that I have to endure a little bit of pain, then I will gladly do that." It was a lie and Callie knew that the blonde knew that, too. But the paramedic didn't make a comment about it and the Latina silently thanked her for that. "I'm not going anywhere any time soon, so if you want to talk, I am here to listen and to talk too."

Biting her bottom lip, the blonde took a moment to replay the night she left the Latina's home. Her ex-lover's words were stuck in her head and as she felt the anger rise up inside again, Arizona eventually blurted out, "I hate it. I hate to know that you had so many one-night-stands when the only one you should have been with was me. I hate that these women got to touch you. I know that I, technically, have no right to be angry about what happened because we were not together and I had left the city, but I am. Because I didn't drown my heartache between other womens' legs. I didn't even go out for the first few months and the one time I stepped into a gay bar, I didn't pull through with it, Calliope, because I missed you. And I still miss you. I will keep missing you for the rest of my life, no matter what will happen, but I was just so mad that I wasn't sure if I could just forget about it."

A smile graced the Latina's lips. Arizona being mad meant that she still cared. And Callie could very well understand that the blonde was angry. Heck, she would have been close to flipping a table or had taken her anger out on the sandbag in the gym of the firehouse. All she could do now though, was apologize. She was sincerely sorry for what she had done. "Would you rather I didn't tell you about it and kept it from you for the rest of our lives? Or until we would cross path with one of these women while doing groceries or while being at a bar?" Although Arizona was right about them not being a couple at the time, she could have handled the situation a lot better. But she did not have the ability to go back in time and change what she had messed up. "I'm sorry, Arizona. Believe me when I say that I did not do it to eventually have the power to hurt you. That was never my intention. All I wanted was to forget and not feel the pain. Admittedly, it didn't work. But I kept trying. And alcohol made it a lot easier."

„Calliope, don't", the blonde warned her ex-fiancée with a raised finger, feeling hurt by what the Latina had said about them maybe running into one of the other woman's one-night-stands. The mere thought made her sick. "Don't use alcohol to justify your actions. You are old enough to take responsibility for your own behavior and drinking until you lose your inhibition is not what I call being a responsible adult." She was raging with anger all over again. But when she noticed the brunette wincing in pain as she tried to object, her facial expression and her voice softened. "I'm sorry, too. I didn't mean to say it like that."

"Except that you did, Arizona. And it's okay, I get it. I was a bitch when I explained everything to you, and even before that, and now-", Callie stopped herself before she said something she would regret. The other woman was not acting like a bitch towards her. Quite the opposite, actually. Ever since the accident, Arizona looked worried and was her usual caring self when she was with the brunette. "I wish we could just forget about it and be happy again. I missed you. I missed out on two years I could have spent with you, been happy with you. I know that it is not that easy and you probably don't trust me right now. But I would like to have a chance to prove to you that you, still, mean the world to me." Being upfront and honest with the other woman was the only way Callie saw to ever have a shot at being with the love of her life. "Malia would like that, too", she added with a wink, knowing that playing the niece card was a low blow.

Sitting there in silence, Arizona envisioned everything she and the Latina could have if they would be able to work through this mess and come out of it together, stronger. They would have Malia, of course, and the blonde knew that between the two of them, the girl would be surrounded by so much love, it made her smile. To be honest, she was still a little wary and lacking some trust in the brunette, as Callie had already predicted. But there was something else – something bigger – which was holding her back. The main reason they had broken up in the first place. Her wish for kids in the future was still on the table. And now that Callie already had Malia, the blonde wasn't sure if her ex-lover's view on the topic had changed or if being Malia's legal guardian was enough for the firefighter. Knowing that she wouldn't get anywhere if she would brood over it, she asked, "Do you see yourself having more kids? I mean, at some point in the future?"

It was Callie's turn to take a moment and think about the other woman's words and question. She loved having Malia around. And she had always loved spending time with her niece when she was a little baby. But she had also been happy when she could hand her back to Elena or Arias when Malia had started crying. When her brother and sister-in-law had died, Malia hadn't needed diapers anymore. The house didn't smell like poop and wasn't littered with baby toys. And as lucky as Callie had called herself two years ago, a part of her now thought that she had missed out on something. "Eventually, yes", she answered, realizing that having a baby – that giving Malia some sort of a sibling – with Arizona by her side, did sound pretty good. "Not right after I get out of this freaking hospital, but in a year or two, yes."

Although hesitant at first, Arizona couldn't stop the joyful feeling from spreading out inside her. Sometimes time had the power to change people's thoughts and wishes. "I'm glad you think that way", the blonde replied and cautiously squeezed the Latina's left hand. There was still a lot of work they had to do, but she genuinely felt they had made the first tentative step in the right direction. "I really missed you, Calliope. Not just as my fiancée or my lover or the amazing sex we always had, but as a person. You were the most important person in my life for so many years, you were my best friend and the person I could always talk to, and then suddenly, I couldn't do that anymore", she said honestly, looking down at their joint hands as she spoke. Opening up and trying to trust the other woman with her feelings again was something she had to learn all over again.

"Arizona", Callie started and then took a deep breath which made her close her eyes in pain. Soon, and she knew that, she would have to ask for another dose of pain medication. "I have never wanted the past to happen as it did. Back then I didn't see another solution, we wanted different things in life. I couldn't see myself as a mother and to be honest, I don't think I'm doing a good job raising Malia. Most of the times I am insecure when something out of the ordinary comes up. I'm not talking about cooking or washing her clothes or providing everything she needs", she stated, "but the first time I had to punish her for throwing a tantrum, I was the one crying afterwards. And then there's my job. I risk my life every time I am at work and let's not even talk about the amount of time she spends with Meredith and Zola." Taking a moment to find the best words to say, brown eyes tried to focus on blue as she finally opened her mouth, "I can see myself having more kids in the future, when I have you by my side, but I will never become a stay-at-home mom. That is just not who I am."

"I never pictured you as one", Arizona replied instantly and laughed. She knew the other woman way too well to think that Callie would give up her job. "And I would never force you to do that, either. You are damn good at your job, Calliope, and making you stop doing what you love, it wouldn't feel right. To be honest, right now, I don't picture myself staying at home all the time, either. But I also don't know how I feel about that in the future. What I do know though is that we can table that conversation when the time is right. For now, I would like to ask you out on a second first date, once you're healed."

Before today, she thought she'd never get to hear those words out of Arizona's mouth ever again. The blonde had told her that she still loved her, but with everything that had happened, Callie just wasn't sure the other woman still felt the same way. But deciding to trust her ears, the more ecstatic she became. "I'd love that."

* * *

When Callie awoke again a couple of hours after passing out due to the heavy medication, it was the first time after the incident, that she didn't feel the instant pain shooting through her back. This time, she smiled. The display of her two favorite people in the world interacting so beautifully with each other filled her heart with joy. She decided to stay quiet for just a few more minutes and relish in the sight next to her hospital bed, listening carefully to the softly spoken words between the young brunette and her ex-lover.

"Tia Callie", the child exclaimed all of a sudden. Malia had turned towards the other brunette in the room after feeling a second pair of eyes watching her. "You're awake!", she beamed and jumped of the blonde's lap only to slow down immediately and to cautiously climb onto the small empty spot of her aunt's hospital bed, next to the firefighter. "You're coming home soon, right?"

Even the older Latina herself couldn't describe how much she wanted to be discharged already, how much she wanted to leave the hospital and how much she wanted to have an answer for her niece, but she hadn't. She knew about the damage on her back, knew about the upcoming surgeries and the treatment her back would need afterwards. The doctors had told her that even with the surgeries it wasn't guaranteed that she would be able to feel something, anything, any sort of touch on the new skin on her back ever again because some nerve endings were severely burned. But they had also said that she shouldn't be in a lot of pain for the same reason, but what Callie was experiencing was horrible. How much time her body, her skin, would need to heal though, no one could tell her. "Malia..." The brunette hated crushing the little girl's hope.

"Malia", the blonde chimed in. "Remember how I told you that the doctors make sure that your tia Callie's back will not get infected and that they make her better as soon and as fast as her body allows it?" Receiving a nod, she continued. "It will take some time. But knowing your tia, she will do everything in her powers to be able to come home to you as quick as possible." She winked at her ex-lover, remembering how Callie often used to struggle to find the right words when Malia had asked her a question. That, even after all this time, hadn't changed.

All she wanted was to wrap her niece up in a tied embrace and tell her that everything would be alright. But knowing that she shouldn't move too much, she gave the child the best smile she could muster. "I promise, Malia. Right now, I am a little messed up. Your well-being was more important than mine." Looking at the blonde, she continued. "Thank you for being there for her, Arizona. I can call Meredith to pick up Malia whenever you want to leave, the Shepherds have spare clothes and-"

"But I wanna stay with Arizona, tia Callie", the girl spoke up, big brown eyes pleading with the only pair of blue eyes in the room. "Please, Arizona. Even Nana is already at your place."

That sparked the curiosity in the older brunette. As far as she knew, Malia's favorite stuffed ice bear was waiting for her niece at their home, in the girl's bed, tucked in under the child's blanket. "How did that happen?", she asked, feeling the bed shake a little as Malia let her legs swing back and forth.

"I wasn't in your house, if that is what you think, Calliope", Arizona immediately said, defending herself with her hands in the air before the Latina had made any accusations. "We had a little trouble last night", she started to explain, let her hands sink into her lap and stared at them, "and I didn't know what to do. I felt helpless so I called the Shepherds and Meredith brought Nana over. I hope that was okay. Meredith said they have a spare key for emergencies."

Callie could hear the nervousness in the blonde's voice and her fast rambling. It was a character trait she always found beyond adorable in her ex-lover. It also made it impossible for Arizona to lie to her. "I would have done the exact same thing if the roles were reversed, Arizona. What happened between us didn't matter in that moment." Then she squeezed her niece's hand, asking, "Did you have a nightmare?" Knowing that she herself could only sleep last night because she had been sedated, she wondered what the girl had been through and if, ultimately, it would lead to more counseling for both of them. "I'm sorry, Malia. I'm sorry you had to witness what you did. I'm sorry I didn't get us out of that building faster than I did." The firefighter in her knew that she had done everything right and brought both of them out alive. "I'm so sorry." Closing her eyes as she started to cry, she felt a pair of familiar lips against her cheek and then a pair of smaller lips repeating the action as a hand squeezed hers. It made her smile. Controlling her emotions again, she finally said, "You should stay with the Shepherds', Malia. They have clothes for you and-"

"Say no more", the blonde cut her off with a bright grin. "I'm sure Malia and I will handle it. We just definitely need to get her something to wear. She slept in one of my old college shirts last night. And whenever Meredith knows what school the kids will go to for the next few months, I'm sure she can tell me. We can... car pool or I can watch the girls and we'll have sleepovers", Arizona rambled, excited that her ex-lover's niece wanted to stay with her. There were all kinds of activities they could do together when she wouldn't have to work, but at the same time, she felt insecurities rising up inside her. "If you are okay with me watching Malia."

"Please, tia Callie", the child begged. "I'll behave super-duper well and I'll do everything Arizona says. I'll go to bed when she tells me to, and I'll help with the dishes. I won't be mosey in the morning, I promise." Brown eyes pleaded with her aunt's. "Pretty pretty please."

How was she supposed to deny her niece what the young heart desired? And really, was there any reason for her to say no? Arizona knew her niece. And Malia obviously still trusted the blonde. "Okay", Callie agreed, but before the girl and the paramedic had the chance to plan all the fun they would have, she added, "on one condition, though." At that, blue eyes quizzically looked at the older brunette. "You stay at my house", she said to Arizona. "I have a spare room with a full bed in it and all of Malia's belongings are there. That way you don't have to go back and forth for different clothes every week and Malia doesn't have a chance to throw a tantrum when she wants a certain shirt and it's not at your apartment." Meredith had experienced that once or twice when the younger brunette had shown her Latina temper. "And you have to really promise me that you will listen to what Arizona says."

While Malia nodded eagerly – happy that she would see Zola at school and have her regular overnights with her best friend, and that she would get to spend more time with the blonde on top of that – Arizona paused. A voice inside screamed very loudly for her not to accept the offer. "I don't want to impose, Calliope." She was afraid that it was too much too soon. They had to make step by step towards each other and she didn't want the brunette to rue her decision.

Callie, this time being the one tightening her hold on the other woman's hand, politely asked her niece to leave the room so she could reason with the blonde-haired woman in private. Finally alone again – even though Malia did not leave without a pout – she insisted, "I mean it, Arizona. What you offered is much more than just helping me out. Malia, she can get nightmares as you witnessed. And some weeks she has them every night and they always get to her. I don't want to rip her out of her routine any more than I already do, so letting her stay at home as much as possible is what she needs. And I trust you not to snoop though my stuff", she said with a wink, letting the blonde know that she did not mean it. "Seriously though, Arizona, I offered you the spare room because I figured it might be too difficult for you to stay in my bedroom. Even though this room is free of any haunting memories." There was something in her ex-lover's face that changed, so Callie continued, "We might have changed within the last two years due to the things that happened to us in the past. Together and separately. But I know that you are still the most honest person in the world and that I can trust you."

"Okay", Arizona agreed with a soft smile. She didn't stand a chance to say no to Callie and her soulful brown orbs. "So, tell me about her routine. When does she go to bed on a school night and what does she usually have for breakfast Does she have after school activities? How do you plan when she stays the night with Zola?", she asked, not knowing that she should have brought a notebook and a pen to write all the information down. But she purely enjoyed the normal conversation, the shy glances and the friendly banter. Maybe, after all, this was their start of a second chance at love.

* * *

 **ANNOUNCEMENT**

This will be the last update for this story for quite a while. I will spend the next few months with the woman I love and I hope that you will understand or at least respect my decision. I will try to get another update for Once Upon A Dream out before I go on my hiatus.

Thank you for reading and thank you in advance if you stay tuned and don't jump off the train of the story just because I won't be updating for a few months. However, to those who want to stop reading this story, I respect your decision. I hope you have liked the story so far.


	13. Chapter 13

AN: Apparently, the muse didn't kiss me for a long time. I used to have chapters up my sleeves to post every week... I don't have that anymore. What you read is all I have, but I didn't want tolet you wait.  
Truth is, my life is hectic, my job takes a lot of my energy and that leaves almost nothing to write. It's sad, but I can't change it.  
I will finish my stories, it will just take me longer than I had originally planned.

* * *

Hospitals were boring. That's what Callie could say for sure. Even though the pain medication knocked her out most of the time, she was already tired of lying in a hospital bed, face down so she wouldn't be on her back. The brunette had tried to move onto her side a couple of times, but it had resulted in more pain, so she quickly turned back. At home, on her days off when Malia was at school, she would blast her music and dance through the house. But there wasn't much dancing going on in her hospital room. And she couldn't exactly turn up the volume of her music either - although Arizona had brought the docking station for her cell phone and the portable Bluetooth speaker - because she didn't want to disturb the other patients and the doctors. Making a mental note to ask the blonde for a pair of headphones, Callie sighed. She couldn't even watch TV. It was installed to the wall and she wasn't able to turn her head that far. And all of her friends were working the same shifts at the fire department. The brunette was simply bored.

So she lay in bed all day, ignoring the scratchy sheets, and listening to whatever song her iPod played. Some days she counted down the hours until Arizona would arrive with Malia. Yesterday, Meredith had come over with both girls and they had entertained her for a few hours. Malia had rambled on and on about the interim school and how she liked her usual school better. And Zola had eagerly agreed. Callie had enjoyed the time. But today, she would see her favorite blonde and she couldn't be happier. If only she could do more than lie in this damn bed the whole time. She would give the world to go for a walk. But the docs would not let her, the risk of an infection was too high and her body still too week.

The loud knock on the door didn't even startle her anymore. There was constantly someone coming in to adjust the level of her medication, to do a check up on the IV or to ask her if she needed anything. The good thing about being a firefighter and risking your life for all the people out there, everybody loved her.

"Miss Torres, how are you feeling today?", Dr. Strauss asked, walking around the bed so he could look at her face. All he got as a response was a shrug of the shoulders beneath the hospital gown. "Well, maybe I can lift your mood a little after I checked your wounds. Depending on how they look, we can turn you around and you can try to sit up."

The Latina didn't want to get her hopes up, remembering that two days ago, the doctor had said the very same words, and in the end, she felt disappointed. "When is the next surgery scheduled?", she asked instead, knowing that there was at least one more procedure she had to endure until the healing process could finally start. And Callie couldn't wait for her back to heal and to go home to be with Malia and the woman who would always have her heart.

"Callie", Arizona said, actually surprising the brunette when she walked into the room two hours earlier than usual. "Let the doctors do their work. Let your body heal on its own accord and don't rush anyone or anything, especially not the people that are saving your back."

The Latina was mildly confused. If Arizona was here, then who would pick up Malia? School was out in ten minutes and there was no way Arizona could be at the school on time to pick up the girl. Especially since the interim school her niece went to was even further away from the hospital than Malia's original one.

Sensing the disarray in the firefighter's head, the blonde put a soothing hand on the other woman's upper arm and squeezed lightly. "Don't worry, school was out early, Malia and Mark are downstairs in the cafeteria and she will see you in bit, she was just hungry. Arizona noticed how the brunette's muscles relaxed under her touch. "I thought we could talk for a little bit. Just the two of us."

"If that could wait until after the checkup, Miss Robbins?", Dr. Strauss addressed the only blonde in the room. He wasn't grumpy or sending her out, he was just tired and this was the last room on his rounds before he could find an on-call room and crash for an hour or two.

"Arizona can stay", Callie said, although she was not a hundred percent certain that she wanted her ex-lover, the woman she was hoping to plan her future with – again – to see her damaged body. "I mean, if you want to, that is. I would totally understand if you find it disgusting and don't want to witness this. You see it every day and-"

Her rambling was stopped by a tender kiss to the top of her head. "I'll stay, if you really want me to." There was nowhere else she would rather be. Not because she wanted to gawk at the brunette's back or because she wanted a good reason to get out of this. The blonde simply wanted to be there for the woman she loved. In sickness and in health – even though their relationship status was far from 'married'.

"Alright then", Dr. Strauss mimicked his patient's nod and pulled back the blanket before untying the straps of the gown. He carefully loosened the bandage covering the burn wounds, starting with the ones that had begun to heal nicely the last time he checked and working his way to the more nasty ones. "So far so good", he smiled. "Miss Torres, these look really good. The healing comes along quite well, considering what your back has been through. Now, this one might still hurt so I want you to be still, okay?"

Once again, Callie nodded. She had been through this every day and every night when the nurses put the ointment on. The moment when fresh air hit her skin – or whatever was left of it – it always stung. And she always grimaced at the pain. Today would not be different, but at least the rest was healing.

"I'm here", the blonde reassured, took Callie's hand in case the firefighter needed to hold on to something. She looked at the other woman's back for a few seconds before averting her eyes and focusing on the beautiful face. It didn't look infected, which was a good thing. It was still bad, but better than before, it just wasn't healing as good as the rest of Callie's upper back.

The Latina waited for Dr. Strauss to say anything, but when he started jotting down something and remained silent, she had to ask, "What's the damage, doc?" Despite her own thoughts, her hope had risen a little bit. "Can I turn around and sit up? I'm tired of lying around." She glanced at Arizona and saw the look on her face. "It's still bad, isn't it?"

"We're scheduling your surgery for tomorrow morning, eight o'clock. You cannot have anything to eat or drink after midnight. I'll send a nurse in to apply more ointment and a new bandage, then we can help you to sit up for a bit. Right now, I recommend not to lie down on your back, but you can sit up if you don't lean back into something." Closing the chart, he added, "I'll see you in the morning, Miss Torres. Have a good day, Miss Robbins."

The silence in the room was killing the brunette. If Arizona had been crying or yelling or whatever at her, she would have actually preferred that. Heck, even if the blonde had hurried out of the room after seeing her back, Callie would have understood and accepted it. But the silence was torture for her. "It's bad, isn't it?" Wanting to cover her back, tan hands searched for something, anything she could use to shield her back from blue eyes. "I bet it's ugly." Assuming that the blonde could not find her attractive or beautiful anymore, the Latina began to struggle controlling her emotions. "I can understand if you don't want to give us another chance.

"Calliope", Arizona stopped the other woman before words she didn't want to hear had the chance to come out of her mouth. "I will always find you mesmerizing, scars, flaws and everything. And I am not just talking about your physical appearance. Don't you know how beautiful all the colors of your soul are?" It was hard for her to understand that Callie felt worth less just because her back was scarred. "I told you I was in this. I told you I was ready for a second chance. You have to believe me."

The Latina nodded slowly. A part of her believed the blonde, the other part didn't. Not because she didn't believe that Arizona still loved her or that she was willing to give their relationship another try. No. Arizona was just so beautiful. And she simply could not comprehend how anybody else – especially a woman as breathtakingly stunning as the angel sitting in her room – could find her body captivating.

* * *

"Tia Callie!", Malia exclaimed when she – followed by Mark – came through the door, finding her aunt sitting on the hospital bed. "You're not lying in the bed anymore. Does that mean you get to come home with Arizona and me? I miss you so much. And Nana misses you, too." Both, Callie and Arizona grinned widely when the girl stated that her stuffed polar bear missed her aunt. "And you make better pasta sauce than Arizona. But her Mac and Cheese is waaaaaay better than yours.", the young brunette exaggerated.

"Hey Cal, you doing alright?", Mark asked, his words barely making it over the sound of Malia's voice, but he received a tight nod from his best friend which was enough for him to know that she was managing the pain. He knew that the firefighter could handle a lot of pain, physically and emotionally, the man just couldn't help but worry. Callie was one of the best. The firetruck 42 as well as his unit, squad 8, could always count on her skills and her experience on the scene. Everybody was asking about her and hoping she would come back soon. The station just wasn't the same without her there.

The girl's words still filled the room like a flood and Callie couldn't help but chuckle at her niece's antics and at the blonde whose cheeks were bright red. Back in the day, Arizona had basically solely survived on Mac and Cheese – aside from the nights the Latina had cooked for them – and the firefighter figured it was still this way. Whereas Callie always made a point to have vegetables and healthy food most evenings of the week, the blonde apparently did not. "And she is waaaaaay better at braiding your hair", she mimicked her niece's choice of words, not wanting to delve into a discussion about anyone's diet – after all, she was glad Arizona took care of the girl. All in all, the Latina may have been the more artsy one, but braiding hair just wasn't in her book of skills. She never figured out how to do it.

"It's soooooooo pretty, isn't it? All my friends in school love my braid!" Malia had one of the biggest grins on her face as she twirled around to show of her hairstyle and clapping her hands to the rhythm in her head. It seemed that she had coped with the fire and not having her aunt home better than Callie had expected. "And Zola even said that my braid is prettier than the one her mother did today." That was a really big compliment. Meredith Grey was a master at fixing her daughter's unruly thick hair every morning. "When do you come home, tia Callie?", she asked, shedding her jacket and slipping out of her sneakers too, so she could get on the bed.

Pulling the girl into her lap, Callie kissed the top of the girl's head, breathing in the scent of the familiar kid's shampoo. "I don't know yet, Malia." Truth was, the way her back was feeling right now, the way her body yearned for the morphine to kick in and ease the pain, she wouldn't be out of the hospital any time soon. But it felt so good not to be down on her stomach for the first time in days. She was not allowed to lie on her back yet, but she was determined to tolerate the pain and remain seated on the bed for as long as she could . "It could be a while."

Malia turned her head, a big pout – the biggest she could make – on her lips and her big innocent eyes her pleading with the brunette, "But can't you ask the doctors to just let you go home? Arizona helps people too", she stated, having talked to the blonde a lot since coming out of her shock and learning more and more about what her job at the firehouse was. "She can help you get better. She can heal you. Right, Arizona?" Her gaze shifted to the blonde.

Disappointing the girl was one of the worst thing for the paramedic. It was one thing to say no to a candy bar. But she was so out of her league here, both, as the interim caretaker where Malia was concerned, and as a paramedic where Callie was concerned. Her two and a half semesters of medical school simply weren't enough.

"I'm sorry, Malia, but I have to stay here for a little longer", baby girl", the brunette started. "Do you remember when Zola broke her arm during recess and the school nurse could only give her an ice pack before calling the ambulance?" Malia nodded. "And they took her to the hospital, where they could do an x-Ray and give her a cast?" Once again, the girl nodded. "This is similar. Arizona's job is the first aid when a person is hurt and then they are brought to a hospital. She needs to be out there to save lives but-"

"But when your tia Callie can come home, I promise you, I will be there, to help her and you", the blonde chimed in. If Callie wanted her there, she would never leave again. "If your tia Callie is okay with that." Sky-colored eyes searched out the deep chocolate brown orbs to get an affirmation.

Smiling, the brunette reached out her hand, waiting for Arizona to meet her halfway and then holding on to the pale skin. "I would love that." She felt Malia snuggle more into her and the Latina couldn't help but hope that this was her future. With Arizona and Malia in her life, home wasn't the house she and her niece lived in. No. It was the warmth and love she felt right this moment. Choosing to change the topic before she went all mushy on them, she asked, "Tell me about school, Malia. Did anything exciting happen today?"

"Mhmm", she eagerly nodded. "We got let out early. My class is having a play tonight and they are decorating and preparing everything for that. Zola and I don't get to play a part, because we are not students of that school. So we got to go home earlier. And Mark bought me pizza down in the cafeteria. It was really good, tia Callie, but our usual pizza place is at least five times better. Can Arizona and I have pizza one night? And a movie? I wanna see a movie."

Mark had stepped out to give the little 'family' some privacy while browsing through his phone with a big smile on his face. He just knew that everything was going to be okay. His best friend had pulled her head out of her ass and so had the blonde. Everything would fall into its place.

Inside the hospital room, Malia was blabbering on and on. The girl didn't even notice that the two adults around her were chuckling again. Neither of them minded though. Malia was a little ball of sunshine that could brighten everybody's day, so they just let her talk while Callie and Arizona enjoyed being together. A soft touch here, a stolen glance there. If it was for the Latina, she would ask the other woman to be her girlfriend again, right on the spot and kiss her with all the love she felt for Arizona. But they needed to get to know each other a little better, again. They needed to go on at least a few dates first. Callie couldn't wait for that, and she couldn't wait to get out of the hospital.

* * *

So, that's it for now. I hope you like it enough to come back :)


	14. Chapter 14

„Good night, Malia. Sleep tight", Arizona whispered before retreating from the softly snoozing girl's bedroom and quietly closing the door behind her. It was the fifteenth night since she had kind of moved into Callie's and her niece's home and, without her noticing it, the two of them had fallen into a routine on the nights Malia didn't spend at Zola's.

The blonde-haired woman could easily see herself tucking the young Latina in every night until Malia decided that she would be too big to be tucked in by either her or the firefighter. It felt homey. Which was exactly what she needed; after the last two years of being heartbroken and of trying to find a way back into love, Arizona felt like she finally belonged again. It made her slowly mending heart flutter with joy. Sure, she and Callie had still a lot to talk about and the conversations they had during her visits at the hospital were just the peak of the iceberg. Beneath that was a lot more dirt, she believed. They had to get to know each other again. But if there was one thing in the world the paramedic was a hundred percent certain about, it was the fact that she would be head over heels in love with the new Callie just as much – if not more – as she had with the old Callie.

She could see it all again. A future with the brunette, kids and a love stronger than anything else in the universe. She could see marriage, a big house and the picket fence if Callie wanted it. In her mind, she saw a big backyard for the kids to play in, a tree house, the pool table and home entertainment the Latina had always envisioned. The house would have shelves containing the first Edition of many old books Callie had started collecting when she was still a teenager.

Yes, Arizona could see all of that happening. In the future. For now, she had to focus on the present, on taking Malia to school tomorrow morning and on the shift ahead of her. The blonde loved her job with every fiber of her being. And even now, when she wished she could spend more time with the bedridden firefighter, she was looking forward to her days at the firehouse. The team had welcomed her with open arms and she had learned to love the little quirks – and sometimes strange behavior – of the crew. April was the best partner on scene she had probably ever had. It was as if they could read each other's minds.

Switching off all the lights and checking the sports bag that was waiting on the chair in the guest room one more time to make sure she had everything ready for tomorrow, Arizona finally fell back on the bed. She loved being here, in the house that smelled like Callie, using the detergent and fabric softener that reminded her of the Latina. Moreover, she loved Malia. However, some days were simply exhausting. Arizona had no idea how Callie had been doing it mostly by herself. It amazed her. Her respect for the Latina for doing such a great job at raising the girl was almost immeasurable.

 _** Flashback – three years ago **_

 _It was a nice, mild day in the summer, not too hot, with a soft breeze in the air. The Torres family had gathered for a Saturday afternoon barbecue before four of the adults would board a plane tomorrow to get on a business trip. Arias, Callie's older brother, and his wife were supposed to take over the Torres Company one day – sooner rather than later if Lucia Torres' wishes came true – and to learn everything they could from his father, he and Elena planned to join the older couple on many business trips for the following year._

" _Look at them, Calliope", Arizona said and pointed at Arias and Malia playing tag in the big backyard of Callie's parents, the tall man slowing down his steps every time he came to close to catching his little girl. "She is so happy."_

" _Catch me, papa!", the six year old squealed, running around barefoot in the soft grass that tickled her. "Catch meeeee!"_

 _A second later, the girl's high-pitched voice joyfully screeched as her daddy had caught her. Arias held his precious daughter tight in his arms before raising her above his head and letting her fly. "Higher papa, higher!" The taller she got, the harder it was for him to keep her in the air for long periods of time. But that didn't mean that he would stop trying._

 _Callie chuckled. Her brother had always been a big kid at heart. Especially since he became a father, and even more so since he was able to goof around with his child, it had gotten worse – in the best way possible. "He'll never grow up, Elena. You are a single mother of two", she joked._

" _I am not worried", the other Latina replied, taking a sip from the white wine she had poured herself and everyone else. Noticing the looks of disbelief, she elaborated. "I am not. He might be a goofball now, but just wait for the day her first date will knock on our door to pick up Malia. Arias will jump into full papa bear mode with a strict curfew, and staring down whoever tries to get too close to his little girl."_

 _The firefighter's chuckle turned into a full belly laugh, which Arizona joined immediately. It reminded the blonde a lot of her own father. Elena's words were so true._

" _He'll protect her. And I will be right by his side, doing the same", Callie stated. Just because she did not see herself having children didn't mean that she didn't love her niece._

 _** End of Flashback **_

It was the last memory the blonde paramedic had of Arias and Elena and her almost-in-laws. Shortly after that weekend, Callie broke up with her because they wanted different things, and then she had left Seattle. A sudden realization hit her. It had also been only a few months before Callie and Malia had lost their family. A wave of emotions broke through the barricades and swallowed her. For some reason, she had not figured that out sooner, too consumed by – first – her anger and then her worries for the Latina.

Wiping her tears from her cheeks, Arizona stared at the ceiling in the dark bedroom. "You did an outstanding job at protecting her, Calliope."

* * *

"Ambulance 72, man down from unknown course. 94 Blaine Street." The siren went off as a welcome gift to Arizona who had literally just finished changing into her paramedic clothes. After a rough morning with Malia and even rougher night for the woman, the blonde had crossed her fingers, asking for a slow shift. Apparently, that was not happening. So she jumped into the driver's seat and started the engine while buckling up. "You ready?", she asked April who answered with a quick nod while fastening her seat belt. "Then let's go."

Arriving at the scene not even ten minutes later, both women grabbed the bags and made their way through the circle of people surrounding the man on the ground. "Sir, can you hear me?", the redhead asked, earning a nothing in response. "Weak pulse, shallow breathing."

"He's having a heart attack", Arizona stated, the stethoscope still in her ears. "Push an epi and start compression, Keps, I'll get the defi." If there was one thing the blonde didn't like about her job, it was the curious people blocking her way. Years ago, during one of her first shifts, her superior had taught her to elbow her way through the crowd if necessary, and she did that. "Move!"

She and April worked quickly, one reading the other's move without a word being said. "Okay, clear", Arizona called out, ready to shock the man back into rhythm. "Still nothing. Again." She charged the device again, higher this time. "Clear." Nothing. "Damn it. Again. Two hundred." Finding April's eyes, her face hardened with determination – even though her anger and will wouldn't change a thing if his heart was too weak. Arizona was aware that this was the last chance this man had. "Clear."

The redhead checked the pulse and the heart rate shown on the monitor sprang back to life. "Pulse is getting better."

"Okay, let's pack up and get him to the hospital." Looking at their patient, Arizona shook her head. The two of them would never be able to put him on a stretcher. He was way too big for that. "Can we get some help here?", she asked, her voice sounding harsh and demanding, which was normally not her way of talking to people. Today, she made an exception. It was not her day. She needed today to be over, and fast. It was already enough 'todaying' for today.

Fifteen minutes later, they pulled up in front of the hospital and after a quick report to the nurses on shift, Arizona signed the papers. "Do you mind if I make a quick stop at Callie's room? I'll have my radio with me".

"No problem, I'll wait in the car. Tell her the firehouse says hey and that we miss her." It was the same message every day, but it never lost its meaning.

Nodding, Arizona made her way up to the third floor and to the Latina's room. Quietly slipping in when she saw that the other woman had her eyes closed, the blonde sat down next to the hospital bed.

"I am awake, you know?", Callie asked with a smirk on her lips. "What happened? Bad case?" Sitting up, the brunette lifted Arizona's chin with her hand. "Wanna talk about it?" She shifted a little to be more comfortable. "Or not?"

"Rough night", the blonde confessed. "Malia climbed into my bed at around two, because apparently, she is getting sick. She sprawls just like you. I woke up on the floor twice!" Hearing Callie's laughter fill the room made her break out into a giggle as well. "It's not funny. I lost at least half of my sleep." She was not really complaining, she had loved snuggling with the younger Latina. Until the girl decided to sleep diagonally in the bed.

"Well, it's a good thing then that I am going to be discharged tomorrow." Callie had one of the biggest smiles in weeks on her face. The prospect of leaving not only this room, but the hospital in general, had her feeling elated. She was dying to sleep in her own bedroom again, where pulling the curtains close would put the room into a pitch black darkness, where the only thing that smelled like bleach was the bathroom and where her own bed sheets didn't want to make her scratch her skin off. She wanted to have homemade breakfast or eat a simple bowl of cereal while looking out of the kitchen window when she wanted to, and not when the nurses brought in her food. There was just so many things she was looking forward to. But most of all, she was happy to be around her niece every day. That girl had the ability to cheer her up – always.

Mouth agape, Arizona just stared at the firefighter for a moment. Had she heard right? Was Callie coming home? "Are you serious?"

The brunette nodded. "Positive. Doctor Strauss came in earlier and gave me the news. I'll be discharged after morning rounds tomorrow. The skin graft is finally healing nicely and the burn wounds are manageable. He'll prescribe some ointment I will have to apply for the next couple of weeks, but I am well enough to do that at home." Watching her lover's – or whatever she was supposed to call Arizona these days – blue eyes light up, turned the butterflies in her stomach to flutter around like crazy. "I know it's short notice and I know you're on your shift, so don't sweat, okay? I am perfectly capable of taking a cab home and making it onto the couch by myself. Doctor said no heavy lifting yet, but-"

"Are you kidding me?", Arizona interrupted her. "I will be here and I don't want to hear any arguing from you. I will personally escort you home and take care of you", the blonde declared. "Chief Webber will have to understand. Malia will be so ecstatic, she'll forget all about her tummy ache when I tell her." The young Latina had kept asking every day when her tia Callie would be home. Then Arizona fell silent. "I guess I'll also pack up my belongings and get back to my own apartment."

Reaching for the blonde's pale hand, tanned fingers squeezed lightly. "Actually, I wanted to ask if you would mind staying a little longer? I am not at a hundred percent yet, so I will most likely need help with Malia. And I thought that maybe you could assist me when taking a bath and in applying the ointment?" Just the thought about Arizona's touch made her shiver with excitement. "Completely platonic until we are comfortable with more, I even promise to keep my hands to myself", she winked.

"Like you were ever able to that, Calliope", the blonde laughed, tears brimming her eyes. "I would really love to stay and help." The day didn't seem so bad after all.

* * *

AN: So, I know it's been a while and I already got insulted for that. But I promised to finish my stories and I will do so, but when I have time to write.  
I don't know what happens afterwards, to be honest. I guess we'll see.

This was just a filler to get me to the next part.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: I'm sorry for the long wait in between updates. I could give numerous reasons for that, but I don't want to bore or annoy you. To whomever is still here, thank you, for reading, for leaving reviews and for most importantly, for not leaving. I really hope you like this chapter and feel the tension, too ;)

* * *

The smell of a home cooked meal was the first thing Callie noticed upon entering through the front door of her house. It smelled like creamy shrimp pasta, the first thing she and her mother taught Arizona to cook. Glancing around, the Latina realized the floor looked spotless and everything around her seemed tidied up. To be honest, it wasn't exactly what the brunette had expected. She knew firsthand how much chaos her niece could create within just a few minutes, never mind days. But knowing Arizona and how she was raised from a military family, she should have known better. The blonde never went to bed before cleaning up, something Callie had sometimes found annoying, especially when it was not sleep that had been on her mind.

Coming up the stairs and into the house behind the firefighter, Arizona made her presence known. "I'm gonna throw your clothes in the laundry and then I'll help you get situated, and then we can have lunch, okay?" Despite being up for almost twenty-four hours and only being able to catch a couple of minutes of sleep in between emergency calls, the paramedic felt wide awake and full of energy. Passing Callie, she caressed the brunette's cheek with a chaste kiss, surprising the other woman as she did so. "I'm glad you're out of the hospital."

Her hand automatically went up to cup her cheek. Every sort of affection coming from the other woman was familiar and yet so new. They had multiple, long, and much needed conversations while Callie was bedridden and the list of honest revelations on both ends seemed only to become longer. Eventually, both agreed to hit the restart button. Both promised not to hold the actions of their past two years against them, but talk about it instead. Their relationship was still a work in progress as they tried to rebuild their trust and friendship before diving into being lovers. As much as she craved the blonde's touch on her body, this was the right way to do it. "You do know that I am not bedbound anymore, right? I think I am capable of doing my laundry myself."

"And you do know that I am staying here to help. So that's what I'm gonna do. And this", she said, pointing at the duffle bag she had swung over her shoulder, "is not causing me any trouble since I need to do laundry anyway." A lot of firefighters and EMTs at firehouses did the occasional load of laundry at work, mostly for the uniforms. But since it was not only her laundry she was in charge of, Arizona did it at home. "You can thank me later, Calliope", she winked at the other woman and made her way to the washing machine, stopping in the bathroom to get the hamper.

Callie couldn't help but shake her head at the blonde. At the same time, the butterflies in her stomach started to dance around wildly. It was crazy. The feeling Arizona sparked in her was something she would never be able to find in another woman. Not that she had been looking. Too hurt and lost in her pain, the brunette had never actually dated another woman after breaking up with Arizona, thinking it was useless. What she and the blonde had was too special, too important to just go out and look for something new.

"TIA CALLIE!" Malia came running down the stairs, skipping the last three with a practiced leap, landing safely on her feet. Two perfect, fancy braids swung back and forth as she came running towards the women.

Before the firefighter had the chance to turn around, Malia crashed into her side, hugging her so tight it almost hurt. Almost. Callie was sure she could stand a little pain. It was nothing over a hug from her favorite little girl. "Shouldn't you be in school?", she inquired, raising an eyebrow at her niece. "Don't tell me Arizona has gone soft on you and allowed you to skip school."

Looking down at her feet, the young brunette fiddled around with her hands and mumbled, "Nu-uh. Only today. Because today is a special day." A forceful nod completed the innocent look, she hoped. "I swear?"

"And only because I can't say no to her", began the blonde her defense. "Look at those eyes. So big and brown and puppy dog eyes are just my weakness, you know that!"

Oh yes, Callie knew. Her own eyes had gotten her out of a lot of trouble and out of many dog houses Arizona wanted to put her in. But growing up in a family where every member except for her father had deep brown orbs, the brunette was immune to her niece's pleading look. "I'm not mad. I think it's okay. For today. But tomorrow, you'll go back to school, even though Arizona and I will be home." She had some trouble stifling her giggles. To Callie, Malia and Arizona looked equally endearing and adorable. If – and she hoped it was in the foreseeable future – they ended up back together and would raise Malia as a couple, she would have to play the role of the bad cop instead of the cool aunt. "Alright, I am starving and someone promised me food."

* * *

The creamy shrimp pasta did not disappoint. It was delicious. Arizona had perfected the recipe over the years and the brunette had to admit, it tasted better than her own and was very close to her mother's cooking skills. The dessert was the best, though. Homemade American cheesecake with chocolate sauce and Graham's Cracker's crust. The mere thought about that pie made Callie's mouth water, although she was already beyond full.

"Moana!", Malia decided loudly, picking the DVD from the shelf, before the two women had a chance to object. "I want to watch Moana.", she declared loudly and then chanted, "I'd rather be shinyyyyyyyyy!" So loud, Callie wondered if the people from across the street heard it as well.

"What else is new", both adults mumbled simultaneously, eliciting laughter to bubble up in their throats. It only got louder when Malia started dancing around while singing Shiny at the top of her lungs.

Eyeing Arizona, Callie added, "Admit it, you love it, too." Even she agreed, it was a great movie, amazing animation and the songs were not too cheesy. Her favorite was Hei Hei, the chicken. The piglet was cute, too. The crab crept her out. But the chicken always had her cracking up. "And at least it's not Frozen. It took me a whole year to get Fixer Upper out of my head. And trust me, Malia singing it in the car every day did not help", she whispered to the blonde, who nodded in agreement. Her niece, like most kids adored Disney movies and the songs. So much, that Callie had created a whole playlist of Disney songs for the car.

Arizona smiled, "Moana it is." Settling down on the couch, she let enough space at first so Callie had a chance to get comfortable. There was no need to make room on the couch for the young brunette. Hours before they ate, the girl had pushed her beanbag first down the stairs and eventually in front of the TV. "Are you good? Do you need more pillows? I can go and get so-"

"I'm good", Callie cut her off, offering a smile. "But thank you." Leaning back into the cushions, she oppressed the wince that threatened to leave her lips. The doctor's prognosis was that it would take another few weeks until she could lie comfortably on her back. She didn't care. It felt good to have Arizona in her home again, not arguing and no one storming out. At the same time, it felt uneasy. Sometimes she didn't know how to behave around the other woman, afraid that she would mess it all up again and catapult them back to square one. Unaware that the paramedic felt the same tension, she tried not to move too much.

The opening scene flickered through the television, big brown eyes of the youngest person in the room were glued to the screen and Arizona couldn't stop looking at the firefighter. Her gaze dropped from Callie's eyes and the long eyelashes, down the contour of her beautiful Greek nose, and further to those deliciously full lips. Absentmindedly licking her own, the blonde didn't even realize she had already spent the first ten minutes of the movie watching the Latina. When Callie smiled, she

couldn't help but smile too. When the brunette started laughing, she laughed too. A warm and fuzzy feeling traveled through her body, letting lose the butterflies in her stomach.

The Latina on the other hand did not really watch the movie. She laughed when Hei Hei appeared and smiled at the cuteness of little Moana, but all she could think of was how badly she wanted to feel the blonde closer. Noticing Arizona's hand lying between them, she reached out and their fingers innocently touched. At first Callie feared the other woman would pull away, but when blue eyes met brown, she realized it was okay, maybe even wanted.

Fireworks exploded inside Arizona at the cautious touch of their hands. Her heart felt like it was beating out of her chest any second and she had to remind herself to breathe. "I need some water", she pressed out when it became too much, and removed herself from the couch, hurrying out of the entertainment room and into the kitchen. Taking a couple of deep breaths and splashing some cold water from the tap onto her face, Arizona tried to control herself and cool her skin. She did not run away from Callie. She ran away from jumping Callie. "God damn it, Arizona, get a grip."

"Since when do you talk to yourself when you're not at work?", the brunette asked as she leaned against the doorframe. Thinking she did something wrong, something that agitated the blonde, she had to follow her. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you", she added with a giggle when Arizona froze mid-movement. "I'm sorry if anything I did upset you. That was not my attention."

"You didn't", Arizona replied immediately. Deciding that being honest with herself and the brunette was the best way to approach this whole situation, she continued, "You did nothing wrong, I promise. It's just that… I thought it would be easier, you know? When I visited you at the hospital, we were in a small room together and I had everything under control. But now you're back home, and I am here to help, and I'll keep my word, but it's just so damn hard." She paused her rambles to take another deep breath. "It's not hard to help, that's not what I meant. I like helping you and being here. I just can't look at you and not want you. It's impossible. I want to hold you, kiss you, and touch you. But we agreed to take it slow, which is the right way to do it, but it's just so damn-" The last word died on the paramedic's tongue when Callie's full lips pressed against hers and warm arms encircled her. Arizona instantly melted into the Latina's embrace like hot wax.

Feeling the tension leave the other woman's body, the brunette smiled into the kiss, relishing the taste of Arizona's lips on her own. The kiss didn't last very long, for the firefighter was fighting the same battle. She knew her body wasn't ready for any sort of exercise, but her mind was telling her differently. A simple kiss didn't hurt, though. And it wasn't crashing the boundaries they had set, either. "I am right there with you, Arizona. You are so, so close and yet I am not allowed to call you mine. It is killing me, softly and slowly. I want to do right by you. I want to date you and woo you and take the stars from the sky so they can shine just for you", she confessed, letting their foreheads connect gently.

The smile on her face got bigger and bigger. She felt content. "You're so cheesy", Arizona said with a giggle, to which the other woman only shrugged her shoulders and blamed it on the medicine. But she knew how Callie really was. All tough on the outside, especially at work, but a true softy on the inside. Leaning in for another kiss that she intended to be just as slow and inculpable as the one they just shared, she soon found her hands tangled in dark tresses, pulling the firefighter into a deeper kiss.

What stopped them both was Malia's loud singing to Maoui's song. "I'm sorry", Callie mumbled, making a step backwards to get some space between them. "We should get back… and keep it PG-rated for now." Receiving a nod in agreement, she left the kitchen and went back into the living room, quickly followed by – her former ex and now future girlfriend – Arizona, who also brought

some water and a bag of Cheetos.

* * *

Slender arms hugged her as best as they could before her niece crawled under the blanket. "I am so happy you are home, tia Callie. And Nana is happy, too", she smiled. Of course, if she was happy, her stuffed polar bear must have been happy as well. Yawning with a smile on her face, tired eyes fell shut. "We love you", she mumbled, her head hitting the pillow, Nana always tight in her arms.

"We love you, too", Callie repeated, knowing the blonde was feeling exactly the same. Who wouldn't? Malia was adorable and so far, well-mannered. Stroking the little brunette's head for a few minutes before softly standing up, Callie quietly made her way out of the child's room and closed the door, leaving only a small gap.

Arizona had given the little family some privacy after saying good night to the young Latina and was currently folding the laundry she had collected from the dryer. Fatigue was finally catching up with her and she looked forward to another day at home, or at Callie's, to be exact. She really liked it here. "Is she asleep?", she asked when she heard the firefighter coming into the living room, feeling like a mother asking the other parent.

"Out like a light", Callie assured. "Which, considering all the sugar she had today, is a surprise." Any normal day, the Latina kept her eyes on the young one's sugar intake. Today was really an exception, like birthdays and Christmas, or Halloween and Easter. "I told you, you don't have to do all the work. Folding laundry is not exactly a straining activity."

Waving it off, the blonde answered, "And I told you I don't mind. I like doing this for us, it feels like we're a family. Moreover, it's not straining for me either. You on the other hand, you should rest." Motioning for Callie to sit down, she was happy when the brunette followed her request. "Feels good to be home, doesn't it?", she asked after hearing a sigh coming from the other woman.

"Very much so. I think we often forget to relish in the little things. Like, sleeping in your own bed, bringing your kid to bed or simply watching the quietness of our own four walls. We take things for granted." Pausing a moment, her gaze remained on Arizona. "I took your love for me for granted, and then I didn't have it anymore." Realizing how wrong this could sound to anyone who didn't know her thoughts, she was quick to add, "I am not trying to rip open the stitches we put over the gash of our past or make your feel bad about it. I just wanted to clarify that I am not taking you being here and giving me another chance for granted. Not anymore." This damn medication really did make her all cheesy and emotional. "I just… thank you, for being here for Malia when I couldn't and for still being here now."

Sitting down next to the other woman, Arizona cupped tanned cheeks. "You did not take me for granted, Calliope. We wanted different things and you were brave enough to tell me the truth, although I did not see it like this back then. Yes, I was heartbroken, yes, I felt like someone stabbed my heart multiple times and yes, I did try to hate you for a few months. However, I never thought you took me for granted. I honestly don't know what I would have done in your position. But if I have any say in it, you won't get rid of me that easily a second time." Sealing her promise with a kiss that left both heads spinning again, Arizona only pulled back when she felt wetness on the tips of her thumbs.

"I'm sorry, these damn meds make me too emotional", Callie apologized, wanting to wipe away her tears but the blonde beat her to it. "It's as if I am feeling too much and I can't deal with all of it at the same time." Mostly, she wanted to tell the other woman that she loved her. For everything she did

the past days when she couldn't be home, for not running away for good, but mainly for just being who she was. "Promise to punch me if I mess it up again?"

"Violence is not the solution, Calliope, you know that", the blonde-haired woman jokingly chastised. "However, I will sit down with you and talk. We're reasonable enough to have a civil conversation instead of flying off the handle, which tends to make everything so much worse." Taking the Latina's left hand into her own, she gently caressed the back with her thumb, her smile never ceasing. "Just talk to me, like you promised, okay? If you keep talking to me and I keep talking to you, I am sure we'll be fine." Dimples popped deep as her smile grew wider. She had not felt this happy in a long time. Never one to believe that happiness in general lied within another person, Arizona wondered if, in their case, together they had the ability to reach their ultimate happiness only together. "We should do something. With Malia. A few hours at the zoo or at the aquarium. I'm sure you know how much Malia loves animals."

Nodding, Callie thought about it. She liked the idea. It would probably mean a lot to her niece if they spent as much time together as possible, as long as she wasn't able to go to work. "I really like that idea. Maybe after your next shift? You look exhausted and need a day off. I don't want Malia to drag you around the aquarium tomorrow. You'd think school would tire her out, but it rarely does."

She laughed, but that was bound to happen if there were to go tomorrow. "I also still want to take you out on a date. Not necessarily tomorrow or by the end of the week. Maybe next week? When I am hopefully no longer on the heavy drugs?"

"I already agreed to going on a date with you, Calliope. Multiple dates, actually. Nothing I'd rather do." Okay, that was a white lie. Arizona could write down a whole list of what she would rather do to and with the firefighter. Nevertheless, dating would be on that list as well. "Malia will be on a sleepover birthday party at Katie's next Friday. How about date night on Friday?" Giddiness already made its presence known and the blonde mentally shook her head at herself. "We could go to Guiseppe's."

Callie scrunched her nose. She remembered how date nights at Giuseppe's usually ended. Flirtatious evenings and delicious food surrounded by a romantic atmosphere usually lead to nights filled with numerous rounds of breathtaking, sweaty sex and soft lovemaking. "Giuseppe retired a few months ago and his kids took over. In my opinion, it's not as good anymore. The first thing they did was renovate the whole restaurant, modernizing it and the chef just doesn't know good pizza dough from bad pizza dough. And it lost everything that made it so romantic." Seeing the disappointment in the blonde's eyes, she said, "We'll find somewhere else to go. But until then, do you think there could some good old junior high make-out sessions?"


End file.
